Masters of the Universe (1987) is one of the most infamous box office flops of all time.
Some people call it the worst movie ever made. But as a connoisseur of bad movies, I disagree. This film is nowhere near as horrible as its reputation suggests.
Is it a good film? No. Is it Ed Wood or Tommy Wiseau-level bad? Not even close. But I definitely understand why it was one of the biggest disappointments ever made. And to explain why, I have to take you back to my childhood.
Like every child of the '80s, my world was dominated by Saturday morning cartoons. I waited all week for that wonderful, glorious slot from 6 AM to 1 PM when I would be treated to the golden age of childrenās TV. Scooby-Doo, G.I. Joe, The Smurfs, Transformers, Looney Tunes, DuckTalesāa whole host of classics that have stood the test of time. But at the very top of the perch, at least in my eyes, was He-Man.
Not only did He-Man have great animation, fun action, and cool characters, but it also had probably the best toy line out there. And Masters of the Universe was supposed to be the live-action adaptation of this beloved TV show. The thing is, live-action adaptations had proven to be a goldmineājust look at Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or Transformers. They did gangbusters at the box office.
But Masters of the Universe wasnāt just a bomb. It was the bomb that helped kill Cannon Films, one of the most notable production companies of the '70s and '80s. This is the same company that brought us movies like Enter the Ninja, Death Wish II, and Breakinā. But why did Masters of the Universe flop so hard?
In many respects, itās a lot like the cartoonāSkeletor wants to dominate everything, and He-Man is there to stop him. But where the whole thing goes off the rails is in its bizarre, convoluted plot. Instead of an epic battle on Eternia, He-Man and his crewāalong with Skeletor and his forcesāend up in 1980s America, dealing with a bunch of teenagers and their everyday concerns.
What this movie should have been was a massive Star Wars-scale epic between the forces of good and evil. And we do get hints of that at the beginning. But then we go back to Earth, and suddenly, instead of an epic, weāre watching a coming-of-age story about teens preparing for their high school dance. Thereās this fundamental conflict between what the movie should be and what it wants to be.
Then thereās the issue of performances. And itās not the actorsā fault. The problem is that He-Man doesnāt get to be He-Man. Dolph Lundgren should have been perfect for the roleāhe was Ivan Drago in Rocky IV, an intimidating, larger-than-life presence. But in this movie, He-Man barely has any screen presence. His character isnāt written well. We learn nothing about his backstory, motivations, or even why heās fighting Skeletor in the first place.
Worst of all, the fight choreography is atrocious. Again, this isnāt Lundgrenās faultāheās proven he can handle action scenes. But here, it looks like he can barely swing a sword. The fight scenes are so clumsy that He-Man doesnāt come across as powerful or skilledājust lucky. And thatās not what you want from your hero.
Then there are the other He-Man characters. Man-At-Arms and Teela? Why are they even here? They contribute nothing to the plot. The only reason theyāre in the movie is because they were popular in the cartoon and toy line. But in the film? Useless.
And then thereās Gwildor. Oh my God, Gwildor. Heās so annoying. They created this character just for this movieāthey try to make him funny, but heās unbearable.
But you know how I said this movie isnāt all bad? Believe it or not, there are some good parts.
First, thereās Courteney Cox, who plays one of the teenagers, Julie Winston. In many ways, this movie is about her and her struggles. And I love Courteney Cox. She was my favorite in Friends, she was awesome in the Scream movies, and even now, sheās still a total babe. Seeing this young, 23-year-old version of her was a delight. Honestly, if this movie had just been about Julie Winston, I would have enjoyed it. I would have loved it.
But obviously, nobody paid to see a He-Man movie about her. They wanted to see He-Man. And the fact that the best part of this movie is something nobody came to see is just awful.
The other great part of the movieāmy absolute favoriteāis Evil-Lyn, played by Meg Foster. Oh. My. God. It blows my mind that this is the same woman who played Cagney in Cagney & Lacey because she is totally different as Evil-Lyn. Let me tell youāwhen sheās on screen, she does something for me. She steals every scene. And sheās a major hottie.
Not gonna lie, I would love to be Evil-Lynās minion. If she asked me to commit evil, Iād be like, āYes, maāam.ā But honestly, why is she even wasting her time with Skeletor? What the hell is he going to do with Evil-Lyn? She should ditch him and rule the universe with me.
Now, I might as well mention the other reason He-Man has remained culturally significantāheās become something of a gay icon. And if youāre into that side of He-Man, I think youāll be disappointed. While the movie is undeniably campy, itās probably not the kind of camp youāre looking forāexcept for one scene towards the end. But youāll have to slog through a lot of garbage to get there.
Gary Goddard directed Masters of the Universe, and he also rewrote the script. Whatever the original script was, I highly doubt it was worse than what we got. This was his first (and last) attempt at a mainstream Hollywood movie. After this disaster, the only notable thing he ever directed was the Jurassic Park: The Ride pre-show videoānine years later.
And if that wasnāt bad enough, Goddard has been in the news for some very unpleasant reasons. Heās apparently close friends with Bryan Singer, and, wellā¦ letās just say there have been some allegations.
Thereās no question Masters of the Universe has a terrible reputation. It holds a 21% on Rotten Tomatoes. Over time, audiences have somewhat warmed up to it, which is why it has a 5.4/10 on IMDb and a 2.5/5 on Letterboxd.
But while it has its fans, Iām inclined to agree with the critics. This is definitely not the worst movie of all timeābut itās certainly not good.
Watchable? Yes. Entertaining? Sure. But if you grew up on He-Man? No doubtāthis movie will be a disappointment.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=raYkZH8KVyY
@movies@piefed.social
Cāmon, no word about Frank Lenghellaās Skeletor? His make-up is amazing and heās unrecognizable, but even through the heavy latex heās playing Skeletor perfectly. Heās gleefully evil, campy and theatrical but still threatening, a perfect villian IMO. As a child I loved every minute he was on screen.
Cannon films, who made this, were infamously sketchy and responsible for some of the most baffling and terrible films of the 80s, with He-Man and Superman 4 being their most high profile flops. They were one of the driving forces in the 80s exploitation films with series like Death Wish (the sequels) which were filled with gratuitous sex and violence (and sexual violence).
Founded by Israeli brothers their modus operandi was to promise whatever it took to investors to get a film funded, without actually having anything behind the promises. Once they got the money they would bang together a script and film in the quickest, cheapest way possible.
Despite all this they are responsible for some of my favourite films of my childhood. They launched Van Dammeās career and made the cult classic Bloodsport. They popularised ninja films in the west with Enter the Ninja and the American Ninja series, and made Sho Kusugi a household name (ok, maybe just amongst martial arts obsessed teenage boys).
The documentary Electric Boogaloo: The Wild, Untold Story of Cannon Films is really great, I highly recommend it to anyone who grew up in the 80s or has an interest in cult films.
They made it a movie about teenagers on earth because thatās a whole lot cheaper to film than a space opera
I also loved the cartoon. However, MotU was a high end recursive cash grab based on a cartoon that was a 30 minute ad for a toy line. The premise was the same as 1999 Wild Wild West: Big stars + big budget + effects = success! No one cared about the plot, or the IP roots. The success would have been the movie wresting the IP away from the cartoon and becoming its own thing.
Thereās a dozen more examines of the same. The Super Mario Bros (1993), Battleship, 13th Warrior, Bewitched, etc. etc.
@atomicpoet @movies I saw it around 2 years ago, maybe 3, and while I liked 80s-ness, I was surprised how He-Man himself felt like an addition to the movie about himself. Skeletorās mask got old pretty decently.
I recorded this movie when it played on TV and watched it a whole bunch of times. But even as a kid I knew it wasnāt a real He-Man movie, but some weird mix up with the character names being in a movie.
For some reason the most memorable line of that movie for me was when they were going to someoneās house and the lights are on and Courtney Coxās character said they leave them on to deter burglars. Somehow that just stayed with me.
The marketing on this was horrible as well. I was 6-7 in 1987 and I didnāt even know this was a He-man movie until I saw it years later on HBO.
Mmmmm evil lyn
