BP2. I’ve been in a depressive episode for almost 2 weeks now and I just can’t fucking deal right now. I run my own business and I’m ready to fire one client and to tell another to take their project elsewhere. I know, I KNOW I should not be making decisions like this in this state, but I just can’t handle it anymore. I basically quit in the middle of a meeting this morning because I couldn’t handle another pedantic fucking conversation, and now everyone is messaging me asking if I’m OK, and I’m not. And there’s really fun work that I should be focusing on, but I’m too preoccupied with the crap stuff, and I only have like 1/10th of the energy I should have, anyway, so I can barely muster the energy to just exist.
Thanks for reading. Maybe tell me to not screw up my life right now. Or tell me to go for it. I’m good either way.
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Checking in. How are you doing?
Short version: Not great.
Long version: I keep thinking the depressive episode will end, but it’s lingering. Unfortunately things have gone rather sour with the clients I mentioned above. I actually got pulled into a meeting where they pointed out that I’ve been rude and making their team uncomfortable, which was a weird eye opener, because I didn’t even realize I was doing that. I think I knew that things were getting away from me some, but I didn’t know I had basically lost control of how I behave in front of others, which is a scary thought.
Anyway, still dealing with the fallout from all that, but I’m hoping that with fewer stressers in the near future, I can find the time to re-center and get out of this episode.
Have you gotten medical treatment?
No. I’ve got regular therapy, but no medication. I worked with a psychiatrist about a year ago, but the first medication gave me a reaction, and he didn’t want to try any other ones. I talked to a different psychiatrist who also thought any side effects would be worse for me than whatever good the meds would do. So yea, not much I can do other than ride the episodes out.
If you have BP then it makes zero sense to not be medicated.
Yea, well, that’s the boat I’m in.
Maybe they don’t think you are BP or depressed.
I was diagnosed. I think you need to get away from the idea that medications just work for everyone. If that were so we’d just have one medication and we’d all be happy. If your meds are working for you, that’s awesome. Keep going. I’m envious.
I recommend you reconsider your idea that one medication not working means that all medications aren’t worth trying ;).
Sorry, are you a medical doctor? Because I am taking the recommendation of 2 of them. If you are, I’d love to hear more. If you’re not, then I think we’re done here.
Do you have someone you trust to manage the clients while you take a presumably much needed vacation?
