There’s actually a dom gap because of the amount of effort that goes into being a good active partner in bdsm.

Absolutely right. It’s one of the reasons I have to vet potential sub partners carefully. I’m very tired of doing all the planning work only to have someone flake at the last minute. I’m long done with casual hookups. Especially the “discreet” crowd.

It’s like being a DM playing out a scenario or situation.

Oh my god it totally is, I never thought about it that way.