Once every week and a half or so, my entire sense of self and social confidence and whatever else just collapses altogether and I end up like this: either upset and crying over how bad I am at talking or angry and fucking grouchy about how bad I am at talking.
Yes “talking” literally is just posting online. I’m not gonna go try to ambush people irl with my weird shit, where would I even go? That stupid new canadian communist party? Local book club? Big brain ideas. Posting online is literally the only social interaction I getoutside of my wife, and I have to otherwise I will recede completely and probably become a full-tilt neet ot whatever.
Most days of a given week, I post and talk to people either by genuinely being happy and talking to people cause it’s nice, mischevious shitposting instinct or rarely (read: not on hexbear) using spite as my motivator to post weird(I also naturally post weird without spite frequently).
I have really completely done the fake-it-till-I-make-it shit, and I’m actually pretty good at counjuring/manifesting/summoning via blood sacrifice confidence and self-assuredness, the ability to not worry so much what people think. I guess probably due to my social battery dying routinely though, there are days like today where the air just gets let out and I feel like dogshit and sad and hate everything and everybody. It’s unpleasant honestly. I want not to be like this, it would be cooler to be emotionally stable. Pls tell me to touch grass?
I miss exercise, I have a bike and I used to really like long jogs and shit, but I’m so far past being able to exercise now. Half hour walks can brutalise me if I’m not careful. Also I got no yard =)
I am decent at doing projects to recenter, for me I usually record tapes or do something computer related, hardware or software or w/e. I also like doing maintenance around the house, installing curtain rods or replacing window screens, washing clothes by hand. Projects are good!
Yeah, anything to make the space you live in a touch nicer is always great!
Even if exercise is a bit much for you, just getting some fresh air and sun can really work wonders - just something like reading a book for a bit at the park or whatever can help.
Read, outside
the theoretical possibility of someone asking what I’m reading is both terrifying and fascinating. Maybe if I ever detach at the hip from wifey…
Fwiw I do still try to keep “active”, like we made walking to the grocery store more scenic and it’s almost 30mins now. I could maybe serve to just go for walks more?