Our automated direct deposit system is temporarily out of order. Due to the system being written in 1960 in a unique language that only the single developer, who has long since died, understood, we are temporarily reverting to cash payments only.

Furthermore, due to our lack of cash reserves, and due to the large influx of new employees, we regret to inform you that the fee per comment has been reduced to five cents, from fifty.

Your cash payment will be sent in individual envelopes per comment logged with our system, and will be transported on a dedicated ship specially allocated for this purpose.

Please note, however, that you are responsible for covering the costs related to the operation of the ship, packaging supplies, and customs fees. Per envelope, we expect the cost to be around $15. This cost will be deducted from your royalties, but they are not enough to entirely cover the expense.

This translates to an approximate $14.95 fee that you must pay to us per positive comment. We only accept checks (written to Xi Jinping personally) sent by certified mail. Furthermore, please note that each check must be received within 48 hours after your respective comments have been posted. If this criteria is not met, you will be referred to the Security and Investigations department for either assignment to the train-pulling division, or summary execution, depending on the severity of the delay. We have partnered with DHL to reduce your overnight shipping expenses to $100 per envelope.

We apologize for the inconvenience and are working to rectify the system malfunction. We will send out updates as applicable.

Thank you for your understanding in these difficult times,

Chinese Bureau of Posting