Idk what to do. I might be trans, might just be someone who wants to look cute and I can’t tell the difference anymore. Also permanently transitioning will come at great personal cost and might be a unique safety issue. Also I never had any dysphoric thoughts before 26-27y of age. I’m 31 now I’ve lived most of my life as a straight man maybe just keep going lmao. But I do have gender envy for days. Point being why now. Also it’ll break my mother’s heart if she so much as sees me in a skirt. Dad’s too lol. Say what you will about ‘that’s on them, not your problem, transphobes bad’ I can’t help but love and care about them, they’ve really tried as parents. they’re just heavily indoctrinated old ppl with calcified brains.

  • Alizarin [she/her, des/pair]@hexbear.netOP
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    4 months ago

    I’d argue that they do actually care which is why they will never accept it because of their beliefs(I’ll burn in hell for eternity etc). If they didn’t care they’d be like eh nothing to do with me. I have moved out, could never even consider this otherwise, quite literally when I lived there I didn’t have the space in my head to think about identity or introspect or care about how I looked at all lol. But safety does remain an issue because… Idk how far people might go to try and save me lol.

    • ashinadash [she/her]@hexbear.net
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      4 months ago

      Oh… religious badeline-disgust What I mean is that if they really give a shit about you and aren’t utter fucking losers, they would probably reconsider. I find sometimes a good “ok you’ll not be in my life anymore, come back if you quit being a transphobe” works wonders on the extreme end.

      If you have your own space though Idk what the barrier is. “how far people might go to try and save me”?

      • Alizarin [she/her, des/pair]@hexbear.netOP
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        4 months ago

        Unfortunately they care but are losers lol. And I have reason to believe that they’ll uh… pursue their self appointed quest. It’s a coin flip since I’ve known them to do more for less but at the same time getting old so who even knows. And beyond that there’s just the regular hate crimes and stuff to be wary of.

        Edit: maybe relevant but I’m not in the states/West so legal advice might not be applicable

        • ashinadash [she/her]@hexbear.net
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          4 months ago

          They’re not like, allowed to do that, though? You are an adult, surely. You are your own person and not beholden to your parents.

          Also if this is their behaviour they do not care about you, they care about a ridiculous construction of you that cannot be infringed upon in their minds.

          • Alizarin [she/her, des/pair]@hexbear.netOP
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            4 months ago

            I mean yes they aren’t allowed legally etc but most people don’t care about parental overreach where I am. And most landlords will just evict a tenant if they know there’s a possibility of people showing up making a ruckus etc, more trouble than worth etc.

            Again not an absolute certainty because they’re getting old but a possibility I need to consider… All this for something I’m not even sure about and was not even a thought for most of my life.

            • magi [null/void]@hexbear.net
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              4 months ago

              I transitioned mid 30s and it took for me to be at my lowest point before I did. You should consider your own happiness in the longterm.

                • magi [null/void]@hexbear.net
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                  4 months ago

                  I did and it was the best thing I ever did. It’s a hard and a scary thing but in the end of the day it’s your life and happiness, that’s what matters. Families are difficult, nobody wants you to have regrets either. As in I have for waiting so long… I just hope you continue expressing yourself and hide it if you have to… to be safe.

            • ashinadash [she/her]@hexbear.net
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              4 months ago

              Wow that is incredibly fucked up. Mao proves to have been right in the strangest of situations. mao-shining

              I dunno, I can’t force you to wear the skirt, especially against your own safety/at risk of eviction. Unless you want me to ig? edgeworth-shrug I was in a lot more privileged a position, (even though I got kicked out lol) but personally I made transition, and making my body comfortable and enjoyable for me, my top priority. I thought, fuck anyone else having a say in what I do with my body and self.

              • Alizarin [she/her, des/pair]@hexbear.netOP
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                4 months ago

                I’m already wearing the skirts fully dolling up etc sometimes when I go out, I just meant for starting hrt or something that makes presenting as masc difficult etc for when I see them.