Or in other words, do you wish you were born “fitting in” to the society we live in? Why or why not?
This might be a divisive question so please remember to be civil and respectful.
I believe we should all be proud of our trans identities and how they help make up the beautiful complex people we are, but with rising transphobia around the world, we’ve been pressured to hide this aspect of ourselves and even feel shame or internalized transphobia. It’s important to keep in mind that transphobia and bigotry are learned traits. Not something people are born with. Our society as well as influential people in our lives shape these viewpoints out of fear and lack of understanding.
I think this is why so many of us that fall under a binary trans umbrella (including myself) are overly concerned with passing in public. Or “presenting as cis” vs being comfortable with where we are in our process.
Does being concerned with passing mean we wish we were cis? Or is it more of a self defense we have developed to keep ourselves safe even if that means going “stealth” and hiding big aspects of our identity?
What are your thoughts? Do you wish you were cis instead of trans? Why is that?
**EDIT: When writing and thinking about this post, I did not fully consider how different perspectives may view this question. I wrote it using my own experience as a mostly binary trans woman and in turn it excludes a lot of non-binary perspectives.
I apologize for excluding any of our wonderful transiblings from discussion. I’ll keep this in mind moving forward and love each and every one of you!
All the love, -Olivia**
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My thoughts on this are complicated.
On one hand, if I were never trans I would never have understood systemic oppression as well as I do. I can understand some of the struggles that women face physically and socially even though I am not one. I’ll be able to tell future generations about existing as a trans person in this important part of queer history. I also have the experience of living as both genders physically and socially, which is an experience the vast majority of the population will never get.
On the other hand, I wouldn’t have wasted as much of my life if I had been cis. I probably would have still struggled with depression and anxiety, but wouldn’t have lost all of the opportunities that I did and isolated myself because of being trans. There’s also be less future health problems to deal with if I were cis. It’s still unknown what a lot of the long term affects of testosterone are for trans men’s bodies, but it’s possible it can increase the chances of getting reproductive cancers in addition to the increased risk of cardiovascular events and heart disease. You don’t come across many old trans men compared to trans women. There’s also all the surgeries and general stress of being trans in this day and age that can’t be good for the body. I also probably would have been screened for ADHD much, much earlier which would have made my life a lot easier than it turned out to be.
I do wish I could be cis, but it is what it is. I’ll never have a body exactly like a cis man’s and I didn’t get the adolescence I should have gotten, and I’ve come to terms with the fact. Gotta come to terms with what you’ve got and see the benefits.
So for me, it seems to depend a bit on my mood. I don’t know if I’ve ever wanted to be cis as a boy. Just wanted to know why I was different from other boys but I always admired that about myself.
I feel like being a cis woman would be great on days when dysphoria is hitting hard but generally I am happy to finally know what made me “different” all my life. I like that I’m trans because it’s been a big part of my identity even before my egg cracked.
The path my life is on is hard and can feel impossible, but also I love that I better understand my self and don’t limit myself to a binary understanding of gender.
There are times when I’m like, “ugh, why couldn’t I have just been born as a cis woman.” But overall I like where I am in my life and I feel like being trans has given me a lot of character and I don’t want to change that. I love being trans even if it’s hard sometimes.
My thoughts on the matter go something along the lines of
“I just want to be a happy, socially active person, and this is part of the reason why I’ve never been able to be that”
“That’s not fair, really I just don’t want to hurt and it’s not as if it’s directly caused me harm”
“Hmmm, really I’d just rather not have existed in the first place in general than be cis or not”
If I could keep the identity but lose the pain, I’d do that, but asking if I’d rather be cis (after I’ve started feeling good in my trans identity) is the same as asking if I’d rather be a different person. I can’t even imagine being a different person because I’m currently me, so that’s an unanswerable question.
If you asked me before I really internalized the identity though, I would have viewed being trans more as a thing that happened to me rather than who I am and so I would have answered yes
No. If I were cis I wouldn’t be the me I am today, and im… kinda sorta getting to the point that im okay with who I’ve become and who I’m becoming. I’m more accepting and understanding than I used to be, and I’d like to think I’ve been a safe person for some people to talk with.
It’s not always going to be a happy road, but that’s life.
Edit: honestly, I surprised myself a little by how immediate my reaction was to this lol
I don’t wanna be cis anymore, I actually like who I am now
I don’t wish that I were cis, but I do wish that I went through the right puberty. I don’t think that my childhood would change at all really had I been cis. I had best friends of all genders and played with whatever toys I wanted, whether it was Barbie or Lego. Where things really started sucking and I feel like I lost out a ton of life experience in general was going through my absolutely agonizing puberty. I became very isolated and depressed and have been coping ever since.
A huge part of my desire to pass is for safety. At the present moment, if I lived in a society that was completely accepting of trans people I’d say it wouldn’t matter nearly as much to me.
I don’t think it would change my day-to-day life now as a transitioned, largely stealth, reasonably happy person. However, I’d still say yes for 2 reasons:
- First puberty was jarring and made irreversible changes to my body that I don’t like. The experience was traumatic and it’s something I really wish I could live without
- My gonads making testosterone would be much more convenient than relying on my memory/discipline lol
I may have said no if I got puberty blockers in my early teens, but I was nowhere near that privileged.
For me it really doesn’t matter, bc most of the challenges I face (and to a certain extent all trans people) are bc of society treating trans people like shit
If society treated trans people with respect and care then well I would just have an annoying medical condition which is fine by me
Tho I absolutely see and understand why someone would wish they were just born cis, tho I imagine society not being trash to them would also go a long way in lessening that desire.
Also to give my answer to your questions, I don’t think being concerned about passing has much to do with wishing to be cis but more to do with wanting to be treated with respect and kindness. From what I have seen people talk about the major things for wanting to be cis is having a strong desire to have the same anatomy as a cis person and not having to deal with immense dysphoria (obviously society being shit is also a big thing but if that were not the case then the previous reasons would be the main reason for wishing to be cis)
I’m in the minority who would push the button
I’ve never heard this question, so I’ll give my answer. I’m non-binary, that being said I don’t know that being cis is an option for someone like me. I personally don’t know that i like the question because it implies trans folk are binary (based on biological sex[yes i understand it’s more nuanced than that but that’s another topic]). I’m very happy with myself and being non-binary, if it were possible for me to be cis, then yes i wish i was.
Ya know, I hadn’t considered it could be interpreted as exclusionary to non-binary people. I am truly sorry that I didn’t more thoroughly consider how this might be viewed from different perspectives.
I’ll try and clarify it to be less binary. Personally, I was thinking of it more in the terms of “Do you ever feel like you wish you were born for the society we live in”
So basically, how do you feel about your trans identity.
I hope that helps ❤️ much love
-Olivia
Thank you, i understand the sentiment, but phrasing is a fickle thing. To be truly accepted by society as a whole would be bliss. i am who i am nobody can take that from me.
I would like to not have to diolate and take hormones. I know periods are rough and I had ulcers and cramps as a kid till I got away from my mom but i don’t need to be cis, just if technology was to the point for ovary implants and stuff.
I am so proud if who I am, I love myself, I’m proud to be trans.
I absolutely wish I was cis. I wouldn’t have to have costly treatment to present the way I want to present. I would have gone through the right puberty, I wouldn’t have spent decades of my life with rampant dysphoria and confusion
I’m neither here nor there. Either way I would be a person.
I just wish I didn’t have to go through all the trauma. Living life on hard mode sucks.
