I’m struggling to figure out how to make friends without having Instagram or any other social media. I have discord but don’t use it much. I see all my acquaintances in discord channels and sharing Instagram posts and stuff. It’s already hard for me to make friends, but I feel like not having any of the traditional social media means I’m not included in any of that stuff.
Do you just accept that Instagram and shit are the way people interact and use it?
Are people you follow and who follow you really friends or is it primarily just about increasing the amount of followers? I’ve never had any social media aside from MySpace, but I consider my friends as family. Sure, I bet a lot of Instagram accounts have more followers than I have friends, but we’re all stoked to know one another and it has nothing to do with appearances.
I’m not talking about random followers. I’m talking about how to keep in touch and get closer to people who you just met. Like sure you exchange numbers, but then what? You might text them to go do an activity. But that’s only every so often.
I guess I just don’t know how it works, and I see everyone exchanging Instagram posts and in group discords and I don’t know how to be included and involved
What was the common thread from when you met the person? How did you hit it off with them?
If you met at a bar, text them later asking if they’ve been to a certain brewery that just opened up (although this could sound like a soft invite to go there, so be prepared for that). If you connected about movies, tv shows, or music, ask them if they saw that new movie (show, album) that’s related to whatever you talked about (same director, sense of humor, style of movie, etc). Basically, just continue the conversation with them. Talk about related things and start to branch out, maybe you’ll find other common interests and things to talk about. You can send an article that you think they’d be interested in. Or a meme about their job.
But make sure that the conversation isn’t one sided. If you’re always the one starting the conversation or carrying it, maybe back off some. They should be just as engaged as you are.
So I’ve been married for 12 years, and we’ve been together since college, where we met. And my wife’s basically the only person I interact with socially. And I think I’m straining my marriage by using her as my crutch. I’ve kind of relied on her for literally all of my socializing, like tagging along with her and her friends. But I’ve recently realized that that’s not healthy and I need someone to talk and interact with independent of her. But it’s really hard.
I had a time where I had to make new friends in a new city, and what I learned is that you have to take initiative a lot in the beginning of a new friendship. You have to suggest something to do together maybe the first 2 - 4 times. After some time it should be more equal if not find some other friends.
My husband complains of the same - that his only socialization is with my friends. Does your wife know you’re lonely? I bet her friends’ husbands are feeling it too
She does. But it’s a little complicated. And that also leads to my question. I talk with a couple people through her, but I don’t know how to continue to stay in touch, or how to just talk with them except to plan an activity or something.
I text and call my friends just to chat way more often then to hang. It’s definitely a little bit of both, but I stay in touch regularly using signal. I’m an oddity these days for sure, yet it’s still an option and way more private vs social media.