Hey.

I never lived in a city, not talking about the huge cities like London but average 50.000 to 150.000 people cities so I figured I’d ask people on here who actually lived in a city.

I grew up in a small town and now I built a home in a few miles away from where I grew up in another smaller town and everything would be cool if I wouldn’t have “fomo”.

My town has about 1000 people living and the next larger city has about 500.000 people (40 minute drive by car or 1 hour by train). And two other smaller cities with each about 75.000 people but only 25 minute drive by car.

Now that my wife and I have settled I can’t get rid of fomo feeling.

I catch myself thinking “man if would have built in the city,…” but my wife is right. We can’t afford property in a city and heck, even if we could afford it there is no property left to buy. And then when I visit the city to go shopping for clothes or just eat out I am always glad I can leave again.

But than I wake up the next day and would think it would be awesome to have a gym in the same block, a grocery store under my flat, a nice bar or coffee around the corner where I could socialize with others. But then my wife comes again with reality: “And it all costs money. You’d be broke two days after paycheck if you live in the city how you live in it while you visit it” and then she explains that life in the city isn’t all that great and I ain’t missing out because most people aren’t more social in cities than in our town or small city next to our town.

I imagine city life kind of vibrant though. “Hey let’s host a boardgame night” and 10 people showing up. But it might not be like how I imagine it? Is city life kind of overrated or am I missing out?

I go to the bigger city maybe once a month to go shopping for clothes I can’t get here. Like for example the skater shop a few brands. A few friends and I also take the train every half a year to party a night out but take the train back home. There are many things I also don’t like about the city, for example sometimes the smell, the homeless, the traffic, and I sometimes think I’d still need a car because of groceries, visiting family in the country side where I live now so I couldn’t sell my car anyways. Now that I have “settled” I shouldn’t be thinking about this anyways but there is always this feeling I am missing something. Maybe I should have lived in a city just for a year to experience it before building, but I never had the desire to. I was always happy leaving the city and I still am happy when I can leave after a whole day in the city but maybe I’d like it longer if I’d live in it?

This feels like a topic I am going to ignore til I am 85 and then add to a list of things I regret: “Never experienced city life when I was young”.

The only thing that makes me feel good though is that all my friends that currently live in cities are searching for property out of the city and want to move back where we all grew up and all of them saying I didn’t miss anything. My wife is also saying it, so I guess they might be kind of right. I am saying “kind of right” because this might be something that only one can judge for him/herself if city is good or bad. I feel like I have no opinion on this subject and this makes me crazy.

Edit: The only big city life experience I had was three months traveling through South East Asia where I stayed like a week in Bangkok and I remember many nights in Kao San Road partying. But that ain’t anything one can do every day in the city especially if you work. That was like vacation city experience and I sure do know I was glad when I left Bangkok. The next city experience I had was Saigon (Ho Chi Minh City) in Vietnam which was okay but I left it after day 3 feeling drained. The best experience I had was in Singapore. But I figure after reading all about Singapore that no city in my country could keep up with Singapore. I think I’d like living in Singapore more than in Bangkok or Saigon lol. But even Singapore was really busy…

  • skooma_king@lemm.eeEnglish
    2·
    3 months ago

    In my experience, it’s harder to make meaningful friendships in the cities I’ve lived in. I met more people, but it always seemed within five minutes or so the question “what do you do for a living?” would be asked, and the answer was “make-or-break” whether the conversation went any farther. For the record, I work in IT and have absolutely no interest talking about it outside of work (unless digital privacy is the main focus). I think a lot of city people are only interested in being friends with their own “class” or out of convenience (e.g., parents making friends because kids go to the same school, etc)

    Small towns you can’t easily dispose of people you don’t see eye-to-eye with, and I really appreciate it because you don’t get stuck in echo chambers as easily, and you learn to see things from perspectives you don’t agree with. In my experience, small town people are more ok with their view points being challenged without being totally offended, even if there’s no chance in their minds being changed. You just have to do it respectfully.

    My home town is super small (less than 1,000). I moved back to an area close to it with about 7,500 people and found that’s the sweet spot for me. It’s a tourist town, but my friends here are way more reliable and less fickle than the ones I had in the city. Can always plan a trip to the city if there’s some big event that looks fun.