I’m likely on a yet another burnout cycle, and I have little to no possibility of meeting with people thanks to the place I live. I also have trouble with socializing in general, even in online spaces.
Since my current job I don’t make enough to move or to live alone, and the only better place would cost me more than the Hungarian minimum wage (of which I make less than thanks to labor programs 🤢), I cannot really change this, also would only marginally help me since I always had issues with socializing.
practice socializing. its a skillset, not a genetic talent. people used to have to socialize to get anything done, and nowadays we’ve been able to hide from each other and get by. its awkward and scary to learn. start calling customer service people just to compliment. they will adore you. then call retirement communities and ask for random room numbers. they will have all the time in the world for you. start making eye contact and smiling when someone looks back. start wearing a conversation piece. you’ll soon be a katy perry video. that skillset is incredibly life changing. it will find you money and friendships and affection.
That’s some excellent advice friend.
“Someone told me the other day that he felt bad for single people because they are lonely all the time. I told him that’s not true I’m single and I don’t feel lonely. I take myself out to eat, I buy myself clothes. I have great times by myself. Once you know how to take care of yourself company becomes an option and not a necessity.”
~ Keanu Reeves
I am not sure if that quote is helpful. Reality is humans long for companion of some kind, we are social animals and that includes us on the spectrum. Company becomes a option when you are assured that it is there for you if you need it. But it is not for most of us.
the blessed keanu is a supermodel introvert. not everybodys path or optionset. But yes you should love and trust and secure yourself first, to be best ready for embracing others.
That seems to be fully off topic.
To neurotypical, possibly: yes.
Did you just call me neurotypical? Why
I mean, you are socialising right now, so that’s something. Why don’t you visit Mastodon and talk to some people there too? It’s rather easy to get in touch there, because you can just answer to stuff others post and there are tags for mental disorders that will bring you into contact.
It really does all start with you. Self acceptance, reflection, and mindfulness go a long way in dealing with others. Love yourself, others will love you. Practice it. Practice doing it in the wild. Don’t get hung up on how you come across. Life is a joke in the grand scheme. This mentality tends to draw people to you as well. Not sure if this is good advice but it’s worked for me. Also, know yourself and your limits. Set boundaries. Have realistic goals and expectations. People will disappoint you, doesn’t mean you have to disappoint yourself. 🙃
I’m in a similar situation…I’m not sure I have much advice for you, but I can certainly relate to this and the feeling sucks. Plus now the shape of what online communities look like are rapidly changing, which I think makes it harder for everyone, but especially neurodivergent people. That being said, I don’t think that ND people and especially autistic people were well served by most of the dominant platforms of the past several years anyways, so I’m hopeful that things will eventually turn out for the better, but there’s also the possibility that things could get much worse.
I think that podcasts have been helping a little. That and finding a new hobby (albeit not a social one). But some days are still really hard.
I’m assuming you have gotten enough good advice on actively socializing, so my tips are on how to deal with the feeling of isolation itself. Some small things that can ease the feeling, in reducing order of intensity:
Go for walks, smile and and make a second of eye contact with some random people you pass by.
Smile at and greet your neighbors when you see them.
Watch live streams, like talkshows, podcasts or gamers - it makes you part of a group even if you don’t say anything.
Watch shows with people hanging out in groups, for example D&D sessions like Critical Role or Adventure is Nigh.
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Any opportunity to actually meet people you should grab. And no advice you are given is exclusionary. Do everythng you feel works for you.
Any anime or sci fi clubs or D&D groups or anything in your area? Such groups are usually at least a little accommodating to our kind.
If you’re actually so remote even that’s not a possibility, a pet may help.
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Being surrounded by people and being seen by people are two different things.
It sucks but I actually prefer it when I’m ignored, I have had some problems in the passed with people’s true intentions. Usually bites me back, not always but enough.
Hogy van hogy game enginet programozol és nem keresel eleget?
- Game engine-t programozok és nem valami unalmas üzleti applikációt vagy weblapot.
- Portfólió hiánya.
- Diszkrimináció. Egy helyről biztosan tudom, hogy észrevették az autizmusomat, aztán megkérdezték a bátyámat, hogy harapok-e, vannak-e ok nélküli dührohamaim, stb. Állítólag egy másik helyről meg diákmunkáról rúgtak ki hasonló okok miatt, majd valami titkos adatbázisba felvettek, mint nemkívánatos személy, hogy ebből mi az igazság ne engem kérdezz…
- Nincs pénzem arra, hogy túléljem az első pár hónapot külföldön vagy Budapesten, a távmunka meg büdös a munkáltatóknak, mert nem tudják az embereket a nyílt terű irodáikkal kínozni.
EDIT: Arra viszont gondoltam, hogy az engine-hez írt szoftverszintikből csinálok plugint, hátha azzal tudok valamennyi hírnevet szerezni.
Hát én nem vagyok autista(/ának diagnosztizálva), de szerintem a prioritásaid kb a következők kellene legyenek:
- Ne veszítsed el a munkahelyed, illetve sose menj el amíg nincs új. Ez kb. az egyetlen mentsvárad hogy ne legyen totális remete életed amikor rossz időszakod van. Ha nincs munkahelyed csak mégjobban degradálódsz.
- Amíg nincs biztosítva hogy szocializálsz addig ne hagyd ott a szülői házat. Nagyon be lehet szopni hogy kimozdulsz egy lakásba aztán nemhogy a szüleiddel nem találkozol de mással sem.
Ezen túl nagyon nem tudok többet írni mert nekem is gondom van a szocializálással. :D Lassú gainekkel és önszántadból megtett lépésekkel tudsz előrehaladni.
Meg ha nem tudsz direkt megoldást találni az izolációra akkor le kell nyugtatnod magad. Én több mint fél éve antidepresszánst szedek mert minden nap fel kell kellnem és minden nap produktivitást kell leraknom az asztalra a társaságszerzés esélye nélkül. A lakásomon tudatmódosítókkal enyhítettem a magányomat, a szülői házban pedig szinte semmire sincs szükségem a napi stabilitáshoz.
Munkába járni sem teher hanem mégegy mód a szocializálásra és az emberek között működésre.
Went to a gathering of people last night in memory of a friend who killed themselves a couple weeks back, and it was nice, but just reinforced how unable I am to properly interact with people, and how fucking alone I feel constantly. I’m now in quite the shit place, no idea what to do.
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