“Hey honey, would you like to go to Cannibal Island? Oh no, don’t worry, it’s just a name.”
“What he meant is Cannibal Island is actually a peninsula”
You can cannibalise my peninsular.
Greenland has entered the chat
Wow. “These people have killed or attempted to kill everyone who came to their island. But maybe if I tell them about Jesus they’ll be friendly!”
“They don’t speak the same language as me, but I’ve got faith that God will figure something out.”
“I hear we’re going to Ape Island.”
“Yeah, to capture a giant ape! I wish we were going to Candy Apple Island.”
“Why, what’s there?”
“Apes. But there’s not so big.”
“…Don’t worry it’s just a name”
Attacking by monkeys
“He said it was just a name?!”
“What he meant was monkey attack island is actually a peninsular.”
Women and seamen don’t mix.
Thats how you get sea-ciety.
Welcome to monkey attack island, where nothing can possiblay go wrong.
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I don’t think those warning signs adequately convey the fact that those fuckers will rip your face off if you look at them funny…
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They are almost too cute to be taken seriously.
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Those are the cutest warning signs I have ever seen.
Those are Macaques. Macau is… A different China thing.
I assume this is Kaosiung. One time I was visiting a campus there that had these monkeys. It was hell and pure entertainment. These monkeys were on parked cars and people couldn’t leave for hours. If they tried to get in their cars the monkeys would attack. And couple came by and the girl had a water bottle so the monkeys attacked her and the boyfriend just bounced and ran off to the hills while his girl was having her hair ripped out.
I saw this all while I was waiting for my bus. When the bus came and people got off, the unfortunate people on the bus didn’t know there were monkeys and many were carrying plastic stuff in their hands. The monkeys started attacking all the pasaangers getting off. Unfortunately we had to get on the bus and it was pure mayham trying to get on the bus during a monkey ambush.
“Walk away calmly, the monkey shall leave.” True words of wisdom.
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but one of them did try to pee on me from the canopy.
That’s how you become the Golden Monkey. The greatest of all the monkeys.
How many monkeys would you have to kill to become king of monkey beach?
Do they even let you kill them?
Let?
A lot of beaches have rules. I’ve found many are even particular about wearing clothes while sunbathing.
When I’m monkey king I’ll make the rules
Ah, yes, i like to sun bath my clothes.
Shoking who would have thought that on a monkey attack beach you could be actually attacked by some monkeys … 🐒
Image Transcription:
A world news article by Associate Producer Savannah Meacham titled Aussie family regrets visiting a beach notorious for monkey attacks after being attacked by monkeys at a famous monkey attack beach in Thailand. Below the title is a paused video with two photos side by side, the left one shows a person bent over with a long-tailed macaque running at them, while the photo on the right shows a woman with her hand over her mouth, looking shocked.
[I am a human, if I’ve made a mistake please let me know. Please consider providing alt-text for ease of use. Thank you. 💜]
As someone from Thailand, monkeys here are no joke. They are mean and act like a mafia gang. There are many places like this; tour guides always warn you not to bring your bags down with you and leave them in the car. Monkeys will suspect you have food in your bags and snatch them away.
What else would you keep in your bag?
A monkey bomb
Is a monkey bomb better or worse than a bat bomb?
If we’re talking about something from Batmans armory then better. If we’re talking about the WW2 Interstate TDR a drone developted by the US military whos counter intellegence was most likely the infamous napalm bats, then its worse.
bloons
Going to a monkey beach after a monkey attack on that beach? To me that sounds crazy. You may also say its a little looney. Quite daft. A silly decision. And dare I say it? Bananas?
There was a series of movies about something similar, but with dinosaurs.
Jurassic Park, et al.
I have been to one monkey sanctuary in Thailand, exactly once. As the locals told me: it is fun for about an hour and you have no desire to ever do it again.
Those monkeys are mean.
All I could think after reading the article is a bout the lipsync song “Stop It Now”. I had to ask ChatGPT for a version for this, here is the beginning:
Rockin’, rockin’, on the shore so fine, To the beach in Thailand, we’d align, But those monkeys came, causing a bind, I said, “Monkeys, hey! Leave us behind!”
Everyone warned us, “Don’t head there, beware,” “Monkeys gonna come, with a wild glare,” And they did, and they did, and they tore through the air, No escape from those monkeys, just despair.
Nothing to do, but shout as they pounced on me, Tried to flee, fell down, laughter from kids did we see, Then, hmm, got hit in the neck with a coconut spree, Mm-hm, hm-hm, how’d it happen? Baffling to me.
Gotta dash, dash, dash (leap) I’ll be your backpack while you hurry, Dash, dash, dash, leap, and stop! Let me go free. […]
Full version here: https://pastebin.com/YrZHEdxx
It’s always fun visiting places with a lot of monkeys. Uluwatu temple in Bali is another famous place for this. The monkeys there aren’t vicious though, but they might rob you blind: https://www.theguardian.com/science/2021/jan/14/balis-thieving-monkeys-seek-bigger-ransoms-for-high-value-swag-study
They stole my wife’s Polaroid camera out of her handbag. :(
Did you attempt to negotiate with snacks?
We need to send Coyote Peterson there.
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