Spirit of Christmas? No I haven’t felt that since I was either a child or very early adulthood when I finally had an income and could visit home from the big city, bearing a loot sack to put Santa to shame.

But this Christmas was the first where my immediate family set aside their beefs and traumas and came together again for the first time in many years. I fit the stereotype of the narcissist-family black sheep, but even I have buried the hatchet on those issues, consciously recognising that I do want to have a relationship with my parents and they are victims of the same sickness I have, just aren’t self aware of it.

So somehow, me, the blacksheep? I managed to help bridge the two splintered factions of my immediate family and literally everyone had a great day together, thanked me for being there, said me and my queer partner “literally made the day” and it all closed out perfectly. The future is looking bright for my family and this was an important moment for us. I’m feeling really proud and happy.

I took on responsibilities, I kept my promises, I over-delivered and left my folks with homegrown home cooked leftovers to last a week at least.

I also brought in one of my strays, one of my homies who is dealing with tough family stuff, so there was found family in attendance too.

It was all diamonds for me and mine. Christmas is just another day. I hate (my) birthdays. etc. But this was the excuse, the tradition, the framework, for us to set aside our shit and make sacrifices for each other so my parents don’t die old and alienated and alone, my niece and nephew get to have some good memories of what being with family “should” feel like. And we provided friendly shelter for non-blood fam to come and decompress from their upsetting family gathering.

Doesn’t have to be christmas, but to everyone out there hoping to one day experience the same sort of catharsis and healing- I really hope you get to. It was good. I’m glad I never went full no-contact. I’m finally sure I’ve made some good choices. I don’t feel alone in the world.