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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2024-06-28 04:01:04+00:00.
I am not The OOP, OOP is u/MadamCupKake
My boyfriend took āWhat happens in Vegas, stays in Vegasā way too literally.
Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest
TRIGGER WARNING: alcoholism, infidelity, verbal abuse, gaslighting
Original PostĀ June 18, 2024
Hi all. So my boyfriend (26M) and I (23F) had recently planned a trip to Las Vegas with a few of our other couple friends. ThereĀ were supposed to be a total of 6 of us, but due to my shitty job, they denied my request off, and I unfortunately was unable to go. I wouldnāt have cared so much about just missing work anyways to be honest, but I had just recently gotten this job. Anyways, when I found out that I wasnt able to go, I was understandly upset and didnāt really want my boyfriend to go either. Call me selfish, but I didnāt want to sit at home alone while my boyfriend and our other friends were enjoying their time on a trip I was supposed to be on as well. We argued a bit for a few days about him going, and I eventually gave in and said he can just go. We had set (in my eyes; we sat down and had a conversation) very clear boundaries about what was and what was not okay to do regarding girls, strip clubs, etc.
Some of my boundaries were: In strip clubs, looking is allowed, money is okay to be thrown obviously because this is how these women make their money, no touching/grinding/dancing with other women, no talking to women in a flirting/suggestive way, no giving out your phone number to girls, and the obvious no kissing other people or having sex with them. There were some others that I donāt think are that relevant to the story. He agreed to all these and we have a pretty good trust (most of my anger was coming from that fact that I wasnāt able to go and have fun with them).
So, when they went on the trip I was just sad and feeling bad for myself the whole time, but called my boyfriend every day to see what they were doing that day and if they were having fun. I didnāt suspect anything at all, our friends acted normal as did he.
When he got back, one of our friends in our group, weāll call her Sarah, had pulled me aside to let me know that my boyfriend had in fact been grinding on women, taking them back to the airbnb and doing god knows what with them. She said she had never heard anything that indicated theyād done something sexualā¦ but Iām not stupid, and I think she was trying to make the situation seem less severe. Needless to say, I freaked out immediately and confronted my boyfriend, who adamantly denied everything as I had expected. I called the rest of our friend group behind his back to confirm, and every single one of them had said the same thing: almost every night he would get piss drunk (not the problem) and bring home a girl, sometimes 2, and bring them to his bedroom and shut the door. None of them admitted to hearing anything sexual either. Again, not sure if I believe them. I have no proof but a gut feeling in my stomach tells me something further than just hanging out or cuddling happened.
Regardless, I confronted my boyfriend, saying I was getting fed up with him lying to me. He kept denying until he eventually fessed up and admitted everything, but seemed genuinely confused as to why i was mad, stating that āwhat happens in Vegas stays in Vegasā I literally stood there with the most shocked face. I explained that we set these boundaries for a reason and that saying is JUST a saying and should not be taken literally, especially if youāre in a relationship. Am I wrong here?? Like what??
Thereās not much more to add. Weāve been going back and forth for almost 2 days over this. I know heās not stupid. He is literally studying to be a clinical psychologist. I just cannot wrap my head around the fact that he genuinely believes in that saying and thinks itās a pass for his actions. I started contemplating whether hes manipulating or gaslighting me. If he is, I think itās working. I donāt know what to believe. If he genuinely believes that that phrase holds any meaning, what should I do? Should I leave him or try to work it out? This whole situation is turning me off from him. It feels childish, like a child trying so hard to convince their parents that they didnāt know something they absolutely did know. In both scenarios, whether he genuinely believed that was a thing or that heās just using it as an excuse, Iām extremely turned off. Part of me wants to work it out with him because we have been together for 3 years. I donāt want to throw 3 years away because of something that happened on a vacationā¦ but Iām just so torn right now.
Thank you for reading and sorry for the very long post and typos if there are any, itās 3am and Iāve been keeping myself awake thinking about this.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
OOP respondingto someone mocking why she hasnt broken up with him
Hey there! Thanks for thinking you know my entire relationship from a reddit post! You sound a lot like the person youāre telling me to break up with. Especially telling me I have no self respect!
Iāve been with this man for 3 years. He helped me through a LOT of trauma, moved across the country to be with me, was the only one that stayed around during my drug addiction, laid at my bedside after my attempt, so I apologize if itās a little hard for me to leave him when heās been my main support system for 3 years.That may not seem like a long time to you, but iām 23 years old. 3 years is a lot for me.
Also, If you had read my entire post, you would see that my edits say that I am literally in the process of leaving him. I canāt just kick him out on the spot lol. I mean I can, but I donāt want to stoopĀ to his level. I want to give him a chance (just the day) to get his shit and leave before I sell it or burn it.
Youāre being an asshole lol.
EDIT 1.
EDIT: Thank you all for the comments. I am genuinely taking all the advice and suggestions. I just woke him up to what he called an āargumentā but I called it āsick of his bullshitā Itās over for us. Will update as the process goes on. Thanks all again for all the supportive and helpful commentsšš½ā¤ļø
RELEVANT COMMENTS
FantasticAnus
He cheated on you. Heās apparently dumb as a brick or attempting to gaslight you over a phrase nobody should take seriously. He broke the boundaries you carefully laid down with him.
This is over, surely? Even beyond the cheating, the guy just seems gross.
Three years probably seems like a lot, but if you stick around youāre going to remember that you had the chance to take your exit when he showed his ass at three years, and youāre going to be so annoyed that you stuck with him.
OOP
It is over. Absolutely.
It is 7am and Iāve woken him up, telling him that he needs to start getting his belongings together as I no longer feel comfortable living under the same roof as him.
We split rent, but my name is on the lease, I pay all the utilities, internet, etc., so I will have no problem being able to afford this apartment on my own, but he is already trying to start problems about moving out. Some more āI seriously didnāt knowā and āI love you, if I wanted them I would have stayed there blah blah blahā bullshit.
I already know thatās bullshit because I constantly have people clowning me for not making him pay anything, soo I know not many people would go to the lengths that I try to, to make sure heās taken care of.
Heās a full time college student at a private university (his family lives out of state so he has no family here but mine, but they have never really cared for him) , doing an internship at the moment so I sure hope he can find somewhere to live and a way to survive without living off his girlfriendš¤š½
hannahryder215
Good for you! He should have money saved up to get a place with roommates or whatnot.
Either way, itās not your concern.
He decided to CHEAT on you and then GASLIT you the entire time.
Stay strong and donāt accept his platitudes. Donāt let him stay āuntil he finds a placeā. Be firm.
OOP
Tell me why he just stormed out like a little boy after HE cussed ME out and called me a whore!! For what?? Like Iāve been sitting on my ass for a week, waiting for him to come back. I have been working, coming home, cleaning and sleeping. I donāt have time to be a whore.
Iāve genuinely never seen him act like this in the 3 years weāve been together. Itās kind of scary. Honestly, a terrible mistake for him cause I literally locked the door as soon as he left. Iām gathering all his shit right now just in a trash bag and putting it outside my door. Iām not sure if iāll have another chance to get him out. Once heās in, heās in.š
EDIT: We share a set of keys to our apartment and I have them.
~
yellowbin74
What annoys me is that ā¦
Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1dqamtx/my_boyfriend_took_what_happens_in_vegas_stays_in/
yellowbin74
What annoys me is that you asked the friend group and they all said "oh yeah girls every night " and only 1 actually said anything!!
OOP
I was kind of thinking about this as well, but I have bigger fish to fry right now than to confront them about that. I think I eventually will. The girl that told me is actually MY friend and has been my friend since we were like 13 or 14. I knew sheād always have my back. Regardless, I also did think it was shady of them and will definitely be re-evaluating my friendship with them as well
EDIT 2.
EDIT 2: I have not had sex with him or done anything remotely sexual with him since he got backš„³ (i found out that same day he got back), so I donāt believe there is a risk for any STIās but I will get tested just in case! Especially since I guess oral herpes are a possibility as well; I have kissed him.
OOP last updated June 19, 2024 (Next day)
EDIT 3.
EDIT 3: Itās 1pm, and he left the house around 8:30-9am. As soon as he left I locked the door. I was literally so happy I got an opportunity to get him out because I knew once heād get back in, knowing I was gonna break up with him, he wouldnāt let me leave or something worse. I started gathering his stuff. He has no key to the apartment since we share a set of keys, so Iām ready to hear him banging at the door later. To try to avoid this, Iāve left all his shit plus (mostly) everything he bought, outside the door of the main entrance. Our apartment buildings have an access code which we as tenants can request to change every 6 months. Iām going to talk to my landlord about that, as no one has requested to change the access codes in a couple years. He still hasnāt returned or tried to call me, but Iām not waiting around. Everything he needs is outside the doorš¤£
*EDIT 4: He came back and let me tell you it was a shit show, but better than what could have been! Sorry for taking a while to update. he showed back up at the apartment around 9:30pm , drunk, but relatively calm. Iām not sure if he was so drunk he didnāt realize that his shit was outside the MAIN building door, or if he just didnāt care, but he walked right past his shit and right to our apartment door. I didnāt realize he was there until I heard fumbling at the door and then finally realized he was back. I was sitting on the couch was was really not expecting him to come back, but when I heard that knock on that door, I knew it was him. I didnāt open the door all the way, and yelled through the door that we were over (I had texted him a heads up that I packed all his shit, but didnāt tell him where; I thought it would be obvious when he saw a pile of shit in garbage bags outside our building.
He refused to āallow me to break upā but I help my ground and told him to leave. He became increasingly agitated every time I would tell him he needs to fuck off and leave. I wanted to tell and scream at him for being a piece of shit so bad, but was trying to be the mature one. I thought ignoring him would bore him but it didnt. After like 20 minutes of him hitting the door and screaming at it, one my my neighbors had texted me and asked me if she would like me to call the police. My neighbor and I are not very close so she didnāt know anything that was really going on, but definitely heard the thuds and the profanities he was screaming at him. I thanked her for her concern and told her I would give him another 10 minutes before I called the cops. I also gave him this warning and he just cussed me out and called me a wanker lol.
I eventually ended up calling the cops and as soon as they arrived, he complied and went with them. The officer said I can go to the courthouse the next day and file for an OP, to more seal the deal of him not being able to come to the apartment anymore, but obviously couldnāt guarantee that it would stick since these were not necessarily violent pretenses. He dropped his tough guy act as soon as the actual authority figures got there. As he was being escorted away (he was not put in cuffs as he was compliant š) , he switched from screaming profanities at me to begging for my forgiveness and apologizing. what a mind fuck.
So, Iām sitting here at 12:30am, trying to calm my mind and finally get some sleep. Tomorrow, I have an appointment with my PCP to get tested, and I will stop at a hardware store to get some new locks for my apartment to be safe (I had to wait for my landlordās approval for the locks). The access code is also being changed tomorrow by my landlord.
I really am grateful to have such understanding system around me,that is helping me get through this time. Even people Iām not even friends with. It means a lot. Thanks again to all the comments under this post, I wasnāt expecting it to get this much attention haha. Although some of you are assholes, the majority has respectfully given their input and I really appreciate and listen to every comment.
Hopefully, this is my last update! At least for a while. However, I will update with the legal process or if anything else happens. Thanks all again for your love and support. The internet can be a great place sometimesā¤ļøā¤ļø
TLDR; there is none, you have no obligation to read this long ass post. If you donāt like it, feel free to move onto the next post, cause I could give a ratās ass whether this was too long to read or notšāļø*
RELEVANT COMMENTS
DruidWonder
There are hundreds of replies already so I doubt youāre going to read mine.
What I donāt understand the most about this story is why you would let him be around those kinds of temptations as long as he doesnāt do X Y and Z. Itās like you are giving him permission to be in environments where the chance of him cheating on you is more than zero. Monogamous partnerships donāt work that way. Why does he need so much sexual and sinful entertainment if he wants to be monogamous?
Your relationship has more problems than just your guy going to Las Vegas. See a counselor.
OOP
I read all the commentsā¤ļø Or at least I try to. The more advice the better. I understand what youāre saying. Truthfully, I didnāt want him to go as I stated, but was afraid of being called controlling (which I have been by many people in these comments, I care more about what my friends family think though), so I eventually just gave in and let him go. I mean, Iāve been to Vegas alone and not cheated, so I guess I naively thought he would have the same loyalty for me as I did him. Iām glad he showed his true colors before I got pregnant or signed a lease with him.
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