when i do A for long enough and my overall net worth comes close enough to zero, i switch to B and am only sometimes capable of wrangling it in
it seems impossible to actually have a balance - those two philosophies make the most sense (trying hard vs nothing matters)
whyyyy. furthermore, are there any good ways to manage this that aren’t sort of self-flagellating or overly concerned with minutia (ie like the YNAB thing). no cult stuff pls
Are you budgeting and allowing for fun when you’re in the A phase? If not, or if you are but not at a reasonable level, it might be caused by a reaction to extreme limitations on yourself.
Are you bipolar?
For real, this can be how bipolar shows up in someone’s finances.
Have you ever been to therapy? Tbh it sounds more like something psychological that talking to someone about might help more than a trying to find some framework to deal with it.
I think shifting your reward cycle would help. Right now you are hooked on the dopamine from going hard, which is fine , but if you want to change, you need to replace the reward system. It also might help to ask how old you are? It is a tendency of the youth to have a lack of long term vision, which can make it hard to create a more sustainable reward cycle .
Maybe your ADHD? But sounds like you need a therapist
Honestly? Maybe try shifting what hedonism looks like for you. Eating out, camp fires, hanging out at the bar just eating and people-watching(nevermind intermittently becoming absorbed in the garbage that’s usually on the TVs), …
… and of course a bit of drinking(a buzz is better than a blackout, and taking two or three hours with some appetizers and soda to sober up is better than having to spend money on an Uber - things that bring your further joy, as opposed to staring out a stranger’s car window or trying to sleep on the ride).
Find your own arbitrary minutia. Stupid stuff, like keeping that night’s drinks budget to around what the Uber home(or food & caffeine) costs. Tip the strippers only in what you’re comfortable parting with in $5 bills, $10s or $20s(blows my mind there’s still assholes tipping in ones, nevermind the majority of club-goers doing it).
Find amusement in making up your own little rules to keep your budget it line, yourself out of jail, and even verbally talk up your own ego. Think of it less in terms of reigning yourself in, and more, “I deserve better than to lose it all in one night”. Build up your confidence, and build up a friend-group that apprecieates you just enjoying yourself with even half-assed restraint going on.
Helps to learn to intermittently splurge on others, yes, even the bar-flies and other drunks - espeacially when there’s nothing in it for you but the amusement at how fake and happy they get over a free drink. Let the people who start the night with an Uber and/or even pre-gaming provide the antics, the stories that make you chuckle and shake your head later.
Note: I’m cheaper than all this(except the stripper thing, once in a few years or so) - half of it is me trying to put into words how my gay best friend conducts himself, and what I get out of hanging out at the bar with him every few months. Neither of us are actually interested in sleeping with the bar-flies or strippers, so apologies if that doesn’t work for you. Find what does.
I like everyone’s answers here.
1a. Definitely take at least some consideration of what your mental health looks like over those periods. It could be a symptom. (Not that you won’t sadly still need coping strategies regardless. Mental health issues just suck.)
1b. Do you have a career where there are seasonal variations in workload? Are coworkers or family or friends potentially influencing your spending behavior?
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You’ve already heard of YNAB. (And it’s like only 10% a cult? 😂) I think it could be a useful tool for you. Since you seem to hate the minutia keep your categories dirt simple. Debt payments, short term fun, fixed expenses. Break them down only so far as they are useful for YOU. YNAB will get pretty good at guessing categories for you these days.
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Consider what you are working towards when you are in a working hard phase. What makes those savings worthwhile? Afterall - money is only a means to an end. I find it easier to save and consider giving up buying that $800 pair of new powder skis I really don’t need if I know it’s to go on an epic honeymoon in a year. Personally and maybe not as easily applicable, I’ve had an issue of saving too much… so I also gave myself the list of goals I was saving for and what timeline I wanted for them and I avoid saving more than I need for those things over that time. (Retirement, wedding, down payment, honeymoon, student loans.) After that set amount… all the money is mine to do what I want with so I can spend it on what makes me happy without guilting over it.
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