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If you are thinking about harming yourself — get immediate crisis support. Connect to a crisis counselor 24/7, 365 days a year, from anywhere in the U.S via text, chat, or phone. The Trevor Project is 100% confidential and 100% free.
It’s been ok, I’ve been studying math since I need to catch up for when school starts again, it’s going to be hard but math is the only subject where I have a difficult time.
You got this! Math in particular feels like beating your head against a wall for ages until one day you suddenly get it (I studied it at uni, and everybody struggles).
I felt the same way until I read Paul Lockhart, starting with his essay: A Mathematician’s Lament.
Lockheart’s Measurement and Arithmetic were both joys to read.
I also really enjoyed reading Morris Kline’s Mathematics for the Nonmathematician, which brought in relevant historical and humanistic context to the discoveries and major developments of mathematics, which then made me feel much more motivated to learn about the math (whereas in a classroom I would be given a formula or concept and then I had to memorize it for an exam with no sense of why the math was beautiful, important, relevant, etc.).
It’s hard to repair the relationship to math, but I promise you it is possible.