I’m an average AMAB person: 32yrs old, 180lbs, 5’9" and I carry a lot of my weight in my belly. It gives me a lot of dysphoria and I stress over my belly fat a lot. I definitely don’t have a super healthy relationship with my weight.
Last year, I didn’t drink for the majority of the year. I took about 10 months off from alcohol, but I didn’t lose any weight. I was also going to the gym ~3 times a week. I believe in CICO and so I believe I must have been eating more as well. But my body fat distribution didn’t change at all. I moved away from my gym and so I couldn’t keep going and then I lost motivation.
For context, when I was younger I weight-lifted a lot. I wasn’t the biggest person in the gym, but my PR for bench was 305lb, deadlift 455lbs, and squat 365lb and I weighed 198lbs. I learned a lot of positive and negative associations with weight and diet. Weight lifting was all about eating as much protein as possible. Now I want to lose weight, but I’ve built this body to be big. I wish I never went to the gym. I used to hover around 155lbs and my body’s “set point” never fluctuated until I started focusing heavily on working out and eating as much as I could handle. Now I can’t seem to lose the weight. And it’s basically just fat. Not much functional muscle left.
Fast forward to today and I’m starting HRT soon. But I’m super worried that my body fat distribution isn’t going to change since I’ve read that fat cells can have “memory”. I’m basically excited to start my journey in every way except I feel so dysphoric about my body shape. I hate this “beer belly”.
What should I do about this? Can anyone help me with this? I fear the simple answer is that I just need to focus more heavily on diet and exercise, but I’m so demotivated by my experience last year. With no gym nearby (< 35 minutes away) and - frankly - a superb desire to eat, I can’t believe in my ability to achieve my goals.
I just wish I could start over and be skinny - then gain weight on my HRT to hopefully gain hips and boobs. What’s the advice you’d give me? Sorry if this post is toxic. I realize I don’t have a healthy mindset about this. I’m trying to accept myself, but I also want to be able to wear woman’s clothing and feel like a woman.
1600 might actually be preventing you from losing the way you want. You might try 1700-1800. You don’t want to go into starvation mode, as you might lose lean muscle instead. This is a slow journey. Healthy weight loss and transition both have that in common. Belly fat is the last to go on most people, and fat redistribution can take multiple years when starting later.
Find outfits that work with your shape. Find joy in the time and the process. Find peace with yourself on the way there. You aren’t alone in any part of this!
I can definitely increase my caloric intake a little bit. To be honest, I usually hit 1700+ since I’m not super strict. But I think I just need to be a lot more focused I suppose. It’s so hard to lose weight at this point.
Have you tried changing your exercises? I found that marathon running wasn’t doing much after a few years. As soon as I started cycling (zwift/gravel bikes) I started losing more weight. I got my BMI from 32 to 25 on the bikes and a good diet, but not a “fad” diet. Just eating well and less