You have all the powers that Putin currently does. Everyone completely loyal to Putin is now loyal to you. Enemies of Putin are enemies of you. Putin no longer exists, and there has been a clean and absolute transfer of power to you. The economic, military, social and political situations are the same as they now are. You are not inhabiting Putin’s body, you are just you. You’re magically transferred to the Kremlin. The world at large doesn’t know your past life, to them you have magically appeared as the new ruler. To everyone who knew you before, you just vanished.
Edit: no one knows your past life YET. They’ll quickly figure it out. You will not lose any support based on your actions in your past life.
Try to learn Russian really quickly.
You’re the president, just make English the official language. Now it’s their problem.
Blyat
Nice try, Putin.
Just asking for a friend
two chicks at the same time
They’re North Korean assassins. But you had a good run.
Eh, worth
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“That’s it? If you were in charge of Russia, you’d do two chicks at the same time?”
Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I were a dictator I could hook that up, too; 'cause chicks dig dudes with countries.
Man
Not all women are interested in power.
I bet at least two of them are!
It’s like running away from an octopus. You don’t have to be faster than the octopus, you just have to be faster than the guy standing next to you.
For an octopus you would have to be faster than 8 other people near you
I think it says a lot about the people on the interwebs that we started out talking about a ménage à trois and veered into racing against killer octopuses.
And yes, it’s octopuses, not ‘octopi’
You’ve just aptly described why this is the best part of the Internet.
I don’t think you’d have to worry about running away from an octopus at all…
D’uh. Everyone knows that octopuses are sea creatures and can’t run on land.
The octopus has a motorcycle.
Oh god…
Which one?Ducati
No but the kind of chicks who’d double up on a guy like me do.
Finally! Where’ve you been all day?! I thought that would be instant!
I know! Those 3 line are god damn masterpiece in screenwriting. I guess I just got lucky
The kinda chicks who would double up on a guy like me are
assign everyone a government mandated fursonaFreak the fuck out.
Pull back from Ukraine, Crimea, and Georgia, and negotiate an immediate ceasefire.
Call as many political scientists and scholars as possible and get their advice on how the fuck I can design a reformed system of democratic governance that is robust enough to withstand the inevitable attempts to undermine and corrupt it.
Find the multitude of stashed billions from the various oligarchs and seize it, use the money to invest in overhauling Russian society–improving infrastructure and education, improving the standard of living, etc.
You’d probably be tossed out a window before the day was over, TBH.
Yeah, people forget that tyrants never stand on their own. They are propped up by a complex system of corruption that benefits from the tyrant’s decisions. They will defend this system and the head authoritarian. Not out of love, devotion or loyalty, but to protect their own sources of ill gains. Just like a Mafia, it holds up on a shared complicity of its members on the crimes being committed. This is why generals force low level officers to witness the violations and tortures, and corrupt politicians tie in their underlings in the money laundering schemes. If everyone has something to lose, then everyone conspires to keep the corrupt system going.
Yeah, it’s a fantasy, and an extremely off-the-cuff, low-detail, wouldn’t-it-be-nice-if list. In reality, I’d probably either shut up and change absolutely nothing while I figure out the power structures, or I’d just work out a payoff to quietly step down and leave without a fuss.
Call as many political scientists and scholars as possible
This is the most reddit answer
What, asking experts who have studied a topic and has forgotten more about systems of governance and effective anti corruption efforts than I’ll ever know is somehow bad now? The fuck?
It isn’t bad, it’s just the type of answer you’d see on reddit. I don’t know what i’d do, frankly.
Should I consult experts?
I dunno, maybe
- Lemmy
transfer collective power of russia to hexbear and see what happens
Chaotic neutral
Get the fuck out of Russia
Oof, they’re already in a population crisis
Probably get assassinated if I’m being real
Probably shit my self.
Not because it’s scary or something, just because I have so much power that I can shit myself and no one would dare say anything.
I think i’m starting to understand dictators
Ideally, I’d call up Zelenskyy, ask if he wanted to hang out, have a beer and offer him the job.
Realistically, I’d be doomscrolling on Lemmy, have a wank, get drunk and go to bed.
Don’t stand too close to windows.
For starters:
Arrest Putin and all his enablers.
Stop all hostilities with Ukraine.
Return all prisoners.
Help rebuild Ukraine.
Develop Russia into what it can be. It’s the largest country in the world, lots of land and resources. Build it up responsibly and sustainably.
Recognize the positive achievements of Russia while trying to avoid past mistakes.
Contact Zelensky directly, and offer the following peace terms:
Ukraine gets it’s land back, everyone gets their own people back, war crimes are investigated. Inform him that if he takes the deal, I’ll start issuing orders to surrender immediately, and we can sign whatever document and do whatever ceremony when people aren’t dying. Delegate the orders to withdraw and surrender.
Call Trump and talk to him about future relationships with Russia. Immediately publish the phonecall so there’s evidence of him violating the Logan act.
Then I’d schedule a to see a physician so I can get some Healthcare, and start bringing in real experts so I can fix the domestic problems Russia is facing. This’ll probably include a translator because I don’t speak Russian. My overall goals with the reforms would be restructuring the central government to be an extremely robust democracy, abolishing corporations and replacing them with cooperatives, putting together better (especially IT) infrastructure, and dismantling Oil production. Russia is already a place where online piracy thrives, so I’d probably lean into that, and make state-sponsored programs that make information freely available to the entire world.
Big fan of the free info for the world, state funded open source solutions targeted at shitty companies would be good too - I’d probably start by utterly destroying Adobe snd then an open source printer that’s easy to manufacture on fllosh machines to kill HP and the rest of the awful junk companies.
This’ll probably include a translator because I don’t speak Russian.
I feel like that’s the problem for this question in general.
Invite DJT, Bibi and several other leaders to my dining room, on 14th floor, with great view as with many, many windows …
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I would want to be the sort of leader with tons of weird facts around himself, so
Offer a ceasefire with Ukraine, try to make peace with as little losses as possible. It’s not really my priority to make war, my priority is filling my wikipedia page with as many different shit as possible.
Abolish physics laws one day, then legalise it again.
Introduce Mann Co’s CEO policy for the position of Vice President. (Whoever can beat the current VP via one on one unarmed combat becomes the current VP, no matter who.)
Legalise gambling between 03:00-07:00 and ban it between any other time interval.
Define tax evasion as a taxable income source, as long as they detail how they commit tax evasion so future laws can patch it.
Take putin’s legalising piracy one step further and fund open source piracy software openly. Offer developers full time residency and shielding from law if they encounter legal troubles.
Make a deal with another country’s leader to declare war and make peace right afterwards, breaking the records for fastest declaration of war, shortest war and the fastest peace treaty. Maybe declare multiple wars in a similar fashion to try to keep lowering the records.
Recognise all micronations, with the exception of those around Antartica.
Claim Antartica is owned by polar bears and define all claims made there as illegitimate claims.
I wanna vote for u as world leader
How about this?
Captain Basculin: An Unconventional Leadership
Early Life and Ascension
Captain Basculin, an enigmatic figure whose rise to power is marked by unconventional policies and bizarre regulations, unexpectedly succeeded Vladimir Putin as the President of Russia. Despite the sudden and unexplained nature of his ascension, Basculin quickly established a reputation for his peculiar approach to governance.
Policies and Governance
Ceasefire and Peace Efforts
Basculin’s initial policy focus was on establishing a ceasefire with Ukraine. His goal was to minimize conflict and loss of life, reflecting his broader inclination towards peace rather than warfare. This pragmatic approach was coupled with a unique personal ambition to enrich his Wikipedia page with a plethora of unusual facts.
Legislation on Physics and Gambling
In a series of unprecedented legislative actions, Basculin enacted and then repealed laws regulating the fundamental principles of physics, creating a temporary period where physical laws were suspended. He also introduced highly irregular gambling regulations, permitting gambling exclusively between 03:00 and 07:00, and banning it during all other hours.
Vice Presidential Appointment and Taxation
Under Basculin’s administration, the Vice Presidential position was redefined with a policy inspired by Mann Co’s CEO selection process: the position would be awarded to the victor of a one-on-one unarmed combat match against the incumbent Vice President. In an unconventional move to address tax evasion, Basculin redefined it as a taxable income source, provided evaders disclosed their methods to assist in future legal reforms.
Piracy and Open Source Software
Building on Putin’s legacy of legalizing piracy, Basculin took a step further by openly funding open source piracy software. Developers involved in these activities were granted full-time residency and legal protection, creating a controversial yet distinctive facet of his governance.
Record-Breaking Wars
Basculin initiated a novel diplomatic strategy involving rapid conflict resolution. He brokered agreements with other nations to declare and end wars in record times, repeatedly breaking records for the shortest wars and fastest peace treaties. This approach extended to multiple countries, aimed at continually lowering these records.
Micronations and Antarctica
In a bold geopolitical maneuver, Basculin recognized all micronations worldwide except for those located around Antarctica. He also declared Antarctica as the territory of polar bears, dismissing all human territorial claims on the continent as invalid.
Legacy and Impact
Captain Basculin’s tenure was marked by a series of surreal and unconventional policies that have made a significant impact on international governance norms. His approach has both intrigued and bewildered observers, cementing his legacy as one of the most eccentric leaders in modern history.
I think you have some stiff competition on the shortest war from the Conch Republic. You’d have to sign the peace treaty in 59 seconds to beat the record. (Be sure that the enemy sets their killbots for a very low preset kill limit.)
