Paul Reubens, best known for playing Pee-wee Herman, came out as gay in HBO's posthumous documentary, 'Pee-wee as Himself', which debuted on Jan. 23 at the 2025 Sundance Film Festival
As a gay man I’m not sure how I feel about someone considering this speaking ill of someone, dead or not.
It was, in all honesty, fairly obvious that Paul Reubens was, at the very least, not traditionally masculine and fitting within the very tight mold of traditional heterosexuality. It is sad, and a damning condemnation of our society, that he felt the need to hide that part of himself away until after his death. Part of the reason for that is likely the taunting and ridicule he received, precisely because of his inability to fully integrate into the role of a heterosexual man.
But being gay, being fem, being a sissy is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, and speaking about it isn’t speaking ill of someone.
I feel bad for Paul Reubens, because he felt the need to hide himself, because so many people believe it’s something he should be ashamed of, and I can’t help but think how much more amazing this world would be if more people could be openly themselves, as flamboyant or fabulous or not as they naturally are, without anyone thinking that it was speaking ill of them to point it out, or shameful of them for being that way.
I’m not saying it’s shameful to point out that he wasn’t conforming as a straight man. I’m saying it’s shameful to dismiss his coming out because it was obvious. For the exact reasons you’re saying here. No one can know your sexuality unless you say it.
When I came out to my family as possibly autistic, I was dismissed in a similar way and it was deeply hurtful.
I understand what you say but I think you are projecting. “It was hurtful to me that they knew before I say it, hence it’s hurful for everybody in the same situation”. Intent is not in the reaction. Only the reactionee owns the positive or negative take… I don’t think op comment came across as mean or with intention to hurt. I can see how someone could TAKE it as offensive given prior experiences BUT that does not mean INTENT.
They say we have 3 identities, the one we think we are, the one others thinks we are , and finally the one we actually are… sometimes other can see what takes us a while to realize. Or they see through what we think we are cleverly hiding.
My perception: I read your reaction as more negative or at least accusatory then dialoguing, compared to the original. I appreciate you explaining but I still award point to op. I won’t deduce points to you tough.
P.s. did you turned out to be in the spectrum ?
You said "possibly"autistic.
Self-diagnosed, yeah. AuDHD. Not getting the assessment for autism (super expensive and there’s basically no benefit for doing so), but am diagnosed ADHD.
I’m more than likely projecting, but the man took this to his grave. It feels disrespectful to be so dismissive of that fact. I won’t reply to this thread anymore though, cause I’m definitely too close and not thinking straight about it.
I respect this restrain. Like you said it’s seems close to home…but I meant no trolling or disconfort. I appreciate the discussion. I’ll award you +1 point. Redeemable at life.
As a gay man I’m not sure how I feel about someone considering this speaking ill of someone, dead or not.
It was, in all honesty, fairly obvious that Paul Reubens was, at the very least, not traditionally masculine and fitting within the very tight mold of traditional heterosexuality. It is sad, and a damning condemnation of our society, that he felt the need to hide that part of himself away until after his death. Part of the reason for that is likely the taunting and ridicule he received, precisely because of his inability to fully integrate into the role of a heterosexual man. But being gay, being fem, being a sissy is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, and speaking about it isn’t speaking ill of someone.
I feel bad for Paul Reubens, because he felt the need to hide himself, because so many people believe it’s something he should be ashamed of, and I can’t help but think how much more amazing this world would be if more people could be openly themselves, as flamboyant or fabulous or not as they naturally are, without anyone thinking that it was speaking ill of them to point it out, or shameful of them for being that way.
I’m not saying it’s shameful to point out that he wasn’t conforming as a straight man. I’m saying it’s shameful to dismiss his coming out because it was obvious. For the exact reasons you’re saying here. No one can know your sexuality unless you say it.
When I came out to my family as possibly autistic, I was dismissed in a similar way and it was deeply hurtful.
I understand what you say but I think you are projecting. “It was hurtful to me that they knew before I say it, hence it’s hurful for everybody in the same situation”. Intent is not in the reaction. Only the reactionee owns the positive or negative take… I don’t think op comment came across as mean or with intention to hurt. I can see how someone could TAKE it as offensive given prior experiences BUT that does not mean INTENT. They say we have 3 identities, the one we think we are, the one others thinks we are , and finally the one we actually are… sometimes other can see what takes us a while to realize. Or they see through what we think we are cleverly hiding.
My perception: I read your reaction as more negative or at least accusatory then dialoguing, compared to the original. I appreciate you explaining but I still award point to op. I won’t deduce points to you tough.
P.s. did you turned out to be in the spectrum ? You said "possibly"autistic.
Self-diagnosed, yeah. AuDHD. Not getting the assessment for autism (super expensive and there’s basically no benefit for doing so), but am diagnosed ADHD.
I’m more than likely projecting, but the man took this to his grave. It feels disrespectful to be so dismissive of that fact. I won’t reply to this thread anymore though, cause I’m definitely too close and not thinking straight about it.
I respect this restrain. Like you said it’s seems close to home…but I meant no trolling or disconfort. I appreciate the discussion. I’ll award you +1 point. Redeemable at life.