I have been going to therapy off and on for years and whenever I bring up my desire to date and my difficulties with it I have gotten back to just work on myself and online I have seen “if you aren’t happy alone you won’t be happy in a relationship”. I have major depression and have had it for years. Am I supposed to just hope it goes away? Wait until my entire life has passed?
Have been and been going through this myself.
There’s an uncomfortable truth here, when you cannot fully love yourself, you cannot fully love others. This is simple to explain: you are probably either don’t know your strengths and weaknesses or you don’t believe in them. You may know what you value but you may not seek them. You may know what a healthy relationship is, but you haven’t been in one.
Relationships require vulnerability, boundaries, and communication.
Depression is a condition where your brain is literally communicating to you (and others) very incorrect information.
This will lead you to ignoring red flags in relationships, but also missing green flags. As you start to handle depression, you need to do you. Do a lot of things with friends, coworkers outside of work, family, etc. those are the relationships you need to build up first, and they will help guide you while you recover.
The only person that knows if you still need help with depression is you. Sure, you may not be able to get rid of it entirely, but there will be a moment in the future, when you have an expanded support system, when you feel secure in the least, that you will know when you can date someone.
I’m not there yet. But I see how to get there now. It takes time, and it might be another year or two. I’ll be a 36 y/o single dad. That’s like the most difficult playing field out there. But having been in a single terrible relationship most of my life, I’ve felt marvelous when not worried about dating.