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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2024-06-29 04:01:02+00:00.

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I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Imaginary_Mine_1920

AITA for warning my sister’s boyfriend she wanted our parents to confront him at dinner?

Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole

Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU

Original Post  June 21, 2024

My(23f) family went out for dinner a few days ago to celebrate my sister(26f) Jenn’s birthday. When we got to the restaurant Jenn was already there alone. She said she told her boyfriend Blake the time got pushed back 30 minutes because she needed to talk to us alone. Jenn was mad at Blake for not getting her any birthday gifts and only took her out to dinner to a place they go to often. Our parents understood her being upset and she asked if they would try talking to him because she couldn’t get Blake to understand how hurtful that was. I asked her if she had given him her usual ‘present’ for his birthday or last holiday and Jenn said that wasn’t important.

For context, my sister’s idea of a gift for her partner is lingerie and sex, and only ever that. I don’t know about her past relationships but I do know in the 2 years they’ve been together, I’ve heard and seen Blake give her gift ideas for him and he winds up buying them for himself after the fact. He’s come to Christmas at our house with gifts for Jenn and Jenn always shows up empty handed for him saying she’d give him his present later.

I told Jenn it sounded like she got as good as she gives whereas our parents said I should be concerned someone would be dismissive and vindictive toward my sister. Our parents said they’d think about talking to him based on his behavior when he arrived. So I text Blake that Jenn was setting him up for a lecture.

He wound up not showing up. Last night Jenn called me angry. She saw my text to him and realized my text was the reason he canceled and accused me of not having her back and she’s told our parents I butt into their relationship but I figure she was trying to get us involved in her relationship anyway. I probably could have just stayed quiet but at the time it didn’t sit right with me what she was trying to do. AITA?

VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE

RELEVANT COMMENTS

StAlvis

NTA

Next time Blake should leave out the dinner altogether and just get her some sex, too.

Some-Negotiation2493

Right?? She is given ideas about things that her partners would like and then decides that the ultimate gift is to buy HERSELF something that she thinks is cute/sexy and then present herself to them while wearing it. If he did the same to her I have a feeling she would LOSE HER MIND. That being said, he’s missing an amazing opportunity to use, “It’s my d*** in a box”.

OOP

I mean, that’s pretty much what happened lol Blake dressed up nice to take her someplace they already go to without a special occasion and told her that particular time was special because he wore a suit for her xD I tried to warn her years ago something you do regardless isn’t really a gift.

TOP COMMENTS

CanAhJustSay

“but I figure she was trying to get us involved in her relationship anyway”

NTA. Jenn already lied to Blake about the time of the dinner, and she doesn’t consider what he might need or want for a birthday gift. They don’t really sound long-term compatible. I think you did the decent thing in giving him the heads-up, although he should still have attended. Your parents sound like they indulge Jenn, and she has therefore never learned to take the consequences of her own actions.

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extinct_diplodocus

NTA. Let’s ignore that Jenn is in the wrong and concentrate on your involvement.

Jenn invited (nay, urged) her parents to meddle in her relationship. She has no moral high ground to object to her sister also meddling. In fact, if you had meddled in her favor, she’d have been really happy about it.

You did the right thing in warning Blake about the three-person ambush.

OOP Updated next day June 22, 2024 - Same Post

Mini Update: Thank you everyone for the responses. I wouldn’t say my sister is the golden child since we were treated equally growing up, more that our parents are family first no matter what. This is not the first time shes tried getting others to fight her battles, just the furst time she’s done it in public and with our parents. I do not know if our parents know her gift giving but it’s pretty easy to figure out based on her comments being the same with every boyfriend she’s had since high school. And no, I do not have feelings for Blake, I have a boyfriend of my own I love very much.

They are broken up and as some of you guessed, Jenn is blaming me but honestly I wasn’t expecting to come through unscathed after I warned him. I got the news from our mother who called earlier to hark on me not backing my sister up against a man who disregarded her wishes on an important day and bailed. I told mom there are times you absolutely do have family’s back but when your daughter only ever forwards nature’s gift card to her partners on gift giving occasions knowing they’ve asked for something else and then involves the entire family for getting her process turned around on her isn’t it. Instead of agreeing to a public intervention, she should’ve told Jenn to leave us out if it and keep it between them. Maybe shut down Jenn’s ‘all men need is sex to be happy’ rhetoric years ago and maybe she’d have a son-in-law by now. So that’s all that. Thanks again, I think I’m going to go buy some ‘just for the hell of it’ gifts for my own boyfriend.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

OOP when asked why her sister does what she does for gift giving when her boyfriend gave her gifts

Here

My sister has had the ‘men only need sex to be happy’ mindset since high school. Year she graduated we were dating guys born in the same month, I suggested we go shopping for gifts together. Girl straight up laughed and said no and told me I don’t need to spend money on gifts cause sex is enough. Meanwhile she always asks for clothes, jewelry, trips, make-up, a freaking house as birthday/Christmas/anniversary presents.

I love my sister but she has a long history of treating her boyfriends like shit and getting others to handle disagreements for her. That’s not a sister to be proud of. I am of the mind telling your loved ones when they’re constantly being nasty and hurtful so it doesn’t bite them in the ass later in life. Definitely don’t harm others to placate your own family.

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downvoted commenter

Your sister has the right idea. If he doesn’t appreciate that type of gift then she needs to find a real man. I have made it clear that I don’t want material gifts from my wife. She buys things for the kids to give me, but her present is homemade. I can buy my own things.

OOP

My sister can and does buy her own things so by your logic she shouldn’t ask or expect gifts either. Unless you’re in a dead bedroom sex and lingerie isn’t a gift it’s just another day ending in y. Also, sex isn’t homemade. Real men aren’t full of themselves to think their way is the only way, and they certainly don’t go throwing around the phrase ‘real men’ when a guy doesn’t accept being treated like he has the depth of an amoeba.

downvoted commenter

Non-homemade sex is a very expensive present.

OOP

Sex is not homemade and for people like my sister, sex is a very expensive present if not spending money means no sex. You might be okay with a relationship mimicking prostitution, most well adjusted people are not.

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