Yet another reason I wear my Pride stuff is that I’m a generic looking cis white dude in a remote conservative state, so people assume I’m as bad as they are, and it keeps bigots from approaching me and confiding in me their most disturbing hot takes
I don’t wear pride stuff because when I do people treat me differently and it’s heartbreaking.
I finally slapped a straight ally sticker on the back of my car. As a cis hetero male, I want LGBTQIA+ people in my community to know that they’re seen and that they’re safe and accepted where I’m at.
“I finally slapped a straight ally” – @thekerker 😂 💜
That’s what I initially read too and I was like “omg, what happened” 😆
I recently have been coming out in professional contexts in my workplace and have never been the person who wears a lot of pride merch. I’ve worn ally symbols often, but not as a central point.
I recently attended my first Pride event and I got a free wristband that I’ve been wearing every day since. I was thinking I would put it away after June, but this made me tear up. I think this should be something I sincerely incorporate into my self presentation so that others who need the safety know they can count on me for it.
I wear pride because it took me 19 years to realize I liked girls and there was nothing wrong with me. Because the only examples of queers I saw were terribly mocked.
Anyone that down votes this swallows solid Russian turds.
I wear pride so my friends understand that I will be there for them.
My wife does online exam invigilation, and has a pride flag on the wall behind her, in view of her camera. She had a learner comment that she felt better seeing it before taking her exam this morning. 😊
I’ve just remembered the post I saw on Reddit a few weeks ago, where some guy was bitching that he can’t wear his Six colours Apple t shirt, because people assume he’s wearing it for Pride.
Yes mate, wouldn’t that be fucking awful…
I have an “and so what if I am” rainbow badge which I love because it signals safety to fellow queers, with the added bonus of making most people who would take issue with us, too uncomfortable to say anything lol
This may not be the right place for this discussion ( I apologize if it is!) , but as a cis hetero male , is it supporting the LGBTQIA+ and being an ally wearing LGBTQ branded clothes ? Or am I being the problem ? I want to do what I can to support and be an ally 😅. Thanks!
I don’t think anyone would take offense to that. However, some guys may think it’s an indicator that you’re gay. Which can lead to them talking more candidly to you about LGBT issues, or even hitting on you. It starts to be an issue when you present as gay and don’t correct people. See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Queerbaiting
Oh dude you are fine, no sweat at all. Regardless of orientation, you can wear whatever you want. That’s the beauty of equality, baby!
I’m a cis gay male, and I wear three pro-trans shirts on rotation. It’s items that say things like “trans rights are human rights,” so it’s suitable for an ally.
If you just straight up wear the colors, I doubt anyone would be offended but might think you are LGBT2QIA
This is so important. Knowing someone has your back is critical to young people feeling safe while practicing standing up for themselves!
Honestly never thought about it this way. I’m also just not big on announcing that in person. But yeah I never thought about the angle of signalling that I’m safe or that other queer folk aren’t alone.
I’ve had something I’ve been curious about, and I’m hoping an appropriate place to ask about.I’m a straight cis guy that grew up in a very conservative Christian house, and I’ve come a long way from who I was 10yrs ago. I’d consider myself an ally even though I don’t have any LGBTQ friends or acquaintances (not by choice, I just don’t get out much). I’d like a way to signal that I am a safe person, but am afraid of insulting people if I accidentally give the wrong vibe. I also dont want anything too overt to avoided the ire of my family. Im a big bald white guy with a beard, and I’m told I have resting angry face. I’ve noticed LGBTQ presenting folks that seem to get uncomfortable around me.
Is there a way I can signal that I’m a safe person without being too overt or sending the wrong message?
Yeah dude! It can help to watch queer things - maybe try Unhhhh, Ru Paul, or Queer Eye? Just to sort of…help you feel familiar with what you’re seeing and hearing. Being aware of queer ideas and spaces and vocab is probably the #1 thing here.
Otherwise, if something like rainbow pins and stickers are too overt, and ditto earrings or nail polish, you could consider just sort of…looking fashionable. Hair and skin, nice shoes, well fitted clothes, color and flair, all of that (at least to me) signifies “I didn’t vote for trump and I know what a French tuck is.” Obviously not a failsafe metric, but it can help.
It doesn’t take a lot to show you’re safe, most of the time. Another good option is, if the chance comes up w/o busting into other people’s spaces, put yourself out there a little or offer a complement or a supportive remark.
Okay last thing. To really be safe, and be an ally, you may need to confront members of your family who pose a threat/risk to queer people in public. Telling off your homophobic aunt is a GOOD way to show who you are.
Maybe I know too many “clean” homophobes
Maybe I’ve seen to many people with a lisp that are homophobes.
Maybe most of the time I see queer folk they aren’t all dolled up.
Maybe I work blue collar and the only personalization to my person while on the clock are my purple boot laces.But I don’t quite like the “gay people HAVE to look good” vibes I got from reading the first half.
Second half is good though. One of the people I used to work with let their kids painted their nails. So I did the same to make fun of people who complained that he did something nice for their kids.
I’m also not the biggest fan of introducing with pronouns. Time and place, I’ve done it before and certain contexts it is good to do. I don’t like getting limited by gender. I would rather people treat me for me. I’m a “man” so I must abuse my spouse and never wash my butt. Or I’m an enby so I must be a soft bottom.
Fashion is something I’ve never been good with (now thanks to google I know what a french tuck is), but I’ve tried to get out of my comfort zone wearing more form fitting clothes. As for making compliments, I never really know what to say to sound genuine. I make an effort to use pronouns that match how I think an individual is presenting, and using they/them when I’m not sure, but I’m nervous about invading other’s space, or accidentally drawing too much attention. My daughters are getting old enough to want their nails painted, so maybe I can let them practice on me and just leave it on a finger or two when I’m out and about. I’m working on having the courage to confront my family when they’re being bigots, but it’s much easier said than done obviously. As my daughters get older, I’ll have more courage to put my foot down, since I absolutely will not having my kids pick up my family’s judgemental ways.
I think everything you’re saying makes lots of sense. The only thing I want to add is that the discomfort and confusion you’re dealing with around this isn’t because of you. You live in an intolerant, homophobic society and you’re trying to figure out how to treat people well who are marginalized and excluded by that society.
It’s genuinely difficult, because you have to choose which social norms to ignore, which to try to change, and which to follow. Doing that with grace is very hard. And putting in effort is the single most important thing.
this is incredibly important. I started having asexual pride stuff visibly with me (bumper magnet, metal ttrpg dice) because I had never saw anyone with that before. I hope it’s able to bring reassurance to someone.
In August, for the first time in my adult life, I’ll be living in a solid blue city in a reasonably blue state. I’m super excited that I can have a pride bumper sticker finally. I’ve always wanted one, but I’ve never lived anywhere it was even reasonably safe to have one. I’m not a coward; I just can’t afford to replace slashed tires or broken-off side mirrors.
