I try everything I can, music, animation, art, programming, even Sports yet no one understands me!

It’s so hard to live with autism, and I’m wondering how I can get help. 😩

  • SeeMinusMinus@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    Having autism can be quite difficult. We are all in this together. There are people like you going though the same things you just have to know where to look.

  • Ivy Raven
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    1 year ago

    Being understood is difficult. I find I’m very intense when it comes to something I’m into. And I talk in long sentences or type walls of text. Those can make it hard for people to respond or interact.

    Sometimes you just have to do you and do it with pride.

      • QueriesQueried@sh.itjust.works
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        1 year ago

        I mean… as an autistic person, when your only statement is “I’ve done this, this, and that. Nobody understands!” Your statement is very critically missing anything to do with what people are failing to understand, or what you’re trying to accomplish. Autism can be hard, but complaining about this as an issue while not actually demonstrating an issue, and actually demonstrating a complete non-issue, is not going to get any help for yourself.

        All you have specificied here is that you:

        • Do things
        • Aren’t understood

        What are we supposed to get out of that? Sure, nobody is understanding, but you’ve given nothing to interpret or understand.

        If you have issues saying what you have issues with, I can relate, that is something I deal with. Expressing yourself can be hard. What makes it harder is not trying to express anything, because that “expressing” is hard. Express anything, even if it isn’t perfect or close to what you’re thinking, because at least you can hear yourself say it and think “oh, yea that is NOT it.” Eventually you’ll be left with whatever it is.

  • tygerprints@kbin.social
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    1 year ago

    Huh? What are you trying to say? :/ Sorry I was deliberately being an azzhole. I feel the same way you do. But, I stopped caring a long time ago. I never did fit in with other people, and I was never anyone’s idea of what a human should be. So, fuck 'em and forget 'em. I’m loving the life I was given, I’m gifted and have traits that make me unique. And I love being who I am, and that’s all that really matters. And I kind of like the fact that I get under other people’s skin just by existing. It kind of gives me a greater purpose.

    • 0x4E4F@infosec.pub
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      1 year ago

      Don’t have autism (at least, I don’t think so 😂), but yeah, I rarely fit into crowds as well. The funny thing is, people usually like me (I’m kinda the clown of the party, but that’s just who I am), but I rarely like them. I don’t avoid contact, at all, but if, let’s say, I exchange numbers with someone, chances are I won’t call you. I just feel like I don’t belong in that particular crowd… don’t know why, I just fell that.

  • 520@kbin.social
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    1 year ago

    If you want people to understand you, you have to communicate with them what you want them to understand. Explicitly. Don’t drop hints or clues, you have to say it outright. People are not mind readers, or even experts in non verbal communication, not even NTs.

    Hopefully the person you convey your feelings to is compassionate and empathetic. Be prepared for if they aren’t though. Don’t be afraid to just drop these kinds of people like a shit in the toilet. Just wipe, flush and walk away. They don’t deserve your time.

    • Wes_Dev@lemmy.ml
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      1 year ago

      That’s good advice. I had to learn that the hard way.

      Just because something seems obvious or clear to me, doesn’t mean it does to others. It gets exhausting having to explain everything though. It’s also equally exhausting to ask others to explain what the hell they’re talking about constantly, because they also assume you can read their mind and have the exact same thoughts and reactions that they do.

      And then you run into the issue with family or coworkers completely ignoring the things you directly do or say, and throwing their own bizarre interpretations and assumed motivations on top of it, and getting upset when you react.

      I’ve had people do and say things that are insulting and combative out of the blue on first time I’ve interacted with them all day, demand I reply, and then get upset of me for starting a fight when I ask why they are being rude, or when I reply in kind.

      Maybe I just keep bad company, but it feels like being gaslit 24/7.

  • Halasham@dormi.zone
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    1 year ago

    Yeah, it’s difficult sometimes. My friends sometimes don’t seem to get me sometimes but sharing common interest(s) seems to work. Playing games together even if not directly interacting (eg both of us on the same Minecraft server but me building a base and them exploring/mining or playing separate empires in a friendly game of Civilization or Stellaris)

  • carbon_based@sh.itjust.works
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    1 year ago

    I try everything I can, music, animation, art, programming, even Sports yet no one understands me!

    Language!
    Seriously, what i found out is that (kind of) everyone “speaks a different language”. Unforunately, most people are not aware of this, so the burden is on those who do get aware, to communicate in a language that the other one understands. Autistic people tend to use and understand languages differently, in characteristic ways. More formulaic or more complex, for example – thus a difficulty arises in translating their idea, say into somewhat more culturally-associative or sequetial/one-dimensional language.

    In other words, i think that i understand you! 🥲
    The list of things you tried to express in, those can all be taken as different languages, all with their own complexity and levels of formulaity, suitable for communicating different things. I mean for example, that music and arts can be good for displaying emotions and impressions, among other things. Even Sports can convey a lot of practical philosophy.

    So, for me it gets interesting when someone says that they are “not understood” but their list of languages they considered to convey their idea does not include verbal language. That is not a fault. Many people and by far not only ND ones don’t do well in verbal expression. Some of the most proficient exerts are very good at expressing their ideas in math, but ask them to explain all that in plain language or talk about the philosophical implications and they will fail.

    Perhaps you are asking for help with coming toward a “translation”, or perhaps it is about finding a suitable way to express. Or perhaps you are asking for someone who could resonate with your way of expression; someone who is able to communicate in your way.

    My first question back to/for you may be, could you explain it in words, in what ways is your use of those means of expression you mentioned different/divergent from the way others use them? – Or is it so that you “failed” in those disciplines at expressing your idea (trying to imitate rather than innovate)? (Did you ever think about it?)
    There are ways to going by example also online. One place for such things could indeed be the Matrix chat.

    The way in which you use a language or an art differently matters! If only few people understand you then you are doing something out of the ordinary. It might be unfitting in your social environment but it might as well be something novel.

    Here is an example from me. When I play my drum then I can tell a story. You bet there is rarely a 4/4 beat in that playing, and it’s not just any drum but it’s melodic. Rarely there is someone who would inquire about the playing but rather about the drum … because the technical seems to be talked about more easily than the dramatic, idk. And rarely there is someone who could follow, as the way is intuitive; I never play the exact same thing twice.

    I’d also ask you how old you are. It’s because more lifetime brings more experience and less lifetime brings less expectation. … I’m a fourty-eight year old boy who sometimes has something coming through in an odd rhythm on his very own kind of drum, and who sometimes writes multidimensionally, and who makes a distinction between “I” and “i”. And something that i am actually quite bad at but anyway – i’m coming to a conclusion that it’s better to seek the right people to communicate with, than trying to make everyone understand. Trying to explain all that in words might fill books, so it might be more easy to find someone who can understand and follow the drum.

  • BOMBS@lemmy.worldM
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    1 year ago

    I feel like that too sometimes. It’s an overwhelming, lonely, and hopeless feeling that is nearly unbearable. I just end up isolating myself through those times. It can help in the moment so that I don’t react in a way that hurts others or my relationship with them, but if I stay isolated for too long, I get even more sad and lonely. It also doesn’t give me an opportunity to find people that may understand me, which makes sense at the time because I’m already convinced that no one will anyway. I’m sorry you’re going through that, but I’m happy you felt comfortable enough to share here.

    If you haven’t already, maybe consider joining our chat when you feel better. We have a room specifically for venting and seeking help from each other, along with other rooms for lighter topics. I hope to see you there 🙂

  • tygerprints@kbin.social
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    1 year ago

    I don’t think I have autism either, but I’m just different. I like most people, but most people do not like me and I have no idea why. I’m as nice as can be, and don’t have angry outbursts or unpleasant habits and I’m very friendly. I’m just not most people’s idea of what a guy should be, though i don’t know why. I’m not effeminate or anything, and if I were, I don’t see anything wrong with that anyway. I just don’t fit into their ideal picture of what a person should be for some reason. But, I do have good friends who are loyal and I do have plenty of fun just doing what I do - so it’s all OK.

  • DudeDudenson@lemmings.world
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    1 year ago

    I don’t think expecting people to understand you is the right mind set. You have to understand them first, why they’re unable to see what you want them to see and guide them to understanding.

    Easier said than done but my point is that we shouldn’t blame others for our own inadequacies

  • Retro_Unlimited@infosec.pub
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    1 year ago

    I find in life that some people get me and some people don’t. I try to surround myself with people that do understand me. I know I’m different, but everyone is different. Just have to find the right kind of different. :-)

        • torpak@discuss.tchncs.de
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          1 year ago

          Nope, the burden of evidence is on the one claiming something contradicting current scientific understanding.

          • vaseltarp@lemmy.world
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            1 year ago

            I provided evidence. Why are you asking me to provide evidence if you are not willing to look at it?

            • biddy@feddit.nl
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              1 year ago

              I looked at it. It’s a bunch of anecdotal evidence from 2000 years ago. Anecdotal evidence is well established to be extremely unreliable, people hallucinate all sorts of nonsense all the time. I couldn’t find a justification for how any amount of anecdotal evidence can prove resurrection, which violates many scientifically proven theories.

                • biddy@feddit.nl
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                  1 year ago

                  What part? There’s nothing revealing about calling it anecdotal, all historical evidence for that time is.

                  I just don’t think the anecdotal evidence is relevant to this discussion. The claims of Christianity are so great that it doesn’t cut it for me.

              • vaseltarp@lemmy.world
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                1 year ago

                And another one who didn’t really look at it yet feels compelled to reveal their ignorance by making unqualified comments.

                • xophos@discuss.tchncs.de
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                  1 year ago

                  Now you’ve made me waste half an hour and read the paper completely. I have never read the word fact so often in so short a text and with so little justification.

      • vaseltarp@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        There is not much believe necessary. Only that there could be help because someone told them that there is. If they tried everything else, what is the harm in trying it with Jesus?

        • nyoooom@lemmy.world
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          1 year ago

          Jesus was born around 2000 years ago and the oldest person ever recorded lived a bit less than 123 years, so either he’s dead, either he’s hiding very well, and thus can’t do shit either without getting exposed.

          Checkmate idiot.

          But you might wanna try to get help with Santa tho, and don’t tell me he doesn’t exist, there are many more recorded encounters with Santa than with Jesus.

          • vaseltarp@lemmy.world
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            1 year ago

            That is a straw-man argument because no one is claiming Jesus lives in the way you are describing it. Also you didn’t even look into the link because your “argument” is not addressing any of the arguments in there.

            • nyoooom@lemmy.world
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              1 year ago

              I honestly don’t really care, you are free to live your religion the way you want, but I don’t think it’s okay to bring that forward on a post about autism and mental health. How would you feel if someone else posted that “Allah can help them”? Your comment just feels pushy about your religion without providing any other useful input to OP’s problem.

              • vaseltarp@lemmy.world
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                1 year ago

                I told them that because I really believe that the one person who can help them is Jesus and because I want them to get better. Do you have any advice that could help them?

                Btw here is a video of someone with a mental illness where Jesus helped: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9a6U-BF-T6g

                • nyoooom@lemmy.world
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                  1 year ago

                  Whether or not I have advice for them is not part of the debate.

                  That video is just anecdotal evidence, there is also plenty of evidence of religions creating a lot of suffering, particularly mental health issues related to education due to beliefs (for example for LGBTQIA+ community, which has a lot of overlap with the neurodivergent community).

            • xophos@discuss.tchncs.de
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              1 year ago

              All “arguments” in your text are just stories. Not a single fact in sight. But the word fact is repeated ad nauseam. As if it is trying to summon facts from thin air by invoking the word often enough.

        • xophos@discuss.tchncs.de
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          1 year ago

          What is the harm in trying it with the flying spaghetti monster? That’s one of the most funny arguments. As if the alternative to atheism is belief in your god. Like there aren’t a million other ones to choose from. No thank you. If I ever cast my lot with a god, (which is very doubtful) I’ll choose one that at least has a sense of humor.

        • biddy@feddit.nl
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          1 year ago

          Your argument is called Pascal’s wager. My main objection is there’s a lot of superstitions to try. If you want maximize the benefit of a strategy like you’re describing, you have to worship every god of every religion, obey every limitation on what you can do in every religion, superstition or conspiracy, take every supposedly magical medicine, ect. They all seem equally unlikely, but they are all believed by someone and if true would have huge benefits, so by your logic I should follow all of them completely. Except by doing that I am sacrificing most of my life for the tiny possibility of a benefit, rather than making the most of the life I know I have.

          • vaseltarp@lemmy.world
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            1 year ago

            That was only an argument why you could try it not an argument for the validity. For that you have to look at the link in my other comment.

            • xophos@discuss.tchncs.de
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              1 year ago

              Don’t forget that most religions have edicts that contradict those of other religions or even forbid you to practice other religions. So to maximize your utility function you would need to exclude those. I seem to remember that yours is among those.

              • vaseltarp@lemmy.world
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                1 year ago

                You forget that that there is another possibility: that one of the religions is true. Of course I am thinking that my religion is true just like you think that your belive is true. I have way more reason to believe that my believe is true than the minimal fact theory. The fact that you just dismissed all the facts in it as mere stories shows me that there is no sense in giving you the other reasons. Have a nice life.

    • SeeMinusMinus@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      Just remember everyone. This is a place of peace for believers in god and atheists alike. Arguments over this kind of stuff should stay out of this community.

      • vaseltarp@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        I’m an atheist

        My condolences. You will never find someone who understands you like God, your creator, understands you.