I need major help with this. I am stagnating in life, I don’t know where to go next due to this issue.

The things I like to do (in cycles bc, as title said i dont stick to hobbies) are always something super competitive or don’t make any money. I like to learn, so I dive into all sorts of hobbies like coding, 3D art, vfx, video game development, a whole bunch of random things (but are generally about creation).

I do not have the ambition, motivation, or lasting interest to pursue just one of these things, ESPECIALLY not as a career. If I pick a career path based on a passing interest, I will hate my career and become even more depressed, and honestly just quit no matter the consequences (ive done this with jobs). I literally will pour hours of dedication into learning something random like coding (on this right now), and drop it next week like I never touched it and move on to another thing. I cant force myself to go back to it, either. This is a painful process to me, it’s as though my learning is all in vain as I let my knowledge fade away, and worse, this makes it so I CANNOT settle on a career.

If anyone has any advice for me, I am open to every and all suggestions. If you have been through similar and got through it, please let me know how. I do take adderall btw.

edit: thank you all for your thoughtful responses, i have read them and i do plan on answering as soon as i have the time! thank you guys so so much 💜

#adhd

  • shepherd@kbin.social
    6·
    1 year ago

    Hi friend, you got this.

    I’ve been exactly there, and you got this.

    Obviously, there’s a lot going on here, so right off the bat:

    Give yourself time to change, don’t expect everything to be different right away. Every day, what you do adjusts your ship’s direction like maybe 1° lol. Maybe 0.0001°.

    The goal is to eventually be aiming somewhere that you like, but it’s okay if you’re having trouble steering today. If you had a shit day yesterday, and you steered 3° the wrong way… It’s okay. Today, it’s time to steer a tiny bit back. Just a bit of work. Tomorrow hopefully a little more work, we’ll find out when we get there.

    Good luck, captain!

    It’s okay to ask for help with this. Therapy is professionally trained help so that’s extra good, but asking someone you trust for support can make a big difference.

    I’M SERIOUS THOUGH, IT’S YEARS MAYBE DECADES OF GENTLE STEERING. WORKING SLOWLY BUT SURELY. GOOD LUCK CAPTAIN.

    So two things helped me, and maybe they’ll help you too.

    1. LOOK FOR GOOD ENOUGH.
    2. WHAT IF CHAOS WAS THE GOAL?
    • shepherd@kbin.social
      8·
      1 year ago

      @minnieo

      ONE - GOOD ENOUGH

      The most ideal thing would be to discover the exact perfect career that you love forever, one that perfectly syncs with your unique brain lol. But… Well, I’m not you, so I can’t know what that would be. I’d be very happy for you if you did find your holy grail though!

      Buuuut. A single, super-perfect career is a very high bar. It might not even exist right now.

      So screw that, don’t look for perfection. Don’t look for most optimized career path.

      Right now, look for the most accessible job that you can tolerate. That’s where we’re starting, path of least resistance. Something you can do, anything, so you don’t go straight up homeless. Don’t sink the ship lol.

      For me, my tolerable job involves moving most of the day, a bit of actual thinking every now and then, and never starts before noon lmao. For me, jobs that don’t hit those marks are intolerable. For me, this is good enough.

      My tolerable job doesn’t make a heck of a lot of money. But it covers the basics for me, and I try to plan out my savings for exciting expensive new hobbies in detailed, step-by-step shopping-order lists that I eventually forget about anyways lmao.

      For now, find your good enough.

      I think you are (as I was) panicking about being a sinking ship. You’re right, that is not ideal. Out of your available options, pick the one that seems the most tolerable and start there. You get better at recognizing jobs you can tolerate with experience, but job hopping is work so do tryyy to pick the one that you’ll stay at the longest. Job hopping monthly is… exhausting.

      • shepherd@kbin.social
        8·
        1 year ago

        @minnieo

        TWO - WHAT IF CHAOS WAS THE GOAL?

        So Step One keeps you afloat. You need to not sink, because Step Two could take years or decades. My tolerable job keeps me afloat, and staying afloat means I have the space to work on this step.

        I use this mantra: What if chaos was the goal?

        This takes some unpacking because it’s not what you’ve been told before. Everyone tells you to stuff all your uncontrollable creative manic learning into a tidy box, and put your stupid box into a neat cubicle beside all the other tidy boxes that aren’t supposed to be dripping in this weeks paint-pouring hyperfixation.

        Nah.

        What if chaos was the goal?

        What if you were supposed to be chaos?

        What if your brand of chaos is what people want?

        Our life’s work is figuring out how to harness some of your unstoppable creative output into… literally anything that will help you make money lmao.

        Consider this: There are people who really like those tattoos that look like “unfinished” sketched lines. There are people who pay to watch an artist do some crazy thing in sand. There are people who actually prefer what you consider to be unfinished random works.

        Your chaos output? It’s not useless, that’s the plan, man. CHAOS IS THE GOAL.

        I can’t help you with this either, you gotta figure it out for yourself. Figure out how to turn your brand of weird brain into something that someone wants.

        Yes, you jump around a lot. WHAT IF THAT’S WHOLE THE POINT? Some people do it, and a lot of folks really like that apparently.

        MAKE CHAOS THE GOAL.

        To be responsible here, you gotta find your tolerable survival baseline. But outside of that, you neeeeed to be figuring out how to convert your chaos energy into something that’s going to help you out.

        It’s not going to be an easy job. You’re a ship full of TNT. Everyone else is saying you need to keep a lid on that exploding shit. I’m telling you, keep your boat steady, and let’s figure out how to focus your exploding shit into a damn rocketship.

        • Rexxiter@kbin.social
          4·
          1 year ago

          I love every part of this @Shepherd and I love that you asked this @minnieo. I needed this from you both… To know I’m not alone here.

          I’ve been leaning into that chaos more and realizing that hey, so what if I’m painting my basement ceiling at 2am? I’m getting something done, no one’s getting hurt, and I’m off tomorrow.

          I’m feeling less stress because I’m not trying to force myself into the structure of how I’m “supposed” to be doing things

      • brownpaperbag@kbin.social
        3·
        1 year ago

        @shepherd has captured my sentiments on this, existing in a similar boat of hobby fixation and jumping.

        I found something tolerable that has enough day to day variation, [usually] weekly mental challenges that involve my problem solving skills (I’m a software project manager), and enough communication-based activities that I’m mostly okay with it nearly 10 years in. Caveat: I have been working remotely since late 2016 and this is probably a huge part of staying with it for me. I stumbled into this career path in 2008 via a temp role for sales admin at a software company that then became a full time role. That I then automated 90% of and earned myself an opportunity to move into support which eventually got me where I am now.

        All that said - I am bored. I’d like to do something else. I don’t know what that looks like. But I have [very slowly] accepted that it’s okay to be bored and that all the new skills and hobbies I like to acquire and dabble in will slowly paint a picture of new, unconsidered possibilities for future opportunities. Heck, I joined up with a volunteer fire department last year and that is scratching so many itches: constantly learning, regular training and meetings, no call is ever the same, I get to leverage skills I’ve been developing and using for decades, I get some socializing, and I get to help people. I’m exploring this chaos with my regular, boring job and I’m hoping to find that balance.

        Apologies if that was rambly.

        • shepherd@kbin.social
          2·
          1 year ago

          @brownpaperbag No apology needed. I read your ramble, and your thoughts have worth!

          It sounds like you’ve been guiding your ship for a long time, that’s great to hear! I’m really happy for you, that’s actually a really big deal lol.

          And oh man, I’m thrilled to hear that firefighting is working out for you. I don’t need it right now, but it’s something I’ve thought about often and I guess I’m saving it for when I need to shake things up again.

          @minnieo

          Brownpaperbag is a great example of someone who’s picked something tolerable for them, and is now exploring the world.

          They initially picked a part-time temp job that seemed okay, and then gently bounced around as they dialled in how much responsibility they can handle vs what they can tolerate. That’s just right! That’s what I want for you minnieo.

          And they’re also working out the chaos part, but because they’re not on a sinking ship, they get to take their time with the journey. Take their time exploring. Brown has space for their chaos, and that’s the goal here.

          Keep going brown!!

          • brownpaperbag@kbin.social
            2·
            1 year ago

            @shepherd thank you for that extremely thoughtful, supportive, and kind reply!

            If you do ever head the firefighting direction, feel free to reach out! I’m still a probie for another 3 months but happy to share anything I’m able to.