I am beginning the process of divorce. There was no history of anything bad, just general lack of compatibility. We’ve been together 13 years, and at least the past 3-4 we’ve been shells of who we were.
Though we both care deeply, we both know we want to be loved differently.
Right now I’m still going between the depression/despair and some irrational nostalgic notion that maybe things could be the way I thought they were (in my mind I know that these are rose tinted memories)
How do former couples get along usually? I’m a child of divorce, where my Mom moved two states away and I went with her. My parents were cordial, I think.
My ex thinks that we should remain friends, but I think that will make the grieving process harder for me. I wonder if this desire to remain friends is a way for her to not fully have to let go. But if you want the milk, you buy the cow.
Should I be wary, or should I be grateful here? How do I protect myself from catching feelings some days and dragging my healing for to long
I don’t think you should force friendship until you are ready to. You can co-parent perfectly well with minimal communication until you are ready to communicate more without it hurting a whole lot.
When my last long term relationship ended she wanted to be friends after. I was still really hurting and those random texts and phone calls and invitations to get coffee hurt me and reminded me of what I had lost on a regular basis. I went no contact for about half a year, when the mourning process was over and I had accepted that I was better off without her, it felt okay to be back in contact.
So I disagree with the other posters - protect your heart. Your kids will be okay. Your kids want a parent who is happy. They can’t have that if you’re forcing friendship contact with your ex that is hurting you and prolonging the grieving/healing process. Go minimal contact, take care of your heart, rediscover how to be happy as a single person, then when you’re ready you can talk to your ex more regularly, if you ever want to.
As a child of divorce, what was more important to me was that my parents were happy. Kids can tell when their parents are hurting. And my parents being friendly never felt that important. You can be friendly and nice to each other at pick up and drop off without having to text and have phone calls and get coffee outside of strictly child related interactions. Your kids won’t know if you and your ex are texting regularly. They will know if you are sad.