It feels like such a weight off of my back to have a real, solid report, from a medical professional, telling me that I have ADHD. I had a standard neurodivergent burnout experience, where I was good in primary school but in secondary school as a teenager, found that I was not achieving my potential. I always felt like I should have been doing better than I was. But it was so hard for me to bring my attention to things I didn’t care about. Grades and attendance started slipping and I made sloppy mistakes.
Things only got worse once I moved out for college. Now I had no one to remind to empty bins and clean my room, to provide a consistent schedule like my parents had. I was procrastinating on assignments, even ones I wanted to do, until the last possible second - I remember turning in an assignment literally less than 10 seconds before the deadline. Sitting down and writing an essay was a Herculean task in my head, and instead of addressing it, I would avoid it. I would lie on my bed or go to the gym or talk with my friends, because it physically felt like I couldn’t start a new task. And the more important they were, the less I wanted to do them. I told myself that I was just bad at being an adult, I lacked discipline and was facing the consequences of my laziness. But I was never able to change anything about it.
Now I know, for sure, why I’m like this, and how to change. I also know that I’m just lazy, my brain just kinda sucks and is not built for the kind of work that I have to do. I know that I can get treatment and that there are other people like me. Its such a relief.
Literal same experience as me, except I was diagnosed even later.
I am so happy for you, the relief is immense. I hope therapy/meds/or whatever you try going forward works out for you
I’ve been meaning to talk to my psych doctor about somehow getting an adhd test but I’m not sure how on medicaid and it’s a non-profit place.
I had a similar experience except it all went south when I started uni. For the first time ever, I was in charge of my own schedule and I had no idea how to motivate myself to do, well, anything. I also told myself I was just bad at being an adult and lacked discipline and wasn’t able to change anything about it either, even with 3 calendars/planners. Finally got diagnosed with ADHD this year and it’s nice to know it’s not just me being a lazy piece of shit (although I do have my lazy moments), it’s my brain that’s just different.
Hope your treatment goes well for you
Congratulations!
It is genuinely amazing how entirely different people in different places of the world can have the exact same experience. I could have written that post almost word for word. Got my diagnosis last year (in my 30s) and it is exactly what you wrote: relief above all else. It ties my life story together. An invisible line steering towards chaos, that I have followed all my life.
Get some meds asap. They can be truly life-changing for us.