I can’t even lay down for a 3 hour nap without having nightmares about this. In them I help do things like increase stockpiles of clean water for rationing since Isn’treal keeps blowing up Palestinian water treatment facilities, try and help resolve storage of energy since they also attack energy generation projects, and simply try to stay alive.

There’s also the terror of being caught in a warzone and knowing that the settler colonizers are out for blood, and who knows what the fuck they’re gonna do if they catch you now that they’ve been given a special level of permission (I was trying to avoid them in the nightmare, but unfortunately got caught and had to disclose the nature of my Western citizenship which is the only thing that saved my life, which made me feel even worse). I take this as a sign I’ve been traumatized, which I know is absolutely nothing compared to what the Palestinians living in occupied territory and Gaza have been and will be going through.

I’m genuinely afraid for these people, and I’m struggling to process everything right now. These people stand to be wiped off the face of the Earth by Western-backed and sourced colonialism, just like the Native Americans of North America, but as a speedrun against the surrounded open air prison they’ve been forcibly concentrated into.

Will Lebanon and Egypt intervene to save these people? I have no idea, but they desperately need all the help they can get. What are the chances Isn’treal threatens nuclear war if so? Again, no clue.

I’ve known about the general situation in occupied Palestine for a while, but reading some of the intimate details of apartheid has twisted my stomach so much that I don’t even want to eat, not to mention just seeing the plain reality of armed conflict on the ground.

I haven’t felt this shitty and stressed since Russia was forced to launch the special military operation in Ukraine to save ethnic Russians from ongoing genocide at the hands of neo-nazis (that was when I found everything out about the history of what had been happening since 2014). Since NATO stockpiles of weapons are so depleted and their military machine stretched too thin to take on the world, I expect we’re headed for a wider set of conflicts, potentially.

I know this needs to happen to buck the yoke of the colonial order, but it’s still quite stressful, especially with the threat of nuclear war. War is fucking hell, and we should expect revolution in the West to be just as ugly as what we’re seeing and will continue to see in occupied Palestine. In order for the world we want to come into existence, the current world order must be torn asunder.