“Folks we invented a new revolutionary connector… presenting…The Apple iDiot Port with USB Type-C 2.0 For everyone! Same ‘Lightning’ speeds without the licensing (cough screw you EU 😤) and uh…we are so excited about this that we are including it alongside the mindbendingly amazing retina 60hz screen you already know and unescapedly love from just last week when you stared down at the pristine now soon to be psychologically obsolete iPhone14 you just paid off. We are bringing latest tech we could put our hands on inside our beautiful walled prison garden. Exciting stuff sooo yep…Enjoy and buy it asap…” - Tim Cook the Books