i’m no longer christian but the idea of imagining jesus as a goalie, hell as the net, our souls as the ball/puck, and sins as the other players is kind of amusing to me.
He’s still Jesus. It’s still like 25AD or whatever…but Jesus is just like “hey guys…wanna build an ice rink?”
And everyone else is like "Dammit Jesus…WE can’t perform miricles like you! We’re in the middle of the god damned arabian desert, and you want like 9,000 gallons of water in a controlled environment. Then you somehow expect that water to freeze cold, instead of evaporate and absorb into the sand. THEN…you want to get one of those…what were they called? Zamboni??? Not even sure what that is. But you say it’s going to smooth the ice, so we can attatch knives to our sandles, so we can glide on ice. ALL OF THIS in an attempt to stick 10 guys on the ice with long sticks, to swipe at this black thing to get it into the net…just gonna say it Jesus. I think you’ve been turning water into wine again. You have a problem.
Flash forward 3 weeks later, and the Jerusalim Saints (probably butchered the spelling) are up 5-0 as the game ends, against the Red Sea Monsters.
And afterwards he was like "See? I told it’d be fun! We won because Jesus Saves.
“That was a warning.”
-Jesus
(us from them)
I always thought Jesus should be a goaltender.
i’m no longer christian but the idea of imagining jesus as a goalie, hell as the net, our souls as the ball/puck, and sins as the other players is kind of amusing to me.
See I went the opposite way in my head.
He’s still Jesus. It’s still like 25AD or whatever…but Jesus is just like “hey guys…wanna build an ice rink?”
And everyone else is like "Dammit Jesus…WE can’t perform miricles like you! We’re in the middle of the god damned arabian desert, and you want like 9,000 gallons of water in a controlled environment. Then you somehow expect that water to freeze cold, instead of evaporate and absorb into the sand. THEN…you want to get one of those…what were they called? Zamboni??? Not even sure what that is. But you say it’s going to smooth the ice, so we can attatch knives to our sandles, so we can glide on ice. ALL OF THIS in an attempt to stick 10 guys on the ice with long sticks, to swipe at this black thing to get it into the net…just gonna say it Jesus. I think you’ve been turning water into wine again. You have a problem.
Flash forward 3 weeks later, and the Jerusalim Saints (probably butchered the spelling) are up 5-0 as the game ends, against the Red Sea Monsters.
And afterwards he was like "See? I told it’d be fun! We won because Jesus Saves.
in this timeline, Jesus taught them all how to walk on water - by freezing it first :D