I was 8 years old when my uncle raped me. Forced me to sit down, told me not to tell anyone, because they wouldn’t believe me, and why would I want to put the family through that? He is my fathers identical twin, he said I would ruin my fathers relationship with him if I said anything.

I believed him. Didn’t think anyone would believe me, and I didn’t want to tattle, so I decided the best way to do it would be to act as sad as I felt, wait for my parents or teachers to ask what was wrong, and then I would tell.

I acted out for weeks, nobody noticed, nobody asked.

So, I decided that maybe they already knew, maybe they already beat him up, maybe I should just forget it ever happened and move on, try to enjoy my childhood. I forgot. I told myself to, remember telling myself to, even.

Decades later, $200k in student loan debt, struggling with addiction, suicidal thoughts, very uncomfortable and obtrusive sexual thoughts, I almost killed myself so. many. times.

Now I’m sober, in therapy, good job, stable-ish home environment living by myself, the memory came back.

Decided that I would confront him, decided that I would tell my parents first to get their support. They didn’t believe me. I drove across the country seeking to confront the bastard in person, my parents got wind of it and warned him to stay away, protecting him.

It’s been too long to seek actual charges in a criminal court, I was in the bottom of a bottle for almost a decade after the nightmares started.

There’s no hope for closure. No hope for an apology, an admittance, compensation, nothing. I get nothing. He ruined my life, and I get nothing.

I wake up thinking about killing myself most days.

Police brutality and false charges by Pinellas County Sheriff’s department at 16yrld.

Or

The murder of my best friend 20 yrs later by the Pinellas County Sheriff’s department by withholding medical treatment, and then not contacting ANYONE until he had been in an unresponsive coma for FOUR FUCKING DAYS. He died of infection to his brain never waking up since falling into the coma in his cell, a booking/holding cell at that.

Yeah.

[edit] No one taken to task, no inquiry, no reprimands, no charges, no justice what-so-ever.

a doma enabled deportation of my life partner 12 years ago.

it was a life altering event that turned me from a liberal into a leftist.

Cancer. The trauma and pain I went through changed me and how I see the world. For a long time afterwards, I was stuck in a deep depression. I’ve been working through it all, but I feel like I lost 6 years of my life.

I realize now how fleeting our lives are and stopped thinking about things I wanted to do or pursue, and started executing on them. I got back into longboarding, learned 3D printing, metal working, etc. This life is all we get and nothing is guaranteed. I don’t want to be on my deathbed again thinking about all the things I wish I did.

Start of the war between Russia and Ukraine.

Now I have to worry every day that people I know (who have not managed to escape Ukraine) will either get killed by a Russian rocket or will get kidnapped from the streets by Ukrainian “recruitment officers”.

My friends suicide. His life has shaped my life in many ways. His death even more so. 10 years this month.

My last (and final) relationship.

I was deeply in love, but the other person broke up with me for valid reasons, and then pretended to take me back so they could mentally fuck with me, and it worked.

I’m now a depressive and a semi-hermit. Luckily for me I always liked being alone, or I’d be miserable, but the experience completely changed my personality and I don’t get close to people anymore.

kicking heroin

Birth. My life was exceedingly different before coming out of the womb, no doubt.

When my brother killed himself back when I was a child. I don’t really want to talk about this too much but it impacted me severely, it gave me nightmares (which I still sometimes get to this day) and made me want to stop existing for a long time.

I’ve had therapy and have largely been able to recover though so I’m doing okay now, for a while I wasn’t though.

Birth of my first child. It wasn’t just life-changing because “now I’m a father” and such but he had heart disease and the first few months were really rough. It doubly reinforced that my time of being a big kid is over and I have to be an actual adult because lives can easily be ruined or lost by passing the buck and letting other people make my decisions for me.

Maybe, actually, my first punk rock show at 14. I still had trouble but pretty sure getting into that scene diverted me from severe alienation in school, and having older people as friends cushioned the blow when my dad died. I think without that I wouldn’t have lived this long.

But as an adult? Having kids for sure. Because I needed more money, went back to school, got a real job, and because my first pregnancy did so much more to heal my lingering anorexia than anything else - feeling like my body was real, and useful, and beautiful, I dunno how to explain it (and I’m sure this could go in the opposite direction for some) but for me it was quite healing. That set me on a different path and again, without them I probably wouldn’t have lived this long.

The last pivot point in my life was my breakup with my ex, that was a fast track to prosperity in a two income household with a guy who loves me for me. I wholeheartedly hope this trajectory holds.

So three inflection points I see.

I was thrown into group home hell as an early teen. It was SDA, only guys, no music, Internet, TV, strict poorly cooked diet, intense manual labor and no phones. Calls from my parents for 15 min once a week if I “behaved”. Intense religious programming and your leaving was determined arbitrarily based on “points”.

Spent roughly 3-4 years of my early teen experience there before I decided I was no longer interested in participating and decided instead on choosing to be a problem. Parents pulled me out and sent me off to boarding school when they got worried things weren’t working in their favor.

I’ve recovered slowly since. It’s been about half my life ago now and I still have night terrors and rages that make it not possible for my s/o and I to sleep together. I punch, kick and scream in my sleep.

I didn’t have a chance to even consider my gender until my mid 20’s and my parents have abandoned my sister and I over us refusing to conform to their views for their love. I will forever blame that awful place for robbing my childhood. For raping my friends. For beating kids. For forcing religious practice.

I grew stronger in many ways because of the hell, but despite its efforts.

Oh boy. Just one?

I guess I’d go with “signing up to a random online forum back in 2012”.

I was a very shy and introverted kid back then, without friends or social life to speak of. I would spend all my time playing videogames and reading books.

That online forum gave me a chance to speak to other people while staying “safe” in my shell. Without realising it, I slowly gained confidence and social skills that helped me make friends both online and irl, some of whom I still speak with to to this day. Thanks to one of the people I knew on that forum, I now have a job that I like.

I wouldn’t recommend online forums nowadays to fight depression/lack of social skills, as the internet has become a cesspool. Online chats are breeding grounds for political extremists. But in my case it definitely helped.

A close second would be having a girl in college confessing to me. I had never really thought about my sexuality back then: it just wasn’t on my mind, like, ever (which should’ve been a red flag, but whatever). She was really nice and wasn’t pushy at all, but I knew that I couldn’t leave her hanging forever, and I had to give her an honest answer in a relatively short time.

Well, long story short, I realized I wasn’t straight. At first I thought I was bi, then gay, but a few years later I understood that I am ace (again, should’ve been obvious by the fact that I literally never thought about sex for the entirety of my teenage years, but I’m dumb).

But seriously, there are so many important moments in one’s life, it’s difficult to choose only one or two. Watching nature documentaries with my brother as a kid turned me into a huge animal lover, to the point that I’m literally unable to kill a fly because it makes me sick. Thanks bro, those are some of my most treasured memories!

Meeting my wife.
Before: Living in a cluttered room in a shared apartment, unemployed, drinking heavily, no purpose or direction in life.
After: Living in a house with big garden, dream job, sober, volunteering in my free time, 2 cats, planning children.