A brutal series of attacks at a rural monastery in Spain over the weekend has left several people injured, after an assailant reportedly broke in and declared “I am Jesus Christ and I am going to kill the monks.” Following a lengthy search of the countryside around Valencia, police have arrested a man on suspicion of carrying out the vicious attack, which left a 76-year-old man fighting for his life.
Initial reports on Saturday indicated that a Catholic Bishop had been killed during the violent rampage, during which the assailant is alleged to have used a historical artefact, as well as a glass bottle, to attack monks at the monastery. However, emergency services have since confirmed that no one died, but one individual remains in a critical condition in hospital following the assault
This makes me wanna go have fisticuffs with this Jesus guy declaring myself Methuselah.
“Jesus tags in Herod the Great! Herod’s climbing the turnbuckles… he’s on the top rope… pauses a moment to get the crowd behind him… oh, he’s going for the elbow drop on Methuselah…!”