It’s someone from work. We planned on meeting at a nice vegan place. I’ve been waiting for an hour. Texted her a couple times at half hour intervals. Dunno what to do.
I mean, I will see her again. Cuz work. Just feels really shitty cuz I thought we could be good friends at the very least lol.
Edit: so, there was a possible explanation. I don’t know how plausible it is tbh. I can see either way. But we both apologized. I’m going to remain hopeful. I laid out my schedule and she said she did want to meet and that we can reschedule. I don’t know when. Waiting for her I guess. I dunno how assertive to be. I’m not good at this shit.
Try to remain confident you don’t know what happened yet. Give them a chance to rearrange the date.
I agree with this. Shit happens sometimes. Maybe she fell asleep, I used to do that a lot and miss dates and appointments.
I missed one because I legit fell unconscious and slept for 8 hours on a table at work from sheer exhaustion. Shit can happen just keep a firm upper lip and remember you’re the catch
I laid out my schedule and she said she did want to meet and that we can reschedule. I don’t know when. Waiting for her I guess. I dunno how assertive to be. I’m not good at this shit.
IMO, lay back and wait for her on this one. If she wants to (and is a reasonably reliable person), she will hit you up as soon as she can. If she doesn’t, it’s up to you to decide what kind of effort you want to put in because she’s either kinda flaky (absentminded, unreliable) or just not as into it (friendship or more) as you are. Give her a couple of weeks to a month. Maybe drop some reminders at work (“Hey, I’d still like to go out sometime if you have some time soon!”) but leave it up to her.
That’s an easy way to know if she’s into it, and if she’s maybe not (if she doesn’t get back to you), you could still pursue, but knowing it may never work and that you will be putting in more effort than her. Either way, I agree with came_apart_at_Kmart when he said:
another thing I’ve learned to do is occupy and enjoy myself spontaneously in pretty much any context, rather than refrain from an activity or socializing until an invited person arrives. it makes life more enjoyable and eased any pressure on late arrivals who feel bad about circumstances beyond their control.
If possible, have fun without her. Go ahead and your favorite appetizer, enjoy for you.
Best of luck!!
that blows to go through in the moment. waiting on someone who doesn’t come, I mean. as I’ve gotten older and have many Stood Up experiences under my belt (humblebrag), I now generally give people the benefit of the doubt and assume there is a reasonable explanation which will not be served by catastrophizing or letting my anxiety spin up some scenario. another thing I’ve learned to do is occupy and enjoy myself spontaneously in pretty much any context, rather than refrain from an activity or socializing until an invited person arrives. it makes life more enjoyable and eased any pressure on late arrivals who feel bad about circumstances beyond their control.
but I also kinda don’t really try to make concrete plans with people who flake an unreasonable amount of times either, just because it doesn’t work for me to hold space in my social calendar for someone if they can’t summon the ability to reciprocate. like no hard feelings, but also I tend to gel more with people who are similar to me in the context of being on top of their shit.
some of my instant favorite people are the ones where some big group social activity is planned and theres always that like ~10% who arrive in the pre-determined space right as the clock ticks the time, or the ones who have been quietly laying in the cut with a good vantage for 5-10 minutes. my hypervigilant, militant freaks. my people.
It sucks, but emergencies do happen - it’s forgivable.
Scheduling has to go both ways. Leave it up to her to sort out the next plan. If she doesn’t go through with sorting it out, then either she isn’t interested enough or she is just awful at making plans - either way, you won’t want to persue it any further.
Normally, if someone ghosts once, they will ghost again, but she asked to reschedule, so there’s still a good shot. If she ghosts you again, do not give her a third chance.
Not the worst outcome, don’t see what you have to apologize for tho.
Ime a perceptibly rising amount of ghosting / unreliability is just priced into dating now.
The good thing is that she asked to reschedule, so take that as a positive. It does suck that she didn’t say anything well after the agreed upon time, but take her at her word since she did eventually reply.
In so far as moving forward with a reschedule… I can see how that’s tough. I recently asked my crush out a couple of times and she initially said yes, but then things came up at work and I’ve been struggling with trying to figure out a good time to reschedule myself. I figure with the holiday season more or less winding down January might be a good time to try again. The wait is kind of killing me, but I want to remove the craziness of trying to line up our schedules now. So I feel you on that.
People continue to get worse at communicating on all fronts. Really sucks but not much to do about it
