So I’m not sure how to define my sexuality. I only care because I have a hard time explaining it to others (men mostly women don’t care).

Basically about 2 years ago I came out as bisexual (50/50 attraction). I had a lot of sexual trauma and resolved it in therapy. I had a whore phase to explore myself, but I honestly don’t enjoy sex that much. I maybe cum 1-2/10 times, so mostly it’s been about pleasing my partners.

A couple months ago, I basically stopped dating because I kinda don’t care to. I find I get much more out of dance and hobbies. I still get horny, but after masturbating, I am back to not caring.

Sex just sounds remarkably unrewarding and too much effort. I like connecting with people, but dancing with someone is way less complicated than arranging sex for the same reward. Friends annoy me sometimes because they assume I’m just not having success.

Is this asexuality? I still sometimes like sex, just very rarely.

  • lightnsfw@reddthat.comEnglish
    2·
    11 months ago

    I like sex well enough and I have a very high sex drive, it’s just hasn’t worth the effort so I don’t pursue relationships. I wouldn’t classify myself as asexual. If I magically found myself in a relationship with someone I was compatible with I would pursue that. The problem is finding that person. I’m not sure what that is considered.

    • alvvayson@lemmy.worldEnglish
      2·
      11 months ago

      I am no expert in all the nuances, but I second your opinion that the description seems to match demisexual.

    • Dislodge3233@feddit.deOPEnglish
      1·
      11 months ago

      Demisexual would fit perfectly if “deep emotional connection” were replaced with “the right energy”. I don’t need a deep connection in the traditional sense, but I need a very particular energy which is rare.

      The last person (woman) I had this with could barely understand me when I spoke (different English accents). We danced and I felt a strong connection. Ultimately it’s emotions, but it was like we move and breathe the same. Like our bodies flow together and connect. We only danced and kissed, but I’d rather dance with her than fuck some beautiful person who I didn’t have that with.

      So maybe a deep emotional connection, so long as “emotional” includes a wide variety of emotions.

  • DavidGarcia@feddit.nlEnglish
    44·
    11 months ago

    Depends on how strictly you want to define asexuality, some people will say yes. From what you’re saying, I don’t think you are.

    For most women sex isn’t enjoyable unless they are in love with their partner and feel safe+cared for. Only a small minority of women enjoy casual sex with strangers all the same. The frequency and quality of orgasms is very dependent on this.

    For men it’s the opposite way around. Most will enjoy casual sex, only a minority doesn’t. Love+ feeling safe is a factor too, but it’s less of a difference.

    It all depends on what hormones you have flowing through your veins.

    So I’m guessing it was just bad relationship. Or another possibility is bad sexual health, which is also very common these days (mostly because of cardiometabolic health).

    If you want to find someone to care for you, you have to signal that you appreciate being cared for and reciprocate. Most people today fail at either of these steps, it is especially hard for people with trauma.

    • ElectroNeutrino@lemmy.worldEnglish
      31·
      11 months ago

      I’m sorry, but it feels like you’re reducing sexuality almost entirely down to nothing more than biology, when it’s so much more complicated than that.