How do adults find a group? I haven’t played in 15 years (since I graduated from college). In theory I’m willing to DM, but I never have before so I’m afraid that I’d be terrible. I’m not sure I’m willing to risk embarrassing myself like that in front of people I don’t know.
A guy I know says he does free-form roleplaying with ChatGPT but that seems kind of sad - I’m not ready to give up on having a human connection.
Step 1: Learn to DM Step 2: Ask literally every person you meet to play
After 5-10 years you’ll have 2 people with waning interest and little time to play at a table.
And they’re both flakier than croissants.
Bonus points if they’re French.
Fewer bonus points if they’re French-Canadian.
Hey, they’re not flaky, they’re just on their mandated break. And then on strike.
an ideal we can all aspire to
I’m on strike from striking until there’s a mandated break for strikes
Option 1: Take the plunge as a DM, announce before hand that you’re new at this. Everyone who thinks they can do better is free to give it a try.
Option 2: Local Game Store.
Option 3: reddit /r/lfg. Google how to turn a search into an RSS stream, set up a search, be ready to jump into worthwhile-seeming posts quickly. Be ready to go through a few bad/mediocre groups until you find something that clicks.
Just go to your friendly local game shop (which has a play area) on DnD night, if they have none talk to the owner and get it going. I’d almost always had a full table when I did so. The hard part is showing up.
I used to do that, but all of the DMs running those games were sadists who thought the game is the DM vs the players and actively tried their best to TPK every session. It was bad enough that I quit going after a few sessions with the 2 different groups there.
A DM can always TPK the party, so there’s no game in that. I think you just encountered a different playstyle than your preferred one. Some people like mechanical dungeon crawls where everyone is expected to have one or two backup characters on hand because death happens.
These guys were hostile towards players. I’ll give you an example. I rolled a 1 on an attack against a goblin that was fleeing. The DM decided that a 1 meant I accidentally hit another player who was not even close to the goblin. He made me roll to see if I overcame the players AC and I rolled a 20, which he said meant I crit the other player. Then he had me roll for damage and I rolled max damage and killed the other player. It was that player’s first time playing and they had spent a ton of time creating their character. That was when I decided I didn’t want to play with that DM any more. Deciding I hit another player all the way across the room was hostile, and then forcing a crit was icing on the cake. Actually having me outright kill another player when I was attacking a goblin with eldridtch blast is just ridiculous.
A critical fumble system is in use at many tables including my own. No where near as extreme a thing as you believe it to be.
I’m familiar with the system, it’s in the rulebook. It’s his decisions on how to handle it by attacking another brand new player that I disliked, especially since that sort of thing was common for him and he seemed to get enjoyment from it. If you as a DM get enjoyment from killing your players then you’re not the DM for me. I’ve played D&D off and on for 35 years, and those were the only two DMs I’ve played with that were actively trying to kill their players. Not my thing, which is why I don’t play there anymore.
If you want dm here is two tips. 1. Be honest that you lack experience. There is few dm compare to how many players there is that wants to play. That there is tons of understanding and patience as they are just happy to finally play.
If you really unsure try find dms that wants to play. They often know how “difficult” it is in the start out and often really starved on being a player and dying to play.
Go for one shots like The Lost Mine of Phandelver. Great prewritten adventure that takes like 4 sessions(you could go like one part if you really unsure). If it is awful then you never have to see them after that.
If it went okay you can do same one again and this time it will go much better.
If you absolutely hated it then you never have to dm again but now you know that.
Au contraire mon ami. Perfect strangers are easier to cut off. Id suggest to play online. Heh, if you want a guinnea pig if our schedules align I could be one player that is fine with helping a player join us on the other side.
One of us, one of us, one of us.
I can even teach you a few tricks with roll20 for example.
Hit me up if youre interested. Im not kidding, I am willing to help as long as we find the time to do so. I am a DM and a player
Go to game stores and ask the staff. Go to conventions. Google for professional DM’s. Sign up on roll20 and look for open games. Have some kids and start running games for them. (This one’s more work.)
By being active in some community For example people got interested in role-playing games in the Ravenclaw community run discord for Hogwarts legacy when people asked about role-playing games There are also d&d and pathfinder youtube channels which have discords where you could ask for players
Sadly it takes a bit more effort than the days where people joined after school stuff for this stuff
Everyone is terrible at first, as long as you set expectations and you have a mature group I don’t think your lack of experience will be a problem. Once you have done it a handful of times you’ll get the hang of it and find a style that works for you.
One shots are a great way to try it out without promising yourself to an extended campaign.
I’ve always had success at tabletop roleplay forums, local games stores or Facebook groups etc.
As a DM I’ve been consistently been finding engaged and reliable players in the few places I lived during the last 15 years.
It’s not hard but I give myself permession to not allow players into the group that I don’t think fit. That way you will normally end up with a decent bunch of people. And make some friends too on top of a dnd group.
My girlfriend signed us up for a local dnd club
My IRL friend group I dm’d drifted apart recently cause of life stuff and I’ve been wanting to get a new group going. I’m so unsure about online recruiting though. I just don’t trust that I’ll get anyone I want to play with.
Got some tips for you
0 - Don’t expect to get an awesome group on the first try, may take a while as you gather up people you want to play with.
1 - Look for communities, especially if they run shorter or west marches style games. Not necessarily join with the intent to run games, but play. Get to know folks and then extend invites to them for game.
2 - Run a few shorter games of limited length. 3-5 session long I find to be awesome to get something done. Some may be awful but you only have to stand them for a few games.
3 - Questionnaire where you discreetly bring up your red flags and feel the waters around them. For example I always mention that safety tools will be used and if they want a specific tool used I’ll happily do that for them. If I get replies they don’t need safety tools or disparage them in some way that would for me be a red flag.
4 - Don’t be afraid to disband groups or kick out folks. It is not a failure.
safety tools
?
If for example you display a subject that a player has a traumatism with. You might want to check on that before playing
Basically just a list of topics the DM and the players might be uncomfortable with or just not tolerate.
A lot of people use ‘lines and veils’ where a line is a hard no and a veil is fine as long as it’s happening offscreen.
As an example, as the DM I would have sexual assault down as a line. I just don’t want it in my games. A veil would be something where it can happen and be referenced but not occur in front of us or be overly dwelled on. I’d have sex in general as a veil as well as things like torture. I’m just not comfortable enough with those topics to roleplay them actively.
Those are some good tips, I appreciate it. It seems like joining some groups as a player might not be a bad idea, and doing a short campaign sounds smart too.
For me the main things I’m looking for are people who want to do cooperative immersive story telling, rather than meta gaming, murder hoboing, or being really goofy and ridiculous. My games are fun and we laugh plenty, but I want people to take the roleplay seriously and try to immerse themselves in the setting. The game is just there as a tool to help tell good stories together.
“Tank looking for group”
Yeah, there’s a ridiculous imbalance.
And then you start DMing, even as a beginner who has no idea what he’s doing you get 6-8 players at the table, that party size is unsupported by the balancing tools given by WotC so you wrack your brain trying to come up with challenging encounters for the whole group, burn out, stop DMing, and the imbalance worsens even further.
And of these 8 players only 3 show up consistently.
This was my motivation behind allowing more players in the first place. My previous group basically fell apart because I had 3 players and when one of them canceled last minute - which was basically all sessions - there weren’t enough players for a session. When one of those players dropped out permanently, I went online to look for more players, and I figured: “Hey, if I have 6 players with the same flake ratio then I’ll have a 4-person party most of the time. Let’s do this!”
But then the fuckers started showing up consistently for every session!
And even though I’m a noob (well, not so much since I’ve been DMing for a year now, 7 months of this for this large weekly group… but I still have no idea what I’m doing) I still have to make some new applicants take a number. Which just underlines how much of a DM/player imbalance there is.
(I’m planning to split the group based on player experience level into two biweekly campaigns of 5 players, that way I might be able to allow a couple of newer players to join and still preserve what was left of my sanity.)
But then the fuckers started showing up consistently for every session!
Suffering from success
I wonder if there would be a way to consistently split a single character across two or more people. Maybe that character has a fantasy version of dissociative identity disorder. Sometimes they go multiple sessions under control of one player or another, and sometimes there are multiple players in the driver’s seat in a single session, either taking turns or controlling different aspects of that character, a la Everyone is John.
If 1-2 players are missing then their characters receive the Talisman of Protection from DM Stupidity and I take them over in combat.
I’ve never played D&D ever but the only draw for me would be being a DM. maybe I just don’t know enough about it.
Just put your foot down and refuse to add more than 5 players until you’re experienced enough. (*sigh* I wish I had followed my own advice.) Sure, CR started with 7 regular players and sometimes they have even bigger parties with guest players… but that’s Matt Mercer, he knows what he’s doing, and the players are also good enough to avoid making it a nightmare for him and each other. You as a noob DM will have your hands full with herding 4-5 overly excitable cats and managing the rest of the game.
Thats why you talk to more experienced DMs, before you start DMing.
Bold of you, to assume the players do ever have time, when we the games supposed to be going.
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