I live somewhere where everytime I take a bus there is someone sitting on the outside seat of two. On the trains, a seat of two there is a bag or a coat. On the train a seat of four there’s a bag, a coat, feet or something else occupying the other seats. In a cafe the same…
So, one day I boarded a bus which was half full but no available seat without asking someone to move. So I picked the biggest guy then gave him a peace of my mind and directed the conversation to all in ear shot.
What happened, he ended up vacating the seat and like a preschooler wanted to know why him and not everybody else.
Ticket inspectors, cafe workers never say a word.
Your thoughts?
Firstly, thanks to everyone who’s contributed so far I appreciate it. I would say there seems to be some mistaken assumptions and no questions.
Piece of mind doesn’t translate to me as screaming match. I just used my words but It is natural to be upset when challenged. I didn’t raise my voice he did. I said within earshot not the whole bus.
If you think it relates, I suffer from an invisible degenerative disease.
Stare at them and mumbling is not my preferred means of conversation but my illness presents sometimes that this is the only way I can communicate.
When there are lots of seats available, I leave my stuff on the seat next to me. If no one is likely to need it, it is nice for me because it is more comfortable and doesn’t bother people around me. (Unlike, for instance, taking off my shoes and letting the smell of my sweaty feet disturb people around me.)
When it’s starting to be slim pickings, I put my stuff on my lap.
I’ve never had a problem when I asked politely if I could sit in the seat where someone kept their stuff. It’s just nice to give people the benefit of the doubt for something like this.
If someone singled me out for this, I would wonder to myself why they chose to direct it at me. Did my RBF strike again? Was it just random chance? Is this part of a scam? Are they a bigot? If I’m getting a full rant for something small and easy to resolve, I do question how far the person will go, since their reaction seems disproportionate. Are they going to escalate further? How much further? Is this person going to follow me when I get off at my stop?
The people who are taking up extra space are trying to tell you that they’d rather sit alone than talk to a stranger on the bus/train/etc.
They will move their stuff so that you can sit down if you ask. There is no trouble in asking and you don’t need to “pick the biggest guy.” Just ask someone “may I sit here, please?” That works 99% of the time.
What happened, he ended up vacating the seat and like a preschooler wanted to know why him and not everybody else.
That’s because some person yelled at him for what should have been a very civil and simple conversation.
A lady got on my bus one day with a stroller and got very mad nobody would give up their seat, but that’s because it contained three cases of beer and a garbage bag full of clothes spilling everywhere, and her Chihuahua.
Meh, I don’t think it’s such a big deal to mumble something and slightly point to the seat you want to take. Never saw them not take the coat/bag/whatever off.
its selfish, but its the world today. people are indifferent to strangers.
all you can do is not be one of them, and be polite. be the change you want to see.
passive-aggressively talking about the bad behavior is not a mature solution.
It’s selfish if they refuse to open up the seat if you ask.
Otherwise it’s just using free and open space for convenience until it’s needed.
eh? nobody was using it, so they put their stuff on it, usually its enough to stare at them for a few seconds
Or, y’know, ask politely
i suppose, but I would appreciate it a lot if someone stared at me instead of talking to me.
And then everybody clapped
I’ve seen people take the handicap seat which leads to a disabled person having to stand
Just as a reminder, seeing is sometimes not enough, there are some handicaps that are invisible.
But again if you’re polite, asking never hurts.
Even when it’s someone who shouldn’t have took the seat, i think being nice better incentive the good behavior anyway.
Thank you!
As a disabled person who looks like a youngish, able-bodied person, I try not to assume that the people sitting in the disabled seats are themselves healthy. If I need a seat and they’re taken, I will ask, “Is there anyone sitting here who isn’t disabled?” That generally gets somebody to stand up. Interestingly, it’s usually the older people. I guess they are better able to empathize with the need to sit.
