To be clear, I donāt really think my mom is, but this was revealed to me by my sister yesterday.
So, I was having an argument with my sister, there is a family situation and my sister said I was repeating out momās version. During the argument, she said that our mom was diagnosed schizophrenic as a child, and that she was even locked up (?).
For context. Iām 25. My sister is in her 40s.
Our mom had my sister when she was 17. Our mom is the middle child of a total of 5 sisters. She was born in 1964. She had my sister to a man that I know absolutely nothing about, since she never talked about it. According to my sister, she also never knew who her father was till she was a teenager, when our mom finally agreed to let her meet him once.
When our mom was 20 she meet my dad, who was in his 40s. After that, my sister was raised by our grandparents and my mom pretty much forgot about her. I was born in 1998. All my life I was told that they were married but insisted on not having children until my dadās son died in 1996. But turns out that in reality, they got married a few months after I was born. I know this only because I saw they marriage certificate during the divorce lawsuit.
My sister and I never lived together, since when I was learning to walk, she was starting university in the capital of our country, years later we used to visit her once or twice a year until my sister moved to the US with my nephew and niece.
When I was 8 to 10, my parents had a terrible separation. My dad cheated on my mom and she went crazy and my dad went extremely abusive and violent. I witnessed some of that with my own eyes.
Then, they hated each other so much that couldnāt even agree on divorce terms. It took them 15 YEARS to officially divorce (thatās when I saw the marriage certificate, because the lawsuit was delivered to be, because they couldnāt contact my mom).
Now, to get on topic. My mom is very obviously a narcisistic, since she has the entire criteria. She also made my life hell multiple times.
One of the things she does is having her own version of what is happening, and run with that version, no matter how different it is from reality. Like the many times I rebeled in my early 20s, was because I was doing drugs, got into a cult, got brainwashed, and was having gay sex, according to her. No, I was just having my university partying phase. The only thing she was right about it was me having gay sex, but not the way she was thinking and not with the people she was thinking, I was still closeted. And her concern wasnāt me having gay sex, was more like āhanging out with those f***ts who are maybe fucking your assā. She always makes wild assumptions about people, mostly when she donāt like them.
During university I was severely depressed and thinking about dropping out, but I found an online university that had my career and I could continue there. I told my mom about it and she went BALLISTIC, assaulting me physically even, and I hit her back, then she restrained me, because she didnāt want me to study in an university for ābums and lowlivesā according to her. This fight was so bad that I was thinking about killing myself that week, but I didnāt. However, years after I dropped out, she asked āWhy didnāt you find a way to study onlineā then I remind her of this incident, but she says āthat never happened, what are you talking about?ā.
She also wanted me to graduate from law school to ābecome her lawyer in her divorceā agaisnāt my dad.
She also used to trashtalk my dad A LOT when I was a kid, almost daily. I was constantly told that if I didnāt succeed, I would be a bum like my dad (my dad is a successful lawyer).
She has a hard time maintaining friendships, because everybody is āstupid, inefficient, irresponsibleā according to her so she gets tired of everyone. I am also irresponsible and inefficient according to her. Iām also super smart or slow according to who she is talking to, if is literally everyone else, Iām super smart and a gifted kid, if she is mad at me, Iām stupid and slow.
I got an autistic diagnostic as an adult, when I asked people on my family, they told me that they knew and told my mom to try get me in a special environment, but she refused to do that and told everyone to not dare talk about my autism.
When I told her about my diagnostic, she said ābut you knew your whole life you were aspergerā and I was like āNO I DIDNāT, KNOWING SOONER WOULD HAVE HELPED A LOTā She still insists that I knew my whole life.
I suffered many other forms of abuse and Iām still receiving them because I still live with her. But this has been too long already.
I donāt think she might be schizophrenic. The ironic thing is that when I had what I now know are āautistic meltdownā she said I was having a schizophrenic psychosis and I should see a therapist (funny because she is very much anti therapy). I have a paternal uncle who IS schizophrenic and has dealt with it his entire life. He is a very hard case.
But yeah, the important thing here is that I donāt think she ever had hallucinations, not that I know off, like seeing things, or hearing voices that arenāt the usual āwere you calling me name?ā when I wasnāt. Maybe you can give me a but more of perspective. IDK if what my sister said is true, but I hope I can get some perspective. if it is, she might have been diagnosed in the 70s or 80s and mental health wasnāt good at all at the time (my country was still doing electroshock until a few years ago).
Sorry for the long text.
TLDR: My sister said my mom is a diagnosed schizophrenic, but I donāt think my mom has the signs of being one, tho Iām telling some of my history of abuse from her to know if there is something to analyze from there.
I have schizophrenia. I will say that this illness is different for everyone, and I canāt really diagnose her for many reasons, but it doesnāt totally add up to me.
Usually, a delusion that involves a lot of people is persecutory in nature. For example, I might think that my friends are secretly conspiring to ruin my life, but unfortunately for them, I can see through their lies. I can see the patterns that they deny exist, and itās so obvious to me that theyāre going to do such-and-such that Iām more certain of it than I am of my own humanity. Usually it involves a government, either foreign or domestic, or a religious body, or some other organization. (This isnāt one of my symptoms, personally, but Iāve seen it enough in other people with sz that itās an unfortunately common theme.)
I might also start saying and believing things that are absurd or shocking to other people. I may believe that supernatural or otherworldly beings are communicating with me in some way, or harming me/people around me. If I tell other people that my anime girlfriend shares my body with me and Iām going to be in bliss with her for eternity after I die (something I actually did believe once upon a time), then they would have very serious reasons to doubt my mental health.
I may also have hallucinations - perceiving things that arenāt actually there. For example, I might see an insect sitting on my desk, or the shadow of someone standing behind me. Most stereotypical is the voice of someone who isnāt actually there, which is where I got the anime girlfriend sharing my body thing from.
Besides all this are the ānegativeā symptoms. I have trouble keeping up hygiene and eating right, I have low energy all the time (and my meds sure donāt help there), I experience an inability to feel pleasure from almost any situation, to name a few things. āNegativeā symptoms means that the disorder removes things from my life, as opposed to the āpositiveā symptoms that add things like hallucinations or delusions.
Does any of this sound like your mother?
She usually does get conspiratorial. But Iāve experienced it weaponized against me. She thinks I dont have free will or free thinking. If I agree with her in something or do something she approves, its ok, but if I disagree or do anything she doesnāt approve of, then is because I must be being manipulated by someone else.
This was such a problem when I became a teenager and I started to defend myself because she said that āsomeoneā must have been manipulating me to go against her.
She also use to think about the worst case escenario as the first option, like getting robed, mugged, killed, and is very distrustful. She also constantly think that people are conspiring to sabbotage her, including me.
One time as a teenager I left my phone at home and my dad called me, thats how she discovered I was in contact with him. And she berated me and called me a traitor and said I wanted to ruin her by conspiring with him. Inward just trying to her some connection to my dad but she was having non of it.
And also, if I was performing bad at university, must have been because I was doing drugs, because according to her ādepression is for 12yosā.
Also she has became more religious in recent years, specially after my grandma died. She was never atheist or agnostic, but certainly not religious. Now she prays before leaving the house. And says that things goes well because the āAnimasā are protecting us (I have no fucking idea of what Animas are, but some Catholics here believe in that, I think is like souls of our ancestors or something).
There may be something to your sisterās claims, then. This screams of paranoia. Iām not sure thereās much you can do for your mom where you are now, but know that this isnāt something you deserve. Iām sorry this had all happened to you.
Also, Iām Catholic, and the only āanimaā Iām familiar with or can find online is the Anima Christi prayer, which is a pretty standard prayer. Iām not sure what theyāre talking about.
I hope you can find some peace. Whatever the case, this abuse wasnāt your fault.