I bit ago I made a post detailing the Egg prime directive in Egg irl. To be clear that was a policy post but it also helped outline the concept in a way that many people don’t do. Most descriptions of the Egg prime directive are either incomplete or, purposefully uncharitable. So it’s good to clarify it.
This is a different kind of post, unlike that one it’s not a policy post in regards to community enforcement, it’s more meant to address the issue in a general sense.
Today I’m going to talk about why the Egg Prime Directive is important, and also more importantly, why people disagreeing with it or not following it isn’t acceptable.
First why does it matter? Well I discussed it heavily in my other post but the gist of it is that it is important to respect the way a person identifies themselves, the pronouns they use, the label they call themselves. Regardless of how they look or present themselves. It seems like a pretty fundamental concept that there shouldn’t be any issue with, yet somehow many people seem to have an issue with it and don’t do it. When a person’s identity isn’t respected it can be deeply hurtful and is ultimately deeply disrespectful to them.
Why ‘disagreement’ with the egg is problematic at best? Well the thing is, because the Egg Prime Directive is solely about respecting the way a person identifies themselves and their autonomy to identify themselves in a way that they see fit, to argue against it is to argue against people’s validity to self-identification. It’s not much different from arguing against certain aspects of trans rights. Ultimately many instances where people break the Egg Prime Directive are targeting individuals who are Gender-Nonconforming or even NonBinary.
Some people argue that they should be able to break it to fight cisnormativity. However this is a very poor justification to try and make it seem okay to violate someone else’s gender identification and ultimately isn’t being done for their benefit, it is going against their right to identify as any gender or use any label they feel like. To be clear, they have that right, all the time. The idea that someone doesn’t have the right to identify as their preferred gender or label in certain circumstances is downright dystopian.
Bottom line, there is no such thing as respectful disagreement with this concept, going against the Egg Prime Directive is solely an act of going against another person’s identification. It isn’t respectful to them as a person. It’s very similar to “respectful transmedicalism” or “respectful transphobia” in this regard. It is a harmful behavior made out as if it’s respectful or good.
Oh and By the way. Before someone tries to argue that Egging is “politely explaining what trans means to someone” this subject has been covered in the last post and respectful support and education is NOT Egging, and is freely allowed by the Egg prime directive, if not explicitly encouraged, trying to argue as if it somehow isn’t is disingenuous, and frankly seems extremely uncharitable.
To your point about nonbinary people getting caught up in it. I can’t even tell you at this point how many specifically trans women I’ve had tell me point blank to my face that I’m not actually nonbinary. That my egg still hasn’t fully cracked and the only reason I think I’m nonbinary is because of internalized misogyny. I’m just too scared to be the woman I really am deep inside.
I didn’t figure out I was trans until my mid twenties. I had a whole gender crisis in high school but because my knowledge of gender identities began and ended with full binary MtF/FtM I eventually figured I must just be cis but against the gender norms forced on men and boys. Yeah I’d have crying fits wishing I had been born a girl, but those tended to link back to people bullying me for not being “man enough” or my early career wish of going into childcare or early childhood education and quickly learning that I’d be forever looked at as a predator purely because man alone with children. When I thought about actually being a girl? That didn’t feel right either. I’m sure at least a little bit of that was due to being asexual and not being comfortable with the sexualization inherent in much of the female experience but I didn’t know that at the time.
Anyway it wasn’t until I had that discussion with the woman that eventually became my wife that I learned that nonbinary was even a thing you could be and suddenly I had a word for everything I’d felt since I was like 14. So I understand the impulse to say “but I wish someone had told me sooner” but like… I got “egged” a lot before this. Not a single one heard my story and gave me info on nonbinary identities. They all heard me say “I don’t feel right as a guy, but being a girl didn’t feel right either” and did some variation of “Egg. Internalized transphobia/misogyny. Egg.”
That really sucks, I’m sorry you had to go through that
It really sucks that people can be so ignorant and intolerant. I’m happy you were able to figure yourself out in the end though, in spite of those horrible enbyphobic people.