For mercury brains like me, What’s the joke?

Love this movie. As a kid I didn’t understand why it was a security risk. To think people want to go back.

Firecracker looks proud. Really brightens my night.

I remember watching Clue and that’s how they got one of the characters.

Glad to see justice even if it is decades later

Then goes into another rant of all the ways she’s helped people despite her situation.

I say I sympathize with her but that unfortunately I can’t be that person for you because I have to put my family’s needs first. That I will never be the person that will let my family suffer, even for a little while for the sake of wanting to help someone else. Asked her if hiring a nanny for the week on the trip was possible to help relieve some of the stress.

That was when she got mad and said that I am just like everyone else who will never understand and hung up on me.

Later she send me text saying:

I just wanted to say that I am not mad that we are not going. It’s more so the fact that you already decided that you don’t want me there without giving me the chance to come up with a solution. It’s clear that you see my kids and I as a burden. It just hurts that all this while you claim to be my friend and want to be there for me but then ditch me after you built up my hope for a friendship. Suggesting me finding a nanny is crazy. You know that I couldn’t afford that. Those who’ve had an easy life will never understand. And It’s like they say, no one really cares. Enjoy your trip. I have a lot to think about.

I haven’t responded and I don’t plan to. I just feel as if everything I have done for her is not appreciated. I have been the listening ear for to vent to. I’ve invited her family over lots of times for dinners. My husband helped drive her and husband around a few times when they didn’t have a car. I got my friends on board with letting her not pay her share for the cottage booking and had her only chip in for food. She also knows that my life has not been the easiest.

I booked the cottage now and I’m excited for the upcoming trip with my other friends.

Relevant Comments:

Humble_Guidance_6942:

I’m so proud of you for taking a stand for yourself. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome. She had five kids with a non-helpful life partner. Most people get the memo after two. Of course she is trying to guilt you. Her family got a free vacation and she got unlimited free babysitting.

ArmadilloDays:

Sounds like you approached it as maturely as you could, and it was never going to have a happy ending because you were not going to give her what she wanted - a break from being a mom.

WhoKnows1973:

An all expenses paid break. Everything was free for her family only while everyone else chipped in extra to cover them.

Even worse, she acted entitled to the free babysitting and and was not thankful or appreciative.

Objective_Dark_4258:

She is full of shit. She goes on a rant about “what she cares about most. When you decide to have kids, you give away your freedom for your children and everything becomes about them.” And then in the next moment “deals with her kids every single minute of the day and the one week in the summer where she wants to relax a little, the world does not let her”. From the very last she is trying to guilt you and not take any responsibility. It is gross that she uses her kids to manipulate other people, “her kids will be so disappointed.”

OOP:

I don’t think she even realizes how toxic she is becoming. She goes on and on about stuff that contradict each other and I am starting to realize that now. She’s just as much exhausting as her children. My last wish for her as her former friend is that she learns to stand up to her husband. All this resentment is not good for her.

SnowWhiteCampCat:

Lmfao! Well done lady! She’s so full of shit and you didn’t stand for any of it!

All of her problems are consequences of Her choices. She chose to have 5, FIVE, kids with a guy who doesn’t help, and without the funds to hire help. She chose to foster her kids off on everyone else last year, then cries unfair when she’s called out on it.

She’d help out anyone who needed it? Sure Jan. But did she take all the kids on any hours long outings last year? Nope. You and the others did. She’s drowning and asking for a lifeline? Nope. She didn’t ask. She lied and manipulated.

She can plan her own camping trip for her kids. My mom did. Boke, single patent, 2 kids. She found a community and joined in. She needs to find a church, a neighbourhood group, hell. If one doesn’t exist- Make One. Don’t use your friends as free unconsentual childcare then cry poverty when they rightly complain.

Editor’s Note: OOP says she’s not planning on responding to the friend, effectively ending the friendship, so I am marking this as concluded.

Reminder: I am not OOP. Do NOT comment on Original Posts. No Brigading! See rule 7.

"An I wrong here? No wife and father are wrong. Better cheat on her and ruin my family’s emotional state. "

Dude wtf. Being a good parent is helping kids find what they are good at. The mom calls the kid Ramsey after the famous cook. Kid could be the next big thing but his dad is in the way.

FIL then called the boys to the room and told us to give them privacy. We were outside, I was looking at my boys through the slit of the door. Matt looks relaxed but the heads of Jamie and Paul was down. Long story short, FIL told my boy to not bother Matt anymore. He also instructed that my boys help me in the kitchen once a week to learn how to manage home. He also told Matt to not be scared and do whatever he likes. I am glad Charlie brought him to our house even if his plans backfired. I thought after FIL left there will be peace. My husband would be normal and understand but he was sulking and moping around. I asked him continuously what happened, he didn’t answer at first. But then after a lot of pushing and pestering he did. He said that the reason why he didn’t want Matt to do “feminine” things is because he (my husband) was bullied for that when he was in school. I knew he had to deal with bullies but he never told me why he bullied them. This is my first time hearing this story. He said when he was about Matt’s age he would also be in the kitchen with his mom because he liked watching her cook. And they lived in a joint family so his uncles and aunts would also live in the house (like encanto). He would often get bullied by his cousins because he spent more time in the kitchen. He also admitted that he had an interest in knitting but had to stop because he once heard his then crush say that it makes him gay. So he also got bullied for knitting.

I was angry at him but now I just pity him. I had to explain the situation to him that we do not live in the past and a lot of things have changed. And that he shouldn’t have to give up what he likes because people are stupid around him. There was a lot of conversation about past and present and also about him being comfortable with this situation as a whole. He told me that he will not pressure Matt anymore. He realized that in order for his kid not to get bullied, he became his own kid’s bully. Things are fine now. Today all of the boys (including my husband) helped me in the kitchen. For the first time I felt a little relieved by it. Also to those people who told me to leave my husband, why? He is a good guy. I know he holds some backward views but he is nice and caring. I understand he has insecurities but they are not worth having a divorce. Things are fine now and if it goes bad I know what to do.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

Electronic-Way2199

I am so happy it turned out well. Your husband calling his father was the best thing to happen. Matt gets to do what he likes, your husband opened up about his feelings and realised his mistake. Maybe your other kids also liked cooking and were scared to express that.

Also, your husband liked knitting when he was younger, maybe doing that together or gifting him some needles and wool might be nice?🤔 I don’t know, was just a thought😅

OOP

I don’t know if he likes knitting now or not but will ask him. He is still in his peak “masculine” phase. Baby steps.

~

geekynerdornerdygeek

Absolutely a case of “communication works”. I hope things improve from here for OP and family and Matt becomes a wonderful chef.

OOP

I hope so too. I would be one proud mama.

~

Feyranna

Hahaha He called a military man thinking they’d back him stopping a young man cooking? Who does he think cooks in the military? Glad you’ve got a good FIL!

OOP

FIL doesn’t share military stories that much but yeah as far as I know chores are divided in military.

NEW UPDATE Update 2 June 20, 2024

(1 year update) - AITA for letting my son help me in the kitchen?

Hello, everyone. I just saw my post in instagram and I totally forgot about this account. I thought I should just give an update. It is not a happy update because my husband and I are going through a divorce. After my last update everything was fine until my husband started acting weird and out of character. I will not go into details that much but he was having an affair with someone he met online. So, apparently, my husband has been using online forums even reddit to vent his frustration about Matt and he feels he has failed as a father and me not supporting his decision is emasculating him. That is when he found his mistress (35f) who poisoned his ears that I am not a good wife because I should “obey” my husband.

She and my husband bad mouthed me and she even had some questionable words for my son Matt as well. So, we have been fighting a lot about this. He blames me because none of this would’ve happened if I just respected his authority as the man of the house and that mistress understands him and knows when to shut up. I still cannot believe he will turn his back on us just because my son liked cooking. This is not the man I married. I sometimes feel sad because I have been struggling with depression for a long time. My sons are pretty depressed too. I took them to therapy.

Especially Matt because he believes we are divorcing because of him. He took it hard. He even told me he will stop cooking if that means his dad will stay with us. My other sons are also very sad too but so far they have been understanding. My FIL is 100% on my side. He has been helping me with a lawyer and pretty much disowned my husband for his behavior towards me and my kids. That’s been my life. I am struggling a lot with the financial situations. I did get a job but it is that high in pay. My stbx has moved in with his mistress. I just hope we will see good days soon. That’s all. Pray for us.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP’s OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

So anyways, i had previously gotten her removed from my labs, we still shared class not lab, i figured everything was fine now and she’d leave me alone, but i was wrong.

Not only was she spreading rumors that i was a abused, but she called the cops again, apparently more then once as the other two times the cops said they had a report of abuse, this time they said reports, when i asked how many reports they said that it was multiple people, so i dont know if others in class called or she had her family do so, i just dont know, they couldnt tell me who called due to privacy when it comes to reporting, to try and make sure abusers dont attack the reporters.

Apparently my university had attempted to stop them when the cops spoke to them, but the cops had to check anyways, so they came after talking to the university anyways, and again we did the same song and dance, i told them i felt like someone was using the cops to harrass me, and the cops took this, they said no one would show up again, and anyone that calls would now have their name taken down and if they call after being told not to theyd be charged with harassment.

Well, that was about a week ago, and someone continued calling, tried to claim a different name, didnt realize they record phone numbers as well, so theres your update on kay, she called again, and again, and again until it got her charged with harassment as well as misuse of police resources, not certain whats gonna happen going forward or if ill be called to testify, im not certain whats happening, but i havent seen her since i was informed that she still called, which i found out from another classmate.

I dont know how great an update this is, but ya, thats the end of this situation hopefully.

Relevant Comments:

Commenter: What’s the school doing about this? Is she getting expelled for harassing you?

OOP: Seeing as shes probably ending up with a criminal charge she will be expelled

Commenter: Wow Kay has a huge problem. She’s unstable for sure and has no business becoming a nurse. I hope the university re-evaluates her attendance at that school. Any idea why she decided to target you? Totally NTA on your part.

OOP: I have no idea why she targeted me or for what reasons, i barely talked to her before the incidents and definitely dont now

Future reference if you ever decide to be around or communicate with your sister I don’t think you should be alone with her. You should be able to have a third party that also knows about your past trauma and boundaries there to act as witness and a mediator if she pulls that kind of shit again.

OOP: know but I don’t think I will be around her anytime soon. I’m still a little shaken by the fact that she knows everything and still grabbed me by the back of my neck to prove her point.

Commenter: NTA. Your sister has chosen her friend over you, she hasn’t apologized, no one is taking accountability that should be.

You need to go very lc or nc with this sister. Your parents should be covering this and really championing you. MoH should be pariahed by the rest of your family.

OOP: I’ve decided to go NC. I want to move on from what happened and everything she’s said to me before. She’s said a lot of hurtful things in the past but the way she tried to shut me up by grabbing me by the back of my neck… I just can’t get over it. She doesn’t love/respect me enough to not use that against me

Commenter (part of a longer downvoted comment): How would the MOH know that this happened to her?

OOP: She brought her best friend home when I was still covered in bruises. Of course, I didn’t want to see anyone other than my family but I was in no condition to voice my wants. I’m sure I left my room at least 2-3 times and she saw me. Besides she brought her best friend along when it was better for me to not interact with anyone but family. I’m certain she told her everything.

Commenter: I would tell your family EXACTLY what transpired AND send your new BIL a link to these posts! You’ve overcome SO much, keep moving forward and cut the toxic out of your life! Best wishes and many, MANY Blessings for your future happiness and success!

OOP: Thank youu🙏🏻 I’m going to see my parents tomorrow along with my brother. They will probably ask me how it went and I will tell them exactly what happened.

*****New Update Post: June 20, 2024 (3 weeks from OG post)*****

Hey. This happened a few days ago but It’s been a busy week for me and I was a bit hesitant to update.

I went to see my parents with my brother. My dad texted me before to to let me know that my sister was coming too. I didn’t want to cause any problems between her and my parents by telling them about what she and her best friend did. But when she started the conversation with lies. I told them everything and made it clear that I’m not asking them to take sides and that I will still come to family gatherings but I won’t engage with her in any way.

My dad couldn’t let the fact that she grabbed me by the back of my neck slide. But my mother tried to make it seem like it was out of desperation, to make me accept her apology. What my sister said next did it for my mom. She asked them how is anyone still supposed to remember what exactly triggers me after all these years and that I already gotten over it since I didn’t react. And what if I’ve been faking it all these years. I know I shouldn’t have said this and I really regret it now but I told her I wish she go through exactly what I went through. Maybe then she could give me a better example of how I should’ve handled it all. She told me to get over it and stop begging magazines to post about what happened at the wedding and left. My dad told me later that her best friend’s younger sister read about it in ‘People’ magazine. it was posted on their Instagram. And (get over it?) she’s the only one who still brings up what happened.

My mother now understands why I decided to go no contact. My dad and brother are 100% supportive of my decision. But I can’t stop thinking about what she said. She tried to trigger a reaction out of me and now thinks I’ve been faking it because I didn’t give her one. It’s been 11 years. Years of therapy and meds, of course I’ve gotten better. Not 100% tho since I felt irritated. And if it wasn’t for already being labeled ‘crazy’ I would’ve shoved her away.

Editor’s note- TW because the following paragraph is about her assault 11 years ago.

I feel like I should’ve cut contact with her the moment she asked my parents why I didn’t stay at the party and wait for my brother to come and pick me up. The reason I left the party was because some of the guys who were invited were much older than I was and they were getting drunk and loud. Two of them followed me. First thing my sister told my parents was and still believe that I left with them because I was naive and just scared/ashamed to admit it. Even after both of them confessed everything. But I was young I guess and cutting contact with her wasn’t something I could do.

I also want to mention how supportive my partner has been through all of this. From the day I told him everything. He has been incredibly understanding. Even though I never asked him to and he never told me but I know he still goes through each movie/series before we watch it together to make sure there aren’t any scenes that could make me uncomfortable. When I put something on. he finds a way to distract me for a few minutes to check it before we watch. He has never made me feel like a screw up. He makes me feel like I still deserve to be loved.

Thank you to each of you for your kind comments and reaching out in private❤️

Edit: There’s something else that happened in the last few days but I can’t mention it. Since they found out I posted on the internet from ‘People’ magazine’s Instagram. I assume they searched for the original post here on Reddit. I don’t think I’m doing anything wrong though. I didn’t mention any personal information in my original post or updates.

Relevant Comments:

Commenter: Correct me if I am wrong but wasn’t your sisters new husband upset about the whole thing? Where does he stand? Is he also upset or is she also lying to him? Sorry if you already mentioned this and I am repeating a question. I am glad you have a strong support system. Nothing you have gone through is anything that you should be ashamed of.

OOP: No I didn’t [mention it]. Read the edit and you’ll understand why it’s better not to mention my sister’s husband in my update. Thank youu

Commenter: (downvoted) OP had reality pointed out to her, and she couldn’t handle it because she is embarassed over her own actions. I have zero sympathy for OP.

OOP: I’m not embarrassed by my own actions. The only thing I felt ashamed of for a while was dropping out of college to deal with my mental health struggles. And yes this is the only thing the MOH knows about me along with the incident, because my sister thought it was okay to bring her over when I was still bruised. The joke was about that. I assure you I have no failures other than leaving that party. I’ve already said enough for people who want to get it and I don’t need to mention in every sentence that I’m a SA survivor because this post isn’t about that.

Editor’s note: The final update was a tad confusing upon initial read, so to clarify:

OOP’s original posts were posted on People Magazine’s instagram and so people saw it, that’s why she’s not adding info about her BIL. She does not have any specific identifying information in the post. (I can confirm that the AITA post has been shared all over social media) On a completely different note- Using context clues, the party OOP mentions and the paragraph that follows are concerning what happened to her 11 years ago when she was sexually assaulted. Evidently her sister was there as well and says that some of it was OOP’s fault.

Contrary to popular belief I do have a backbone. What was I supposed to do. My dad already picked up my cousin by the time my mom told me she invited him and no matter how loud I yelled none of them were listening to me. I feel like some of y’all have never had to contemplate going NC with a parent let alone a black mother. The level of guilt and grief when we realize you have to for your sake, I wish that on no one.

Also my husband and family got along well until our wedding. Whoever was invited was because we both wanted them there. He felt like the day wasn’t about us as well. He doesn’t like my dad and I don’t like my dad. The only reason he was there was it’s his house and he’s married to my mom.

We are extremely LC with my parents. we haven’t talked since I got my non apology. That’s the level I’m comfortable keeping it at. I’m standing on my boundaries for the first time in my life.

I would like to say I posted the original on off my chest for a reason. It was bothering me and I needed to vent somewhere. I frankly don’t care what people think. To those of you who left comments about your experiences or tried to help me with understanding my parents by offering me books to read, I thank you. To those who said my husband will get sick of dealing with my parents and leave me, he’s been with me 3 years before we got married and has done nothing but reassure me. He’s been with me when I’ve cried over my relationship with my father and he’s still here as I’m coming to terms with my mother. I have a truly great man and I’m nothing but thankful for him.

Edit to add: the reason I didn’t hire a photographer was because my mom is the picture taker of the family. We had an agreement that she would take pictures for me. I wasn’t expecting it to go like that. As for new picture we did hire a photographer and will be taking pictures in early December. The small get together with friends was exactly what we wanted it to be.

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

RaiseIreSetFires:

Another good step in the right direction. Now take the next and most important:You need to seek therapy for yourself.

While a good relationship is about support and reassurance, your gf can’t be your only source for this. Your trauma, self doubt, the lingering effects, and your coping mechanisms are your responsibility. Constantly using your gf as your main source of support will wear down any relationship, no matter how wonderful, and cause resentment. It’s also a form of abuse.

You sound like a great person, who’s found a great person, don’t let your past ruin it by not doing everything you can to overcome it.

kmcaulifflower:

I’d rather my partner be concerned he was being abusive unintentionally and we figure it out than my partner be abusive unintentionally but not have the self awareness to realize. Be proud that you care about your significant other enough to look inwards with a critical eye and ensure that you are treating her how she deserves to be treated. Next time you have concerns, talk to your girlfriend and express your concerns for your own behavior and ask how she feels about and trust what she says. You two are a small amount of work away from being a perfect couple, honestly my only notes are don’t talk to reddit, talk to her and trust what she says. None of either of y’all’s comments give me the impression that you guys feel unsafe talking to each other so treasure that and talk it up. You two are incredible and I hope y’all go all the way as long as you both are happy. And stay goofy. 🩷

Legitimate-Poetry162:

Ah congratulations to self awareness, maturity, and general empathy and concern towards your loved ones! Did you know they have to teach this to college students in a class called success is college? It’s insane. I am happy to see you concern and resolve thereof. While the sneaky part of your girlfriend snooping for ur post probably wasn’t great… I’ll admit that I am also a woman that would do this. The fact that it didn’t end in an explosion or argument IS great. I hope you too stay healthy and happy for a very long time!

autadelia:

i needed to make sure everyone was being nice and not saying that he was abusing me, apologies, but i did not have the most faith in reddit lol

Legitimate-Poetry162:

Hahahaha still confused on why you looked, what exactly did he say that made u know he posted?

autadelia:

he was being weird and i think i saw a reddit notification and kinda put the pieces together or somethin like that. i do just know him really well and i just knew (he’s wrong i asked if he posted it he didn’t tell me right away)

OOP:

To be fair, and I honestly should have addressed this, her finding it was after we talked about it, and after I told her I posted it on Reddit. It wasn’t really a sneaky thing after I’d already expressed I put that out and I wasn’t offended by it at all. I get your concern though 100%

Legitimate-Poetry162:

Not really much concern here from me! I don’t see it as super unhealthy. Some of us are just naturally born detectives. Thanks for clarifying though as to how she found out ahahahaha!!!

SpikedScarf:

I’ve noticed an ongoing problematic trend in relationship subreddits, literally any post that mentions a male being abused is called out as fake, yet we have posts where a woman’s partner literally acts like a cartoon villain or worships his mother like a god and is blind to his mother’s abuse and it is the bible or some shit. I’ve also noticed that there is an extremely loud minority that will literally twist the narrative and LEAP to conclusions just to make the guy seem bad.

autadelia:

this was why i looked for his post in the first place. i was scared people would feed into him being anxious and make him think he was actually abusing me lol

Editor’s Note: Although OOP has said he will update when he and his girlfriend get married, the issue he posted about is resolved, so I am marking this concluded.

Reminder: I am not OOP. Do NOT comment on Original Posts. No Brigading! See rule 7.

Update Post: June 19, 2024 (2 days later)

A few people asked to stay updated, so here is the first one. Spoiler alert, it’s not necessarily a fun one.

Unfortunately, because of another wife sharing our flight date all over Facebook, our return has been pushed back an entire month.

I called my wife to let her know, and we are both devastated. I only had enough time for one phone call, so I asked my wife to let family and friends know, including my mother.

Yes, I know many people might not be happy about that, but again. She didn’t recieve a date, my wife’s text to her was just that I would not be returning until a month later, or more.

My mother’s reaction to that news has truly solidified what many comments were telling me. I was raised by a narcissist. Her text back to my wife was “Oh, that’s great! That is actually is much better timing for me!”

My wife’s response to my mother was: “Do not say that to (my name). He is devastated that he will be gone longer, and he has been talking about wanting to be home asap since just a few months in. I wish you wouldn’t have even said it to me, as I’m devastated by his return being delayed as well. It is extremely selfish for you to be glad he is away from home for even longer simply because it works better for you. I have never in my life heard of a mother being glad that her child will be overseas longer than what was planned.” After that, she blocked my mom. Her shiny spine is really developing!

I have not reached out to my mother, and I will not be doing so. I won’t block her, as with my sisters being minors, I would like for one of us, my wife or I, to have at least some line of communication in case of some family emergency. However, I will not be texting or calling, and any of her texts or calls will not be answered unless I consider them an emergency.

There were a few questions and deeper explanations from my original post, so I figured I would go into them deeper here.

My father passed away when I was 6. Ever since then, my mom has sort of relied on me when it came to raising my sisters. Even with them being high school aged, it continued. When I went into the military, my mom got upset, saying things at home would be just terrible with me gone, that she didn’t know how she would handle my sisters on her own, and that life would seem more pointless without her son in it every single day. When my wife and I got married and moved to my first duty station, she begged to trade my sisters off, sending one of them to stay with us every few weeks, where they would stay in our living room. She even told us we would need to purchase a hide-a-bed couch for it to work out. Obviously, that had never happened as I told her my sisters were my sisters, and her kids. It was not my responsibility to raise them.

My mom and I were very close when I was growing up. I considered her one of my best friends, and someone I could always go to. That changed when I got married. I also realized that some of the things she did were not healthy or good parenting moments.

My mom started purchasing condoms for me when I was only 12. She was very open about sex with me, and was not one to shy away from it. She was completely fine with me having sex at such a young age, which did lead me to being a bit of a man-whore. Before my wife, I constantly snuck girls in, snuck out to hang out with girls, and whatever else. My wife was the first girl that I brought to my house during the day, introduced to my family, invited her for dinner. My wife was also very strict with her views on sex when we started dating. We were friends before, so she knew I was a bit of a player. Where I viewed sex as something fun, she viewed it as something that should only be between 2 people who truly love each other. She was not down for it until a few months into us dating, and I was willing to wait for her. We still snuck around, but when she snuck me in, we quite literally played Mario cart, watched movies, and hung out all night.

When this part of me changed, it changed something about my mom for some reason. She did used to ask about girls I was sleeping with when I was in high school, but when she asked about my wife when we started dating, and I told her we weren’t doing anything like that, she got frustrated about me “lying.” She stopped buying me condoms, which I was fine with because I didn’t need them in the beginning and when I did, I was 18 and completely fine buying them myself. Before my wife and I ever did have sex, she would come in my room and scream about how she didn’t want me having sex under her roof. I thought that she just realized that encouraging a minor to have sex wasn’t ok.

My mom also liked my wife when she was just my girlfriend. This always confused me until I read people’s comments. Her going from loving her, inviting her to everything, asking where she was when she wasn’t with me, to trash talking her didn’t make sense to me until people in the comments of my last post clarified that it was the fact that she was my wife. Her being permanent is what my mother doesn’t like.

And as far as “cock blocking” my mom has happily done that since we’ve been married. She screeched and hid her face when I kissed my wife at our wedding, she begged us to sleep on a pallet in her living room on our wedding night (we didn’t), she tried calling 3 times a day when we first moved (once around the time I usually got off work, once either during or after dinner, and once at night. Sometimes while my wife were mid tango, sometimes when we were already asleep.) it was very rare that I actually answered these calls, and when she realized her calls were muted they faded away. She FaceTimed seemingly once an hour on our 1st wedding anniversary, again, I didn’t answer. Her wanting us to host her when I 1st got back was not her being clueless. She knew what she was trying to do.

Now that I have a new return date, my mother will not even know the possible weeks I might have leave. She won’t need to, I do not plan on seeing her outside of maybe going out to eat with her, my wife, and the rest of my family. My wife will be organizing it, and will be able to ask my sisters about days my mother is off work.

That’s all I have as far as an update right now. I may post more before returning just based on how things go. I can imagine I will have plenty of an update when I do actually return.

Wtf she just escalated like that?

Whose_my_daddy

I’m so sorry you have such disgusting family. Cut them off, even get restraining orders if necessary. Be sure the rest of the family knows what they did. Just curious: there’s no hint of foul play, is there?

OOP

I’ve cut ties with them all. The only decent one out of the bunch is her son/my older cousin who has been nothing but respectful and is also horrified at what she’s done. No definitely not, unfortunately my dad was ill with diabetes for a few years then got the flu while at work and it caused his heart to stop while in hospital receiving treatment. No foul play, just a horrible illness that stole him from us.

ADDITIONAL INFO ON THE AUNT

My aunt also went into my dad’s house as she was staying in there for the funeral before travelling home again. But in that short space of time, she had taken several money boxes he had used for spare change. We don’t even know how much were in them, but they were STACKED with change. She took his guitar, his amp, his kitchen knives, his iPad and one of his leather jackets that my brother wanted to keep.

We couldn’t even enter the house to look at anything never mind take things. It was only a month after the funeral that we were able to go in the house and see what had been taken without permission. She has been horrible since the start.

I’m sorry to hear about your grandfather, families can be ruthless.

&

We cancelled his bank card the day he died, however I know when we were visiting him in hospital she had his wallet and gave it to me. When he was still alive on a ventilator she told us we should take his card to use for fuel payments for going back and forth to hospital.

We obviously DID NOT do this especially since he was dying and could not consent. She gave me the wallet that day. Once I am executor, I will be seeing if she used his card in the days leading up to his passing and I will be filing a police report if there are any charges to the card in the period she had hold of it.

FINAL COMMENT FROM OOP ON THE SITUATION

They are already blocked. I don’t be speaking to them ever again.

NEW UPDATE Update 2 June 19, 2024

AITA for putting in a claim to my late father’s death benefit UPDATE

Original post

Hi everyone, I just thought I would give an update on the situation.

My aunt put in a claim to receive my father’s death benefit from his workplace in April behind our backs and stated that my father had written wishes for his money to go to her and her only. She said she had a copy of an email with his signature signing over 100% of this to her but when asked she never sent us a copy of these supposed wishes.

We later found out this was a lie, there were no wishes and the only reason she was able to put in a claim was because she was listed as next of kin at his workplace. Not as a beneficiary of any kind. This caused a huge rift within the family (you will see details from the original post, and also a second post on my profile) and ultimately ruined relationships that will never be repaired.

Even when we offered to split it three ways, she wasn’t having it and doubled down on the fact this money was hers. Then her family began attacking us over social media.

My brother and I received nasty abuse as we put in a claim, were told my dad would be disappointed in us, that he would be ashamed and that the payment was to go solely to her. My brother who is autistic was told he was disgusting for not carrying my dad’s coffin, even though this emotionally would have destroyed him beyond repair. He was told he was nothing like my dad and that my dad called him “a shit son” which is a LIE. He is an amazing young man, and my dad would have been proud of him for even being able to attend the funeral. And also for cutting his hair for the first time in 11 years to make our dad proud. I’ve reminded him of this as these nasty words have stayed with him, causing him emotional turmoil thinking that my dad hated him. He is getting better emotionally now with support from me, my mum and close family friends and realises our dad had nothing but love for him.

Well, after a couple of stressful months I’m happy to say that my brother and I received everything, and she got nothing. Not a penny. We have not split the money with her and will never speak to her again. My brother will live comfortably now, and will be taken care of which is what my dad really would have wanted.

Thank you to everyone for the support in the original post who put my mind at ease and reminding me that I was not in the wrong.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP’s OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

As for my husband he does drive. Due to the day and work obligations he can not attend the wedding. He works from 10-9:30, wedding is at 5 and is an hour away. (I’ll also add I do not think it is anyone else’s job to get me to this wedding. I was clear with my dad from the jump but he was insistent he wanted to find a way for me to get there.) I’m top of that my husband and my father despise each other. My husband has thought the wedding was a bad idea from the moment they told us about it.

That’s where this whole issue has stemmed from. He kept insisting he’d figure out. I’m finding out a week before hand he can’t. Which is fine, I just wish he had been open with me from the start. Would’ve given me time to figure it out myself instead of believing my dad when he said he had it handled. In the end my brother and I have decided it is best we just don’t attend.

OOP on if her brother is in therapy and has a safe place to live away from their father and Amy

OOP: Me too. I worry about him constantly and he knows if it ever gets to a breaking point he can come stay with husband and I. For whatever reason he is just iffy about leaving the house. He was very emotional and sentimental growing up. I got kicked out at 18 and then everything that happened with our parents has really effected him. I think he’s having trouble processing our family isn’t what it once was and it’s extremely hard on him.

He was in therapy for a while and a couple years back had to have a stay in the mental hospital. However the mental hospital I believe completely traumatized him. From what I’ve gathered from our mom he knows he needs to be in therapy but someone needs to be there pushing him to go or he won’t. My dad basically doesn’t care what he does at this point and wouldn’t stay on him about going to therapy sadly. He used to be on meds as well I believe but if he’s not in therapy I doubt he’s on his meds anymore.

He’s had it so rough that past few years. He was 11 when I got kicked out and it was DEVASTATING to him. It didn’t help my parents limited how much I could contact him.

After that things just continued to fall apart. I’m filled with constant regret for not being at home to support him better. I’m glad he at least knows that he can contact me anytime he needs to though and I’m always there to listen and be on his side.

OOP on if her husband was invited to the wedding for her father and Amy. Explains the meat between her husband and her father

OOP: He is. The wedding falls on a day he can’t miss work and him and my father hate each other. Father threatened to kill him in the past and when we had a rough patch I was going to move home for a while until my mother and father said my husband would not be allowed to see our daughter. They’ve had plenty of other issues over the past 9 years but those are the two my husband references the most when asked why he doesn’t want to be around my dad.

Update: I’ve decided not to attend my fathers wedding even though he said me and my daughters attendance is non negotiable. June 18, 2024

It’s been a few months, but even recently I’ve gotten comments for an update on the situation. There isn’t too much to update on but I figured I would for those curious.

In the end neither me or my brother ended up attending the wedding. He went to his girlfriends the day of and then stayed home alone the rest of the weekend. I had invited him to stay at my house but in the end he declined.

I sent my dad a text beforehand that I was sorry and wanted him to be happy but if I was backing anyone it would be my brother. He proceeded to send me a very long paragraph about how he couldn’t believe what was happening and he really stepped up to be my dad even though I wasn’t his kid. How he stepped up for my brother after my mom left when I know well and good he didn’t. And that Amy was the right woman for him despite everything. I was too stunned about his comments about him stepping up to be my dad that I kinda glazed over the rest and in the end never replied.

As for me and my dad we have not spoken since other then me awkwardly texting him happy birthday. I haven’t seen them or spoken to them. I haven’t spoken to any of his family since then either. I’ve seen my brother a few times but he doesn’t seem eager to talk to me or see me either and I’m unsure why.

I’ve since had my second daughter. Everything went smoothly and she is perfectly healthy. Neither my dad or his family has even texted me since, even though I know they know I had her.

At the end of the day I’m ultimately unphased. However I can’t deny it’s upsetting to lose contact with so much family over something so trivial. I won’t be reaching out first to any of them, and knowing how they are they won’t reach out to me either. So I guess that’s that.

I’m hoping can try and better connect with my brother. As he means a lot to me and I worry about him still living at home with our dad and his new wife. But when I do see him I ask him how home life is and he kinda just shrugs me off.

Thank you to everyone who gave advice on my original post and to all those who were curious about how it all ended.

Relevant Comments

OOP on if she didn’t go to the wedding to support her brother who was invited to their father’s wedding. And what about her husband?

OOP: My husband was working and has a long history of animosity between him and my dad.

Yes. My aunt wanted to give a relative a ride which was fine. Had she just told me that I’d have been like okay cool all good. Her and her husband instead played games to try and trick me into not bringing my daughter.

My dads current wife has issues with my brother. Treated him terrible. I didn’t want to support their marriage if my brother was gonna continue to be treated terrible.

I know for sure my brother didn’t go. I think the current issue with him is related to something else.

My aunt texted me two days before the wedding after her and her husband played mind games for a week. By then I had been fed excuse after excuse as well as dealing with so much bs I didn’t want to go anymore anyways.

My dad did not tell me in advance our relationship would be over. The nonnegotiable in question was told to our family, only for it to not matter in the end.

I want to know where you get the idea I’m surprised? I said that’s that. That’s the end of it. This side of the family has a long history of drama and no contact phases over many different disputes with different people. So it isn’t a surprise at all.

I simply came to give an update I was asked for by multiple people.

I couldn’t care less at this point if they talked to me or not. But it can still suck to lose a connection with family I was once very close with.

OOP on her relationship with her dad

OOP: I didn’t bring up how he wasn’t my bio dad as I’ve told him many times in the past to me he’s my dad cause my bio dad is a pos and I saw him as my dad since I was 2yrs old. Which was why it was weird. It seems like he was throwing taking care of me and my brother in our faces.

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

Eldritch-banana-3102: NTA. Enough is enough. I know we want to support our loved ones, but this sounds exhausting.

OOP: It is, I am exhausted.

OOP gets advice that she needed to get her ducks in a row to leave her husband. He’s toxic

OOP: You’re right, I keep holding out hope. I’m trying to get ready to leave but IDK if I’m ready. But I guess you’re never really “ready” IDK:(((

Corfiz74: Have you actually contacted his ex and asked her about the end of the relationship? Because controlling partners sometimes lie about having been cheated on, to have an excuse to go through their partners electronics and act absolutely insane. Also, please check his phone in return, to make sure he isn’t projecting.

OOP: His ex is his baby mama. I have met her and known her for awhile now. I probably wouldn’t believe my husband if I didn’t watch her ruin her recent engagement by cheating with multiple men.

As far as projection…A few months ago his instagram explorer page was full of busty insta models. I confronted him and he apologized and said he wouldn’t do it again. He said he was just looking at pictures and profiles. He said he didn’t interact with anyone, idk.

His explore page still has occasional lustful women. He also searched for someone who I think is a pornstar and then when I looked a few days later, his search history was cleared. So he might be. IDK

Update #2: June 18, 2024

Another Update:

I went back to the house yesterday to get my animals. He was there. He tried convincing me that 6 months from now we would both be different and could make it work. I kept telling him I am done and I’m so sorry. He didn’t want to accept it but eventually did. When he accepted it, he told me I was abandoning my family and my responsibilities. He told me I gave up on them. And he left. I got my animals and we spent our first night in the apartment.

I feel some peace and freedom. But I also feel some sadness and guilt for leaving.

I think this will be good though. Thank you Reddit fam, your encouragement helped me stay strong and tell him no when he tried to get me back.

I am trying to cope with the guilt of hurting someone I loved so much.

Comments

asianlaracroft: I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with this.

What your ex did was absolutely not ok. He cannot excuse his actions just because he was traumatized by cheating in the past. He cannot excuse flipping the narrative on you and trying to find other reasons to make you the villain.

You deserve better.

Please do not feel guilty for ensuring your own safety and wellbeing.

TheBeautyDemon: He doesn’t feel guilty about constantly accusing you of cheating so don’t feel guilty leaving him and his abusive behavior behind. He’s upset that you aren’t there to take care of him and his kid, not that he continuously hurts you with false accusations because he can’t be bothered to learn coping skills. Fuck this guy. Date yourself for awhile and find what you really like.

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

They just design it. Ever okay atomic heart? That’s all about engineer going rouge.

I’m more interested if it can have empathy and give it something like a soul. Mostly so we don’t get murdered.

I believe guardian of galaxy 3 did a take of that. Rocket was special because he innovated while the others just mimiced.

Oh no it’s gonna murder us.