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“Fine, we’ll do all of them. But which one first? Checkmate.”
Hue hue hue. That’s the thing. We do all of them, at once. No matter how dissimilar they are.
2 weeks ago I made a checklist of 4 super important tasks I needed to get done that day. I’ve got 2 done to date, but that checklist is still there and hopefully I can get another 2 in the next weeks.
meanwhile, ‘the list’ somehow got longer.
Brain: “You’re no longer in control”
Also brain: and I’m not in control either sooo… Good luck… And brain goes weeeeeeeee…
Fuck, why is this me!?
Dude my life.
I’ve had one relatively minor task in my to-do list at work for the past two weeks.
I work in IT, and my current big project is a hardware/platform replacement that’s got a ton of new features.
Literally every time I go to start working on that one task, I find something preventing me from doing it.
Usually I realize it’s something that’s broken and legit preventing me from doing it. And then I go and explore that rabbit hole and find something that needs to be fixed in order to fix that.
And that goes like 3 layers deep. And along the way I’m finding at least one other thing that doesn’t need my immediate attention but still needs to be on my todo list.
And then I get pulled into some fire that needs to be put out. And in the process I find another rabbit hole, ad nauseum.
Every day I feel like Hal in that clip from Malcom in the Middle.
And this is with Adderall (or preferably Vyvanse but that’s not happening). This is better. Before I would just browse Reddit and eat chips (BED) and procrastinate more instead.
At least now I’m getting things done. I’m realizing I have an innate need for accomplishment. Feeling like I’ve accomplished something at the end of the day is, actually, really important to me. But at the same time I’m getting ripped off from it. I’m getting accomplishment, but I’m not getting closure. I don’t care that I’ve scratched 25 things off my list…the damn list started with 1 and it’s still there. It’s like really great sex but you just can’t cum. What SSRIs did to my dick, stimulants have done to my brain
Bruh I’m honestly horrified to hear that. I thought meds were the last word, the final solution you could always keep in your back pocket when no other coping mechanism works.
Oh no, don’t get me wrong, the stims are fantastic. I’m far more productive at home and at work, I’m barely ever eating excessively (Vyvanse is also prescribed for binge eating disorder which is a common comorbidoty with ADHD), and I’m super confident, shattering my social anxiety disorder.
I’ve just got so much to do that I’m feeling cheated when more stuff gets in the way of the original task. Much like Hal rebuilding his engine because the light was out in the kitchen.
The SSRI bit was legit. Sexual side effects are very common with them, but also under-reported. A lot of people, especially younger men, are too hesitant and prideful to tell their PCP about them. I switched to a non-SSRI (Wellbutrin) and it’s like I’m 20 again.
Feeling strong alignment with ADHD memes becomes tiring. More tiring than posting ADHD comments while in a bed unable to just go to sleep.
The facts
Relate
