Thoughts and prayers for the one patient for whom it actually was a freak accident
Fun fact: If you actually fell and landed on something with enough force to make it’s way inside of you the object would quite literally rip your asshole. When it’s a true accident, it’s very clear due to the blood loss and whatnot
Probably the priest who fell on a potato while cooking naked
How’d you know he was a priest if he was naked?
He was praying when it happened. “Oh my god”
If i ever get something stuck up my ass while trying to pleasure myself and need medical help to remove it, I will absolutely try to come up with the most convoluted and ridiculous story for how it got there. Not out of embarrasment, but just to give the ER nurses a good laugh.
Again?
Daily
This sign is bullshit, I accidentally put my prostate massager in my butt all the time, sometimes twice in one day.
who tf putting a key up there?
Sorry, I thought it would unlock it so I could get all the other items out. Guess it was the wrong key though… ☹️
Did you try jiggling it?
No, it got stuck because it’s dark, so I had to look for it with my flashlight.
It jingles when I fart. Also there’s this weird squeaky sound.
On an unrelated note, I can’t seem to find my rubber duckie…
Where else can you store them while swimming?
Ah the old prison wallet. Classic.
I work in a ER and can assure you people high on meth put all sorts of crazy shit in their butt.
Dare I ask, why? I mean obviously meth addicts aren’t known for their shrewd decisions in general, but is there some sensory or cognitive change in particular that compels them to put foreign objects in their butts more than say, alcoholics would?
I know from first hand experience you can’t do it by accident as one time, hung over and showering in the dark in the early morning i got a little dizzy and sat down.
Perfectly meeting my starfish to the shampoo bottle on the floor. It could not have been more on target had i attempted this.
I shot up, seeing stars like for real for only the second time in my life. I wasnt dizzy, I was up and at em’ baby. Wooo what a rush! Hurt a lot for a minute. Hard as i sat down I don’t think that bottle tip made it a millimeter into my pooper.
So yeah, impossible
The sphincter is one of the few muscles that is contracted by default, and you have to consciously loose. So yeah, unless you have some medical condition, not very likely to get something in by accident
contracted by default
Cool, what others are there? Also, goofy question: what’s the relative strength of this ‘outer anus’? It wasn’t listed in my search for strongest muscles and most results are tips on gaining anus strength
If you put your mind to it, you can turn it into a cigar cutter
This sign was made by someone who’s never wiped with single-ply before.
“Million to one shot, doc”
“We are discreet. But we also think it’s funny.”
…and I got news for you, if someone is trying to get you to pull marbles out their ass, then that’s their fetish… Because no one is worried that small marble sized balls won’t eventually come out naturally… They’re looking to bring attention that they’re up there (and possibly to get someone to try to get them out). People are weird.
Speaking from experience? 🤔
Wait, why an apple?
Because pineapples are a bit trickier, obviously
Especially if there is already a pizza in there - people get rally mad & very political
