It’s not wrong. No one will go to Heaven.
Depending which religion you worship your heaven might already be at max occupancy.
Oh, are there religions who believe their afterlife is already full and is now closed? That’s pretty grim.
Jehovah’s Witness claim only 144,000 total can go to heaven. For a group that claims 8ish million members, that’s a small percentage of even themselves that can make it.
Damn. Everyone else to hell?
Nah. One of the very few things to the JW’s credit, they don’t believe in Hell. The worthy will be resurrected on an earth-turned-paradise, where they live as subjects of the 144,000, while the rest simply cease to exist.
Jehovah’s Witnesses believe heaven has a capacity of 144,000 and everyone else will be resurrected in a body of flesh.
Calling dibs on a hot, sexy body of flesh.
Only the dogs go to heaven.
Good news if you’re short! Do whatever tf you want, your fate is sealed anyway.
If heaven is full of Christians I’m choosing hell
As I always said, considering the requirements, heaven must be the most boring place to end up.
Good Omens had it right, they have all the musicians.
I half remember a Harlan Ellison story where God decided that only man can judge man and put the religious leaders in power to get to determine who goes to heaven. So all the Screaming Mullahs and Pat Robertson types are running things. Harlan Ellison was an angry person.
Did the universe get a firmware update, so that heaven lives up to modern standards?
So says the church of Google.
🙏
“You must be this tall to enter heaven.” Written on a wood cutout of St Peter holding his hand out just so high.
“Short people and people who eat too much pork will also not go to heaven.” reminded me of this (SFW actually) Oglaf.
And I am the bad guy for yelling at someone for telling my daughters about hell. Yes, me the father. I am a bad person for telling someone to stop lying to my kids about a fake place of pain.
Telling or yelling?
Because yelling just makes you look bad.
Sorta both. It really pissed me off. Going up to my six year old and telling her if she is bad she will be thrown into fire. Sick deranged fucks in the world.
I’m on board with you man. Real or not, they threatened your kid. It is justified.
Thanks at least someone is. I do play nice with other parents. My eldest daughter had a playdate with a friend of hers that happens to be Muslim, so I ordered out from a hallal restaurant.
Don’t tell my kid about your lying bullshit and I won’t tell your kid that they aren’t going to see grandma in heaven.
If it has just been something boring like “Jesus lies you” I would have let it go.
The list of people that can reach Heaven is very short, probably on purpose.
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Tall people? Believe it or not, hell
Average height? Straight to hell.
Tapping doesn’t do it for me
Thought I got it working, oh well its just the guy from parks and rec who says “straight to jail”
Oh well, at least I get to hang with the cool crowd.
Looks like I’m in!
So, like, if I qualify for all, do I get a bonus extra fun hell?
The full list.
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If you’re going anyway you don’t want to miss out on any of the fun.
You go to the special hell. The one reserved for child molestors and people who talk at the theatre.
Not sure what’s more stupid
Googling this
Or
Believing it
God: “we don’t need any manlets in heaven! Get your short ass out of here!”
