I’m 40 years old, in a crappy job without prospects despite degrees, and I have 0 friends.
I used to have a grand total of 2 friends before Covid, but then we lost contact. I’ve tried to rekindle, but all effort was onesided so I stopped.
I’m a lifelong spineless people pleaser despite lots of therapy, and the ironic thing is that this turns people off of you instead of having them like you.
At this point I don’t see any reasons to continue trying.
If I had one wish in life, it would be to be a stereotypical asshole with actual self esteem - those are the kinds of people who seem to be anle to reach all of their goals and have others worship the ground they walk on.
But as for me, I’m so turned off by other people in general that I would probably be morbidly amused to read, oh I dunno, that Moscow nuked Kiev (or vive versa), that Jerusalem is burning, or that my hometown was wiped away by a hurricane.
Not to be “edgy”. It’s emotionally debilitating, and to be clear I don’t enjoy/wish for human suffering.
I’ve just become as indifferent to it as the world seems to be to me. Simple tit for tat.
I’m tired. Kinda hoped I wouldn’t wake up from my anaesthesia today. Ah well.
If you don’t have a hobby, start by getting one. One where you need to interact with people, and eventually, you’ll meet them and possibly make friends. If you’re stuck between work and home, it’s hard to meet new people and move on. One can’t expect to keep the same friends forever in most y you just have to make new ones because people change
You’re absolutely right, and just yesterday I signed up to join a numismatics club in a neighboring city. I don’t know anyone there and this is rather out of character for me, but as you and others have said, staying in my little cocoon will never change my situation.
gang gang homie 🤙
I’m not going to promise you it will get better.
However, i admire that you’re even out there doing the thing after all the bullshit.Go for a walk—preferably among greenery. Breathe the air. Take a few pictures of pretty things.
I’m lucky enough to have forest nearby.
Here’s one of mine:
Honestly just doing exercise can be really good. Greenery is definitely a plus though!
I wish I had more to say than, “Hi, me.” But I don’t really… other than that I kinda spend more time with AI now than people. And I still people please with it, hah.
AI is so much better than people. I don’t try to please anyone. Fuck people.
It took courage to post this. Knowing you are fed up and want something different is easy. Getting to the point where you have very little to lose by changing is extremely hard. It’s astonishing how much suffering we’re all willing to put up with.
Everyone is a version of themselves. Right now you are a version of yourself that is not satisfying. Focus on changing one thing. Focus really hard. Maybe start with valuing what you want and think. Say no or break with one person every single day starting tomorrow. Even if it doesn’t help how people respond to you, it will help your self esteem.
I have always been a people pleaser. Drives me crazy. It’s a quality that is good for about two interactions with people until you see diminishing returns. But there are other things I have learned to like about myself and that’s enough to get me by.
Others suggestion of focusing on a hobby is an equally good way to find self esteem and others who share your interests. I wish you the best internet stranger.
Thanks for the kind words. I sort of bit the bullet and signed up for a numismatics club in a neighboring city. I don’t know anyone there at all, but as others have said, I do have to put myself out there for anything to ever change. Well, I’m taking the first step.
That’s great. I know how tough it gets. Life can feel cruel. Focus and talk about the things you like and find interesting. Leave out the things that you dislike and skip the news/social media for 6-months or so.
Damn Lemmy users are in a spot today, based on posts here and in casual conversation
Life is complicated… finding something you like is. But I just hope you find something you are interested in, want to use, improve, nerd about, and find people doing the same.
Or you find people that feel just as you, and exchange experience with them.
A ton of people are lonely out there.
Obviously this is in mental health. If you’re self aware of how cynical you are (and believe me, I’ve also been there as I’m also in my 40s), you really should look for avenues of therapy that resonate with you. Someone to talk to could actually hash out some inner feelings and turmoil you might be holding on.
I am/was a people pleaser also. It’s hard to not be nice when people ask but I also realize if I’m saying yes to someone, I’m saying no to myself or something that might be more important. It’s good to at least weigh the balance that way.
My final suggestion is a tall order. It may or may not be a popular suggestion here, but I found that stoicism has helped me. I read, watch videos, and listen to podcasts about the ancient Stoics and it helps me deal with feelings and encounters that enhance those feelings. Getting road rage? Take a deep breath and forgive that person who cut you off. Everyone has their demons and misfortune and perhaps they needed it more. But the point is you take and keep control of your feelings and actions and then you’ll pursue peace. Of course shitty things will happen in the world and you don’t want to be callous about them. But once you keep your integrity, authenticity, and pursue wisdom, courage, justice and temperance, everyone will see that and follow suit.
Good luck, stranger. I’m just an idiot on the Internet but your words pulled on my heartstrings.
Thanks for the well wishes. I’m already into stoicism - I read Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations, and some Epictetus, but despite the fact that it all resonates with me, actually bringing it into practice is another thing. I’m still trying though.
If you want some more reading material, check out Ryan Holiday. He’s more modern oriented with stoicism. And of course YouTube or equivalent sources from him.
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Tractor pulls sound cool
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I’ve been an avid weed smoker since my early 20’s, but I do live in a country where it is 100% illegal and not available medically, so my supply is spotty. Then again, I just had all my teeth removed, so smoking right now would be a very bad idea anyway.
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The physical wounds have closed, but mentally I’m spiralling.
I had expected some… drawbacks from the operation but God, I wasn’t prepared to be treated as a literal moron. People see I don’t have teeth or they hear my speech impediment and they don’t even consider me human anymore. Especially at work. On top of that, my son who is being bullied at school got successfully baited by one of his bullies to do something stupid in front of the teacher and he might be expelled. Life’s just a lemon tree that bears fruit daily…
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If anything, I applaud it… I just want it all to stop.
Even on days when it’s okay, even when months pass and it all seems fine.
My paranoia won’t subside, even now I’m scared even though I’m safe in my home. If it all collapses, it all stops, I won’t have to be afraid anymore.
I recognize that! I wonder how long you’ve been in this headspace? Definitely cynical loop as someone else said. That edge isn’t you it’s your state of mind that you might be stuck in.
When I’m in the red zone I’m irritable, and my values are to be honest so I tend not to be a people pleaser by default. I wonder if you being a persistent people pleaser is a symptom of you being depressed rather than the fixed trait you might think of it is as. Self destructive behaviour like that can manifest from low mood states.
Oh man, I posted this so long ago, and I wish I could say things have improved, but they’re so much worse now. I was spiralling and made some really dumb decisions that have since cost me:
- my job
- my SO
- my best friend
Right now I’m genuinely waiting to die. I’m still too much of a coward to do anything myself but there is nothing left to fight for. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up again. I’m beyond tired. I don’t even feel the pain anymore. I’m completely numb. Some people are simply too weak or broken to live, let alone to thrive. I feel sorry for stealing oxygen from more evolved and worthy creatures like, I dunno, gnats or earthworms.
Oh no. Well… I can’t offer much but maybe I’ll message you again in a month? If you want. You want some podcast recommendations?
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