I was thrown into group home hell as an early teen. It was SDA, only guys, no music, Internet, TV, strict poorly cooked diet, intense manual labor and no phones. Calls from my parents for 15 min once a week if I “behaved”. Intense religious programming and your leaving was determined arbitrarily based on “points”.

Spent roughly 3-4 years of my early teen experience there before I decided I was no longer interested in participating and decided instead on choosing to be a problem. Parents pulled me out and sent me off to boarding school when they got worried things weren’t working in their favor.

I’ve recovered slowly since. It’s been about half my life ago now and I still have night terrors and rages that make it not possible for my s/o and I to sleep together. I punch, kick and scream in my sleep.

I didn’t have a chance to even consider my gender until my mid 20’s and my parents have abandoned my sister and I over us refusing to conform to their views for their love. I will forever blame that awful place for robbing my childhood. For raping my friends. For beating kids. For forcing religious practice.

I grew stronger in many ways because of the hell, but despite its efforts.