So, like I said in my intro post, I’m pan but I’m technically sapphic and nonbinary.
I was in a NBLW (and open, so I’m allowed to date/have crushes outside of her) relationship with Natalia (19F), but it was long distance so we only talked through social media and texting.
Natalia has stopped answering my messages and overall just stopped being online as much, when she’s online, she doesn’t make time for me, just her friends. She says “Hi, how are you” or “Hi honey” once in a while if I’m in the group chat with her friends, but we barely talk one-on-one and I barely use the group chat.
She said she would check her messages more but hasn’t 😓
At first, her messages were screenshots to her friends of messages between AI bots. She would post romantic messages in her bio that she used to post with me, and acted super embarrassed when I asked her.
Now, all she does is play video games and her recent messages are just scheduling a time and game or gossip with her friend.
I think we’re basically broken up but I know if I “dared” to do so, she would slander me and call me an abuser/bad person for that just like last time.
On the other hand, I’ve been spending more time with Karl (18M), my friend who I kind of like. He called me cute yesterday, and I just found out that he’s pan (not straight). As an enby, this means I could have a chance with him 👀
Romance is complex but also foundationally quite simple. The relationship can’t survive if there isn’t an overriding sense of positive sentiment going both ways, ie you like each other so much that most problems seem small or irrelevant.
Nobody should feel threatened by the prospect of breaking off a relationship.
There’s no referee, it’s up to you to figure out what’s not working and make a change.
Open relationships take a lot more maturity and care than closed ones, speaking from experience. I hope you do figure it out.
I’m not recommending any particular course of action - but I do hope you can move towards a situation that doesn’t include neglect or feeling trapped in a situation that doesn’t meet your needs.
Well, if she’s ignoring you, and even after asking her to be a bit more with you she didn’t change anything, it might be the best for you to start ignoring her back. No need to listen to someone trying to manipulate your feelings saying that you are this or that.
Good luck on Karl!
call me an abuser/bad person for that just like last time.
That does not sound like a healthy relationship if this behavior has happened before.
Either way, communication is incredibly important in relationships and you feeling unsafe to tell your feelings is not good. You’re allowed to have feelings, and sometimes people just don’t work well together, so don’t take comments about being a bad person to heart. By speaking up, you might end the relationship, or you might get started making things better, either seems better than doing nothing imo. Whatever you do, good luck on your future!
Sounds like Natalia is busy and having fun with friends.
You should be supportive!
if I “dared” to do so, she would slander me and call me an abuser/bad person for that just like last time.
This part is scary. Evaluate that a bit more.
Enjoy Karl while Natalia explores more with her friends. Maybe she’ll come back to play at some point and you can share what you’ve learned!
Personally I’m not a relationship expert by any means, in fact I’m probably closer to ace than anything as far as sexuality goes. So I’m not here to offer advice, just some resources.
If open relationships and not being tied down or tying anyone else down (metaphorically, you’re welcome to use rope in other ways if you wish) is your thing, maybe Relationship Anarchy would be a useful school of thought for you to read up on. It’s something that I’ve been reading up on slowly that I think has some interesting ideas whether you’re polyamorous or monogamous. Just a little something to help work on your own headspace with this perhaps.
