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If you’re aware of the mistake, and what you did wrong, you’re now living with the knowledge on how to avoid making the same mistake in the future. You still exist in the here and now, and are free to continue forward in life, knowing you’re better equipped to overcome adversity than you were before.

I try to think of my past mistakes as vaccines. They may have hurt, caused me discomfort, and even make me feel regret or shame to this day, but I lived through it and it made me stronger because of it. Like a vaccine, it equipped me for something more imposing that might come up later in life. It helps me think of the silver lining- that without these mistakes, I would be much more naive, and far more prone to making an even more disastrous mistake later in life, much like how refusing a vaccine will make you more prone to a deadly disease.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Stop being so hard on yourself.

Unless you’re a sociopath, nobody gets up in the morning intending to screw up. But we all do. Because we’re human. We’re not perfect. We fuck up.

So stop being so hard on yourself. On any given Thursday, you’re doing the very best you can. Shit happens. Move on. Forgive others when they hurt you just like they forgive you. Forgive yourself. Because nobody’s perfect. You’re doing the best you can.

Stop being so hard on yourself.

Follow the 3 D’s:

1. Deny
2. Downplay
3. Deflect

Turn and burn baby!

Don’t kill the present moment by thinking about the past.

Do better. Know in your soul you won’t hurt people again. Whatever led you down the path to the mistake that makes you feel guilty, fix it. If you weren’t paying attention, start paying attention. If you weren’t thinking of other people, start thinking of other people.

Overtime your sense of a self-identity will be able to defend yourself from those memories, yeah that was really cringy, but I’m a better person now.

First accept that there is no returning to how things were before the mistake. This is key to moving on.

Then, if your mistake hurt others, apologise to them. Don’t expect forgiveness, remember there is no going back to how things were. Just know you have done what you could to make things right.

Now reflect on the impact it had on your life and what you can do about it, and by this I do not mean what happened, I mean how it affected you: failef an exam? The solution might not be to retake the exam.

Finally understand that it is now behind you, and focus on how not to repeat it in the future, and what you can do to mitigate the impact it had on you or others.

Never worry about things you can not change. From what you ate last night, to that one thing you might have done differently that would have changed your life completely; it does not matter one bit.

I believe you need to experience something truly life altering to really, really understand what this means to the fullest extent possible. It is an easy idea to dismiss as simple common sense or obvious. If you are forced to confront this head on with some event that massively alters your life, this ethos takes on a whole different contextual meaning. I wish I could convey the true power of this in words. I see it as a major life lesson. NEVER worry about things you can not change.

Also, feeling stupid about some mistake is something to value, and not a reason to belittle yourself. Feeling stupid, like you would like to make a better choice, is a sign of growth, or at least the opportunity for growth. Always remember, truly stupid people never feel stupid.

oh there are lots of ways.

unfortunately a lot of the time, it doesn’t get any easier.

that being said, it all starts with knowing and understanding that, if you love who you are, those mistakes helped make you who you are.

personally that helped me come to peace with the fact that i had fucked up so badly.

next is atonement to yourself and others. that means learning to prevent the mistake from occurring again in the future, helping others that you recognize are making the same mistake so that they don’t have to suffer like you did, and if you hurt someone, apologizing to that person for both their and your own healings sake. sometimes it also means apologizing to yourself.

you do have to understand, though, that people change over time. our mistakes make us who we are. and you are not the same person you were when you originally made the mistake.

last and most unpleasant advice i can give is to allow the feelings to wash over you. our brain is capable of experiencing so many emotions, and each emotion serves a very important purpose. we tend to lead lives that shy away from the unpleasant emotions, but there is value to be had in experiencing them. feeling the shame of making a mistake can drive you to never make that mistake again. that’s valuable, even if it is unpleasant for a time.

signed, a guy working his ass off to be a perfect candidate for a liver transplant after a series of stupid shit decisions and drinking occurred during a divorce and a layoff.

it gets better bro.

Doing these things is not easy and may take some practice on your part, but for me it boils down to the following process:

• be honest with yourself and others, and own up to it, don’t try to pretend it was somebody else’s fault. Apologise to those impacted if you need to. Accept the consequences.

• figure out what you can learn from it - not necessarily the specific details of this mistake but what you can do next time in similar circumstances to avoid making the same sort of error.

• stop wishing for a better past - it won’t happen, so move on.

Might be silly but I say the mistake aloud. Somehow I just feel better instantly

Meditation and Talking

When meditating about it you spend time thinking about it. Usually, we do not want to think about bad things. We do not spend time thinking about the bad stuff. When you are afraid of thinking about it, you may face the fear and might lose, or at least relax, it.

When talking about a topic you spend time with it. You think differently when you talk and not only think. You may talk to yourself, to an imaginary person, or a real person. There’s also a difference between if the other person responds, or not. It’s usually sufficient, or even better, if the other person does not respond at all but only listens. There are even groups where the people only listen to you. They are called “emotions anonymuous”. Beware that it’s cult like and there’s a lot of religious talking but it’s the most popular group, if you find something similar without the religious crap, go for that.

Drawing

You may draw about the stuff you think. You do not focus on the thought primarily. It just gives a different angle to the topic.

It depends on the mistake, but you have done your part if you’ve learned from it and made the effort to make up for it if necessary. The rest is no longer your problem.

Learn from them, and don’t repeat them.

There is no going back, no re-do. So you have accepted that you made the mistake. You make it up to yourself by being better now.

The fact that you consider whatever you did a mistake is a good thing. It means you’ve already learned.

It’s okay to feel guilty for the behavior, it’s normal, and you should learn and grow from your mistakes. It may still haunt you because you still have lessons to be learned from what happened.