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I live with my parents (both). I have job.
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I did my share duty: I help pay family electricity/water bill, pay my brothers tution fee.
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Currently, my salary is multiple time my living cost, so I can save more than half of my salary (no pay rent, no marry, no children)
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My mum has a brotehr who is not financial stable. She help him (few time yearly, not one time, but yearly). She is very stress about this situation. => when she ask me and my dad to chip in, we both said nope, then ask her to give up on that money black hole. => really hurt our family relationship, because she refuse to do so.
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That dude (my uncle) have family he has to support. If I chip in with my own salary, his children living standard will increase, they will have better future. It will cost me my spare salary (i will not able save like, 50% of my salary per month)
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But I don’t want to waste money. That money give away is like charity that I can never get back. I don’t want to piggy back few dude on my back for years.
So, how do you think on this case.
My mum get angry with me and my dad because we refuse to chip in.
Her idea is, … something about tie by blood … sorry bad English, dunno how to describe.
Something that meaning you are relative, then you have to sacrifice ourself for another.
From her perspective, we are just selfish.
But why, i need my saving for my own future, marry, have some kid, loss job, another covid …
From a “ties of blood” perspective, to give a perspective your mom might understand:
He might be tied by blood, but he is bringing dishonor and being a burden upon the entire family and lineage. He disgracea the rest of the family and all his elders and ancestors with his failure and irresponsible spending. He should be forced to work and spend less, helped by his elders, and shamed if he refuses to do so.
Note: this isn’t something I’d recommend to anyone else, but if it helps.
Then your mother should get a job and pay for him, if it is so important to her.
That difference in ideology make family relationship go bad.
Why is he not financially stable?
Does he not have a job? Is he blowing his paycheck on gambling? Hookers? Drugs? (Etc?).
Would throwing cash at him even help?
Because his family is actively working to enshroud him in a false reality where not earning enough results in financial stability.
He has never had the emotional retraining necessary to connect his plans with the dopamine to fulfill them.
Unfortunately for people ruled by their swollen empathy, that emotional training is painful to undergo.
Basically he hasn’t been allowed to experience failure, so his brain hasn’t fully developed.
This happened to me earlier in my life. Then the person enabling me died, and within six months I was homeless, but within six months after that I was transformed and financially functional and have been ever since. No experience other than the natural consequences could have taught me, and there was someone actively preventing me from feeling them.
You and your father should be angry with her, because she is continually poisoning your uncle’s character.
She’s like someone providing a shot of heroin “because they care”.