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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/piercingeye on 2024-06-26 04:50:24+00:00.

NOTE: I am NOT OOP. That would be u/Fogged_Mirror_1192, who originally posted this to r/AITAH. Credit goes to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BORU.

Spoilers: invasion of privacy, allegations of domestic violence, violation of restraining order

AITAH for screaming at my GF after she picked the bathroom lock while I was in the shower? (June 10, 2024)

Throwaway because I have to admit something really embarrassing. I (24m) just had a bad fight with my gf, Ana (24f). We met early in college, started dating 2 years ago and then moved in together 3 months ago. I always thought we were great together. She’s smart and funny, we’ve had the best talks and have similar views on science and politics. But we moved in together and she got upset because I take long showers. I don’t like to talk about it but I’m a hairy guy. Think Luther from Umbrella Academy. I quit sports when I was 13 because I couldn’t deal with what the other guys would say about how much body hair I already had by then. So I shave my whole body and yes it takes a while. Ana and I have never talked about my shaving but she has to know I shave from feeling the stubble.

So Ana started questioning why I spend so long in the shower. I should have just told her but I was too embarrassed to say it takes a while to shave so I said I just like thinking in the shower. Then yesterday while I was in the shower she used a screwdriver to pop the bathroom lock and caught me shaving. She put her hands on her hips and told me I was wasting water and I yelled at her to get out. She didn’t leave and lectured me more on wasting water then I shouted again a LOT louder for her to get the fuck out. It freaked her out and she slammed the door behind her.

I was mad and took a few minutes too cool down and think about what I was going to say to her, but when I got out she had locked herself in the bedroom. I could tell she had her back against the door and was crying. She said I scared her and that she I showed her that I wasn’t the kind of man she thought I was. I told her she had scared me, and that it didn’t even make sense why she did it because we don’t even pay the water for our apartment. She got more upset and said I didn’t even understand the problem because I showed her that I could be violent and abusive and I just needed to leave. I tried to keep calm and asked her to come out so we could actually talk about what happened, but she just kept saying I wasn’t who she thought I was and I had to leave.

We’ve argued about ideas but never had a fight before, and I swear I’ve never yelled or cursed at her before that. I hate fighting with anyone and am normally the more calm person when our friends have things going on. I feel like my whole world just suddenly fell out from under me. I don’t think this was my fault but I also think none of this would have happened if I wasn’t so self conscious about the body hair issue, or maybe if I had just been honest from the beginning and told her why I take long showers. I’m sure this relationship is over now and things are going to be messed up for a while, but I just want to know am I the asshole for causing this whole mess?

There is no consensus bot, but OOP is generally found to be NTA.

UPDATE AITAH for screaming at my GF after she picked the bathroom lock while I was in the shower? (June 18, 2024)

I am a complete idiot. I’m writing today hoping to save someone else from making the same stupid mistakes I made. I’m trying to think of where to start because after this last weekend I don’t even feel like the things that happened in my first post even matter anymore.

Basically my gf Ana popped the lock the bathroom while I was shaving in the shower to yell at me for wasting water. I shouted at her to get out which scared her bad enough that she told me to leave our apt because she was afraid I could hurt her. People here warned me to be careful with her after that but I thought I knew Ana better than anyone on Reddit and I thought for sure we would be mature and talk about everything once we were both calm. I sent her a text and said we could talk whenever she was ready about what happened or that if she just wanted me gone then we could talk about that too and come up with a plan to separate. I waited but she never texted back.

Then at work on Friday I got called to the front desk. There was a police officer waiting for me there and at first I thought something terrible might have happened. Instead I got served a restraining order. The whole time I was being served I got confused and I don’t know what I was thinking. I know I didn’t pay a lot of attention to what the cop was telling me. After he left I did the stupidest thing anyone could do after getting an OP and I texted Ana. I asked what was wrong and if this was a mistake because from my end this was just a huge misunderstanding and that if we could just talk I knew we could clear this all up. 2 hours later two police officers came all the way up to my desk and I was arrested. Like handcuffs and everything in front of everyone I work with and I was dragged out of the building and taken to jail.

I have NEVER been in trouble in my life and I never once thought I’d end up in jail just like that. I got processed like a full on criminal. I didn’t know what else to do and I called my parents when I could to let them know what happened. My hometown is like 6 hours away but they found a lawyer and then drove over as fast as they could overnight to bail me out. Right now we’re all staying in a small hotel while we figure out things with the lawyer and I can’t even process how things got here. I’m supposed to have a meeting with my boss and HR on Thursday and I have no idea if I’m going to still have a job.

All I can do right now is give others a warning to take things more serious than I did. Especially getting something like an OP. Even if you think there’s no way it could be real or valid don’t be an idiot and question it like I did. Go straight to a lawyer!

OOP added the following follow-up comment:

I’m still so confused as to how things are where they are, and there’s a lot I don’t know, but I had a meeting with my lawyer after he got the report on how I got a restraining order. After everything that happened originally two weeks ago the police were called. They spoke with Ana and some neighbors at my apartment complex, and two people told police in the report that they heard me yell “fuck you” and then they heard loud bangs. I know the fight we had didn’t happen the way those people said it did but my lawyer says it’s going to be hard to defend against multiple people who said that happened. There’s also something about photos of bruises but I have no idea when or how that happened. My lawyer thinks the biggest problem is the neighbor’s report and I think they just didn’t hear everything that happened through the walls the way it actually did so we have to try and find someone who will say that they heard me shout I actually shouted and that should help a lot.

On the bright side I had the meeting with my job and my manager really defended me. We all agreed that it was a lot of drama that never should have happened at the office, but as long as I don’t end up with a felony on my record I will get to keep my job.

So the big issue now is that Ana has a lawyer, my lawyer is talking to her lawyer, all communication has to go through them, and I’m hoping we can find a way soon to get all of this under control.

Thank you to everyone who sent their thoughts and ideas of what to do after my last post. I’m sorry I just haven’t been able to bring myself to read through them after everything that happened, but I’ll try and get caught up on them over the next few days.