It’s painfully obvious that the Lemmy population is primarily men.

Frustrating.

edit: to save my sanity, I choose believe that the majority of comments here are trolling. Y’all cannot genuinely be this dense.

I wanted to talk with other women about this to get more clarity and it turns into…this. Damn.

  • vonbaronhans
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    5 months ago

    The fear of “ew no” is real, but also not nearly as big a deal as you might think.

    “Ew no” is at its most powerful in small, isolated communities, where a single “ew no” from the wrong person can have outsized reputational damage. Think high schools, small towns, etc.

    As you get older though, you have a lot more opportunities to meet more people who have zero relation to anyone who might’ve said “ew no”. Pretty great that way.

    But there’s also the more intimate damage of “ew no”, just that it hurts to be rejected or thought of that way. The good news is that anyone who would say “ew no” is legitimately not anyone you want a relationship with in the first place. Neither of you would be happy together, so their rudeness aside, they’re doing you a favor of not wasting your time with an unhappy relationship. Seeing the bigger picture there really can help with the ego damage from “ew no”. Their reaction is more a reflection of them than it is of you, and recognizing that really helps with confidence building, too.

    Sorry for the ramble. I was a nerd in school back when that wasn’t cool. But I’ve been happily married for a while now, and it would’ve never happened had I not been willing to risk an “ew no” from time to time.

    • Notyou@sopuli.xyz
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      5 months ago

      I was also a nerd in school. I still am, but I was one then too. The “ew no” was a big thing for me to get over, but that is the biggest fear most guys have with putting themselves out there.

      I also try to remember that a woman’s biggest fear is being raped and/or murdered. If I keep that in mind it is easier for me to give them easier outs when I asked them out. I’m married now, so I don’t know about current dating trends. I think a little empathy could go a long way though.