I’ve been admittedly struggling with my identity as a whole, especially as I approach my 1 year mark on Estrogen. So far it’s the right call for me, but I’ve discovered that I’m becoming more comfortable with my masculine traits and even find myself binding my breasts that I’ve waited so many years to have, while the next day I’ll do the complete opposite and present femininely.
I feel like I have no consistent sense of self and often have a hard time even knowing what’s going on in my head haha
Constantly trying to figure out if I’m a boy, girl, both, or neither, because I admittedly struggle with my body in various fronts. One day I’m too feminine, the next I look too much like a man, or I’m not androgynous enough.
Frankly, it’s exhausting. I used to think I was just a woman but it doesn’t seem to fit as I continue hrt.
It feels odd to express all of this but, I’ve not really talked to many trans people as I’m chronically shy. Is there anyone who can relate to what I’m going through?
I’m not the best at answering these kinds of questions but I’ll try to give my perspective
I sometimes feel pressured into choosing who I am and using labels, when inherently I know labels will never perfectly describe the complexities of being human. But because everything in the Western world seems to demand conformity into such restrictive labels, I honestly just am left feeling like I’m not truly being myself.
(An example is on paperwork for many things still demanding binary gender markers when my ID labels me as non-binary)
Maybe I am gender fluid, but I think I’m scared to admit to it because it’s such a change from my previous Perception of self before hormones?
Summed up, I feel there’s pressure to pick a box and stay in a box, but I really don’t feel like any box really fits me