I GOT ON HRT THIS WEEK SO PRETTY FUCKING GOOD YALL

I legally changed my name and gender!!!

Sobering and disappointing.

So, I’ve been on HRT for a shade under three years and it’s worked out super well for me. I’m lucky and privileged enough to while not be entirely unclockable, but passing well enough to rarely be misgendered. I honestly can’t remember the last time a stranger said anything besides ma’am.

But that wasn’t always the case. Just after my egg crack and before learning makeup, how to dress or even HRT I was still going out as myself. People would look, gawk, stare and there were a few occasions of harassment, but as I got better at passing that stopped being the case. I would get smiles, compliments, jokes and a little flirting. When I saw someone looking at me they would smile and we would chit chat. My old photos are cringe, but also amusing and endering as reminders of how far I’ve come.

So anyways, for unrelated reasons, I’m now adjusting to life in a wheelchair. Just had my 36th birthday and it seems like a serious probability I won’t ever walk again. But the worst fucking part? People stare again. Still lucky enough to be seen as a disabled woman, but… they look away when I meet their gaze, when they turn around a corner there is a second of suprise when they see me, looks I remember in my early transition that made it hard to cope.

It could be worse, I’m still grateful, blessed and happy. But the realization that being treated as a boring, basic, regular woman was a fleeting experience… has been rough. I wasn’t ready to grieve the brief window of time when I loved my body. Now it’s physical pain, reliance on others and memories of being just an average normal unassuming woman.

recovering from surgery (not trans related sadly) which sucks, but at least get to stay home from school. got to spend a week in the hospital which sucked much worse. turns out bed actually sucks when you have to stay in it for 5 days straight.

in other news, 2 months hrt anniversary was 3 days ago. might start seeing some realllll changes soonish (other than the ones we’ve already experienced) so pretty happy about that :D things might actually start getting better hehe

edit: oh and we rewatched the entirety of she-ra and the princesses of power, it was as good as we remember it being (very) :3

My week was great! I took some sunset pictures with a friend and wore a dress I like, and made my first facebook post in over a year with them. My last post was from before my transition, so I was nervous that I’d get a lot of shock and negative reactions. It’s Facebook, after all. However, everybody was SO kind and just had lovely things to say, and some people reached out to me in private to ask how they should refer to me. That made me happy

Lost power for 9 hours Friday, immediately after getting sat down to game after work, but otherwise great. The rain is very welcome as it last rained in checks notes July? Paid all my bills and only mostly broke till next paycheck.

Oh hai ~

One month into DIY already, and I’m feeling pretty good, yay! Hopefully I can get a prescription soon. It’s hard to measure the effects objectively, but I now get what people mean when they say not to carry stuff against your chest. Ouch. Don’t know if it’s the hormones or losing weight, but my reflection looks… different, somehow? Maybe I’m imagining it.

Plus I met up with a group of girl friends I haven’t seen since before my egg crack, and they were very quick to welcome me to the E team :3