I don’t have a family, that’s how I manage.

I switched jobs when my second was born. Id previously been working 4 nights a week. I got on well with the shifts and I had plenty of time with my then only child.

Suddenly I had to change my job, and I found myself working 8-5/5 days a week. I get maybe two hours with my son a day, and that’s usually when things are winding down for the day and after I’ve been on my feet picking orders all day.

I feel like I’m missing out on him growing up in a way I didn’t with his big sister. I do my best on weekends to give him what I used to be able to give his sister, but there’s double the work now that there’s two of them and my partner works those days so whilst also trying to be the fun and engaged dad, I’ve also got three meals to cook, household chores to do and all the other stuff I need to do that I can’t because I’m always working.

Fucking suuuuucks.

Well step one is making enough money to afford vacations and gatherings. Overtime is fine if your paid time and half or better for it. Even then though you should limit it to like 20 extra hours unless they are going to go to double time or something.

I have some non-negotiables like sleep and my commute (~2hrs total). That means I have to compromise between time and activities at work or at home. During the winter months when days were short, I sacrificed fitness and stayed in a pattern of work, eat, sleep, repeat. Very little personal time. Days are lengthening and it’s getting warmer, so I plan to focus on my fitness and me again. Life also has seasons, I’m trying to embrace that.

Finding a job

Just recently got out of a really well-paying full time, work from home programming gig because of difficulty with finding that balance. Not having to commute obviously saves me a ton of time in the day, but it started becoming really hard to separate work from home.

But the hardest part was the lack of energy and mental space to really enjoy my time with the family. I struggled hard with keeping work thoughts away when not “at work”. Some days I would try to start work a little early to have more time in the afternoon, but then by the time the kids were home from school, settled, homework, showers, dinner, I was totally shot. I was either super tired, in a funk from a crappy day, or on the rare days I was good, they wanted to do their own thing which they totally have the right to do.

This was probably due to the work environment always being high-pressure and getting constant promises of better a pace for the team that never came, so if the job was a little better I would’ve maybe not have dealt with those issues.

Mmm. The hardest part for me right now is that choosing to spend more time at home with my family had caused my income to stagnate or even dip, which means I have to spend more time on paperwork: Budgeting, bargain-hunting, all the little tedia of saving money. Before I could just work more and earn more money, which was more enjoyable but kept me out of the house.

I still think it’s worth it but I don’t enjoy the paperwork.

I’m naturally passive and picky. I also fixate on tasks and avoid human interaction. These traits are perfect for my job, so I find it very rewarding.

These traits are terrible for parenting.

As a result, I need to set up hard barriers around balance. I don’t work outside 9-5 unless required to. When required to, I find ways of spending more time with my fam. I make a point of finding activities that I can do with my kids, so I’m not so distant.

It sucks. I feel like I’m perfectly suited to be a corporate cog, but I need to work hard to be a nominally functional family member.